Monday, February 13, 2017

Not my problem

I woke up on Saturday and discovered that I could not read properly. I have funny little blotches all over the place in front of my eyes so many of the words are missing when I try to read anything. 

This is not necessarily a bad thing because there is simply not much worth reading at the moment that provides comfort to a delicate soul like me. 

But because I can read only half of what I see - I only get half as cross. 

But I must say that I am getting a lot less cross as time moves on. This could well be because Indiana’s behavior is so appalling and so disgraceful that everything else - even the antics of the orange fluffbudgy - pale into insignificance. 

So I spent two hours with the eye doctor today and he concluded after an intense examination that he did not know what was wrong with me so he has referred me to a specialist  - where I go tomorrow morning.

I asked him if I should get new glasses and he said let’s not worry about that at the moment - and I have worried about that statement ever since. 

So I have carried out a brief assessment of the seeing eye dog capabilities of both Georgia and Indiana. 

At the mercy of Georgia I would spend an immense amount of time standing in front of the treat cupboard - and would never leave the house. 

As for Indiana - well with her I would be dragged miles on my stomach - shouting hoarsely for her to stop - as she galloped towards whatever she gallops towards. I have no idea what this is but she always wants to go somewhere and it is always at a gallop. 

And (spare me) she is now bigger than Georgia.

So after we walked them together last week Cate said ‘fuck me I am not doing that again’ or words similar to that 

And if you are wondering how I can write this without being able to see - then I should tell you that I am using one eye - squinting - and my nose is pressed to the screen of computer. 

And the fact that my personal trainer works me like a drover’s dog does not help at all. He says things like ‘this is the last one’ and when I finish and collapse sobbing on the floor he says ‘well just one more set’. 

So after gym I am nearly comatose and then have to deal with the travails of the day. 

So over the last week I have made many bookings for flights and hotels and shuttles and all sorts of things. I could not begin to tell you how hard it is to fly from Indianapolis to Paris if you are traveling Lufthansa. 

Lufthansa flies from JFK. United flies only to Newark. American flies to JFK but only on Shrove Tuesdays when the moon is full. 

So I have to go to Newark and get shuttles to JFK and on the way home I have to stay (shriek) at Newark overnite - but I am not staying in the rat infested hovel where we stayed last time. 

And there is so much to do here it makes my head spin. There are two people in this house - why is the washing machine going 18 hours every day. Where does all this dust come from. Does UPS deliver it in bags and Cate spreads it around the house and then puts her white gloves on and wipes the surfaces - and says hmmmm. 

So I really don't have time for politics. I have accepted the fact that the orange fuckweasel is not my president. I am not a citizen and I did not vote. 

And we will not be here to suffer the consequences of fucknuckle and his band of trogs. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Oh say can you see

Things are moving at a rapid pace here.

I have decided to go to Paris in March to see my daughter and two of my grandchildren. The others are in Australia and I shall go there soon.

We have also decided that we should go to Las Vegas for my birthday.

Naturally I booked Paris first and then booked Las Vegas for basically the same dates. 

This is an uncanny knack I have had for many years. I have brutally murdered a number of bookings over the years because I book flights to leave places before we get there - and stuff like that.

Nowadays I always pay extra so that I can cancel flights and hotels without any problems because I just know that when I make a booking I am going to have to change it.

When I am in the process of booking it all seems perfectly sensible and logical but days later when I check it…..well.

We have decided to go to Las Vegas because we think it is one of those places that just has to be seen. I think it will be execrable -  because we hate all the glitz and the glamor and the gambling but we will certainly have lots of fun. But there are some good restaurants. 

We are staying in the Venetian resort which has its own canal with gondolas and men in striped shirts who sing opera. Can’t wait for that. I may sing along. 

And incidentally in Indianapolis we also have a canal with gondolas where men in striped shirts sing opera. This is very weird but you get accustomed to it after a while and given that most people in the mid west have never traveled further than the next state -  for them it is probably quite exotic.

And we are going to see Cirque de Soleil. This was a bit doubtful at first but I spoke to the bank manager and she has given us a second mortgage. 

I am looking forward to Paris. I love Paris. I have been there a lot - maybe 50 times - and am always captivated by the city. It has changed a lot since I first started going there in the 70s and it never ceases to amaze me. 

It also gives me a chance to boot my once fluent French into life. I once worked for  French bank and spoke really good French. Nowadays I start speaking in French and people interrupt me and say - ‘Would you like to speak English’. 

For which the only appropriate response is ‘Fuck you - you cheese eating surrender monkey’ but of course I just fall in line.

But I am tough. I live in America where the president is a lunatic. I can cope with anything you throw at me.  

Cate and I spoke last year about the possibility of us staying in America when she retired. 


We need to get out of here as soon as possible and now all we talk about is how soon we can leave. 

This blithering orange idiot is going to do so much damage that it may take this country 50 years to recover from the devastation he has planned with his willing compatriots. 

In centuries to come they will talk about ‘Putin’s puppet’ and the destruction he wreaked upon the home of the brave and the land of the fucked. 

Friday, February 3, 2017

This is America!

I forgot to tell you about how excited I am about Beyonce being pregnant. 

