Why would you ask me anything?

I had a sort of crockery headcount a few weeks ago and discovered that we do not really have any matching plates and related crockery. We actually have no cups at all because for some unaccountable reason when we were unpacking we threw all the cups away - and kept the saucers. The stuff we are using now looks like it is left over from a Greek Wedding.

Now we do have a set of Wedgwood which we use for ‘special’ occasions but these are few and far between these days  - and mainly it stays where it is because it is too difficult to extract from the cupboards.

So I mentioned to Cate that I thought we should get some crockery for daily use and – suspiciously – she agreed to this with some degree of enthusiasm - and even suggested that we go to Shopping City Sud.

Now this sent my alarm bells ringing because she hates SCS more than she hates almost anything else in the world - except Meryl Streep - but by then I was trapped by my own stupidity.

So there was clearly an ulterior motive for going to SCS but I was resigned to the fact that I was not going to find out what it was until we were there.

I have been trapped many times before with this type of ruse but am simply a dumb animal in the hands of Cate - who is a master tactician.

If she says something like ‘Let’s go to Café Central for lunch today’ I will think it is a great idea until we are sort of wandering past Steffl and she says she just needs to pop in and get a ‘couple of things’.

This means for Cate a close examination of a number of sections of the store - accompanied by some purchases.

This means for me being perched for hours on ‘Male Humiliation’ chairs that they plonk in the middle of these stores – which are built exclusively for the delights of female shoppers.

I sit there dribbling and staring vacantly into space – or playing Angry Birds - accompanied by other unfortunate men who were also too stupid to see the traps laid for them or were not quick enough to throw themselves off the balcony and break something.  

Not that I mind if Cate buys clothes. I love her to buy clothes. She has lots of beautiful clothes and should have lots more – just not with me in the picture.

Fortunately she buys most of her clobber in the USA these days so I escape the brunt of the torture – but get enough to keep me on edge.

So we got to SCS and I started heading towards the crockery in Leiner and I realized that Cate was not with me and had detoured to the (Shriek!) furniture section. I found her sitting on a leather lounge suite.

Heart sinks.

This is the worst possible outcome because I have to participate fully in the process in respect of design, color, style and all the other possible permutations of lounge furniture.

When I say participate I mean that I have to be there and answer innumerable questions – knowing that my opinion is worthless and will be disregarded.

Cate says things like ‘How would this one work with the Ottoman over there?’

‘Looks good to me’ I say – not having the foggiest idea what works with what.

‘She will examine my statement thoughtfully and will then say ‘No – it doesn’t work at all’.

And we will move on to the next of approximately a million combinations.

I love nice furniture. But I have no sense of color or style. Never have had. With clothes or anything else. I mean all I ever wear is T-Shirts and Jeans – who would want my opinion about anything. Cate does not even let me buy my own T-Shirts.

Cate may as well take a Giraffe with her when she shops for furniture – or any home item at all for that matter.

To be continued…..