Here I am again

Well so much for the rest. 

My problem is of course my Migraines. They are knocking me about. I can mitigate the effects with tablets but they make me wonky and unable to focus on much at all. 

I hasten to add that my Migraines are not the star-spangled-vomit-all-over-the-place lying-in-a-dark-room-groaning-with-a-wet-towel-over-my-head kind. They are however bad, daily and never-fecking-ending. 

But I went to see Dr Mordor’s wife  today for a prescription (yes she does the repeat prescriptions) and she suggested that I could go to the headache clinic at the local hospital. A friend of hers had migraines and went there - with excellent results. 

That I need to find out this from the Doctor’s wife gives you an idea of how much the good Doctor has helped me so far. 

I have asked the wonderful Rozalin to see if she can get me in to the clinic - and we shall see.  I am quite sure they will not ask me to talk to a Chocolate Moose. 

Yes I know I should find another Doctor but it is just not that easy. I have tried a few others and am still looking. 

Today I had to fire up the PC to find some stuff that was not on my Mac. It crashed after 20 seconds (not a record – the record for a PC for me is pressing the start button and hearing a loud bang followed by lots of smoke) and then lurched into a series of grinding crashes punctuated by excruciating pauses while the memory decided whether or not it would actually do anything useful at all.

PC thinking.....

‘I wonder if I should do this - I am philosophically opposed to opening this program because it is not a Microsoft program and Mr Gates said that I don’t have to open anything that is not his and if I do I can do it very slowly and am allowed to crash before opening - or even better - when the punter has already done something with it and will scream and froth - but I can tell by the look on his face today that he is not in the mood for love so perhaps I will give him the BSOD and what do I care - that asshole has a shiny new white iMac sitting next to me and it is so much faster than me that it makes me want to vomit OK that settles it - CRASH!’

It was my fault really – one should never ask Windows to do more than one thing at a time because it has the attention span of a red ant and all the powers of concentration of a wet lace doily. 

I had my cricket bat at the ready and was contemplating doing it a favor and performing involuntary euthanasia but I have some stuff and some programs on the steam-driven beast that just cannot put on the Mac. So it lives (after a fashion) to bother me further. But one day…..

I hasten to add that it is not the fault of Dell which I have found from long experience to be sensationally reliable. I bought my first Dell in about 1997 over the Internet and have since owned more than 12 – in fact I still have 3 in working order.  (Is this too many?).

In the entire time I have owned Dell I have never had hardware failure - except for a faulty CD Burner which Dell replaced within 48 hours. 

I have - of course - had some excruciating conversations with people in India about some minor faults that needed rectification. There is nothing like talking to someone in India for four hours to improve the digestion and get the creative juices flowing. 

(We have been talking for so long Ragiv and I know so little about you and your family - while we are waiting for this 47th re-boot why don’t you tell me about your mother’s operation. No - there is no longer any need to pretend you are in Melbourne - just be honest with me - I know you cannot fix this - you know you cannot fix this - just have mercy and send me a technician. Thank you Ragiv - of course I will come to your wedding).

The problem is Windows. When Microsoft says that they have improved Windows what they mean is that they have added 60 Billion bits of stuff that 99.9% if people will never use. To do this they have quadrupled the size of of the program and you now need a Gazillion Megs of RAM to run it. When you actually have it running as fast as a startled Gazelle they will then identify approximately 5 Million security problems and start issuing patches - each one of which will work like glue on the RAM.

Within a few weeks of buying the world’s fastest computer it will be running like a Snail on Morphine pushing a dead Elephant over wet sand. Sure you can improve the speed by tweaking - and each tweak brings the entire platform closer to the stability level of Lindsay Lohan. 

Where was I?

Oh yeh. I sat in front of my Mac for two nights with a throbbing head and could not write. So I thought I needed a break. Then I thought ‘just because you have a headache can you disappoint 100,000 readers whose lives are so meaningless and shallow that they need your Blog to survive?’ 

Shit no! 

So here I am again.