Fuck me dead this is such fantastic news. 

The people starving to death in Africa and the Syrians being slaughtered in their thousands rise as one and say how excited they are about this truly phenomenal event. 

And twins! Holy shit - this is truly a miraculous intervention by the one who loves us and guides us all. Who else would give us so much joy in the face of the excrescence of the toxic presidency

Clearly this is God's work. 

Sure he fucked up badly with DJT but he is making amends with this sensational life giving experience. Do not knock this. This is his gift to you. 

Now B has 86 million followers on twitter. This is one off the scariest numbers you will ever see - and gives you a pretty good idea why Trump is President. But you need to suck it up. It is what it is. 

This is America. Rubbish reigns. Good Luck!

Thursday, February 2, 2017

It would turn out just fine

Now you would have read or heard that President Trump spoke to Australian Prime Minister Turnbull and effectively bit his head off before hanging up.

But if you are not Australian you may not be aware of the refugee deal which Mr Turnbull and President  Obama agreed upon - and why it is happening. 

It goes like this:

Many refugees from Iran and other places have risked their lives to travel to Australia on boats. This has been facilitated by people smugglers who charge enormous sums of money to put people on leaky boats with a promise that they will get sanctuary in Australia.

Many of them drown - but some get through. 

Australia has decided that it does not want people arriving this way so instead of accepting them and processing their refugee applications in Australia it has set up gulags in places like Nauru and Manus Island. 

The purpose of this is to discourage people from attempting to find refuge in Australia.

The gulags are hell holes. They are tent cities set up in some of the hottest places on earth. They are run by private companies whose only interest is to make a profit. 

There are rapes and murders and bashings and self-mutilations and psychological problems in spades. 

Children are going crazy in these places because they are confined there permanently. These children will be damaged permanently. 

There is anger and frustration and hopelessness. These people are refugees for fucks sake and they are being treated much worse than murderers. 

These places are so bad that the government:

1: Sent big teams of medics, psychiatrists and social workers to help with the problems: or

2. Passed legislation that anyone who talked about the problems in these camps would go to gaol for two years.

Yes the correct answer is 2. 

The government has said that anyone who try to enter Australia ‘illegally’ will never be admitted. Let us pass over the fact that by definition a refugee cannot be ‘illegal’. 

Hence the deal between Mr Turnbull and President Obama. You take our ‘illegals’ and we will do something for you(we do know yet what it is). 

President Trump has probably said what a stupid idea. I don't even want my refugees let alone yours. 


I am ashamed of my government for what it has done. I never talk about this because it cannot be defended. It is a horrendous stain on the   character of Australia which is a nation founded and sustained by immigration.  

If I had my way I would put all of the politicians in gulags and make the refugees politicians. I am sure it would turn out fine. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

We have failed them

These are my grandchildren. My generation has failed them.

I am frustrated by my inability to do anything of real substance in the face of the mind boggling ineptitude, incompetence and willful destruction of our values by the Trump administration.

The appointments he has made make it look like he actually wants to destroy America.

Perhaps he really is a Russian agent doing the bidding of Putin. He certainly behaves as though he is. 

Each Secretary he appoints is someone who has no affinity whatsoever with the area they will control and indeed most of them appear to want to demolish what they have been given.

The potential head of the Environmental Protection Agency is a noted climate change denier. This is not unusual - the majority of this administration’s senior people are -  but the damage this person could do is immense. 

Sydney has just experienced its hottest month ever. i.e. it was the hottest month since we started keeping records some hundred or so years ago. 

Each year is hotter than the last and indications that every future year will be hotter than the last.

My personal  belief is that it is much too late to actually do anything to stop what is happening. There are some things we could do to mitigate the future effects but even in Australia - where the climate change effects are obvious even to blind Freddy - the government sits and wrings its hands and does nothing.

The Labor party has a plan - so the government immediately starts a scare campaign tell all and sundry that their electricity bills will be enormous if we try to mitigate climate change. 

This is rubbish but in any event - there has to be some cost to attempt to save there planet. 

Indeed the majority of Australians are prepared to pay something. 

But our chicken shit Prime Minister is captive to his right wing. And - our deputy Prime Minster is a creationist. Yeh he thinks the world is 6,000 years old.

Give me a break.

If we keep kicking the can down the road we will find eventually that the can has been turned into a boulder and is no longer kickable. 

We only have one planet. When we destroy this one there is nowhere else to go.

Now what happens - or does not happen - is not going to affect me much. But it will affect my children and it will certainly affect my grandchildren. 

In 20 years time they are going to wonder why the fuck we knew what was happening and did almost nothing about it. 

They will think well there must have been a reason. There was obviously a big problem so why did they not take any action.

Well I am telling you in advance my dear children and grandchildren whom I love so much that we did nothing because we are fundamentally dumb, cowardly deadshits.

There are only two groups of people in the whole world who do not accept that climate change is real. They are the conservatives in Australia and in America. 

History books will record their stupidity, their lack of imagination, their cowardice, their self interest and their inability to see the bleeding obvious. 

Many are dying now because of climate change which causes massive storms and devastating droughts.

Millions will die in years to come. 

So really - no one says it better than Lily Allen so you should watch this video.