Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Prime Minister promises suitable memorial

Russians who were involved in the Chernobyl project arrived in the UK today to help British engineers build a concrete dome over Heathrow. 

The British government has decided to permanently entomb Heathrow as it had never really functioned as an airport and is entirely useless when it snows.

The BAA Manager said the final straw was when his brother-in-law wanted his tractor back to deliver Christmas presents around his village. ‘We had really hope to dig the Majorca flight out tonight’ he said ‘but then Barry turned up and wanted his tractor - and that was that. Then the handle on the snow shovel broke and Keith went home  - so I phoned the Home Secretary and he called the Russians’.

The Prime Minister said that it would be impossible to get everyone out of the terminals before the concrete was poured as some of them had been there for months and had built permanent living quarters. Inevitably - some would remain there forever.

But the said that these were mainly the old and lame and that – given the state of the economy – ‘they were pretty well fucked anyway. Better to go under wet cement than die of starvation in a council flat with no electricity.’

He did promise a suitable memorial with a national campaign to find a suitable dedication. One of the first entries was:

‘What a Cock Up!’ 

Monday, December 20, 2010

Merry Christmas etc.

The flightless ice-dancing Maalie bird sighted near the Hungarian border.

Badger is taking a break and may return in 2011 if he is not devoured by Huskies and Reindeer in Lapland. 

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Ha Bloody Ha! Excellent joke America!

Congratulations Mr. Blatter! You have won €10 Million in the Russian State Lottery. 

To claim your prize please read out loud the name of the country on the other side of this card.

A grocery company called Morrisons has said it wants FIFA to pay £1m to grass-roots English football over what it called an "unfair" World Cup bidding process.
Morrisons said they were to be the Official World Cup Grocers.
Official World Cup Grocers?
GOOOOOAAAAL! Beckham has bent it into the corner and is sliding into the corner post in joy – and is sliding straight into Morrisons – and I bet he gets some Twiglets AND some Cheese Footballs for his teammates. 

I should mention that this week Morrisons has a special on Oak Smoked Scottish Salmon - £1.25 per 100 grams – while stocks last. Pop in a kick a goal for your family. 
My Laugh Out Loud moment on the weekend came when I read that next May the USA will host 
 In an environment where the US Government is frantically trying to find or invent a law to silence Julian Assange and stop the publication of masses of really embarrassing information – and where some are advocating life imprisonment if not the death penalty – they announced:
“The theme for next year’s commemoration will be 21st Century Media: New Frontiers, New Barriers.
The United States places technology and innovation at the forefront of its diplomatic and development efforts. New media has empowered citizens around the world to report on their circumstances, express opinions on world events, and exchange information in environments sometimes hostile to such exercises of individuals’ right to freedom of expression. 
At the same time, we are concerned about the determination of some governments to censor and silence individuals, and to restrict the free flow of information. 
We mark events such as World Press Freedom Day in the context of our enduring commitment to support and expand press freedom and the free flow of information in this digital age”’
Ha Bloody Ha!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mum - they're picking on me again

The snow is pelting down today (or whatever snow does). Sissi bounded out onto the Terrace this morning and disappeared up to her ears. I dragged her inside and gave her a good brushing. 

I am indebted to PK for drawing my attention to this story. Once again we Atheists are under attack for having the temerity to suggest that that the mythical story of Jesus is indeed mythical.
I have no problem with anyone believing anything they want to.
If you are really stupid enough you can believe that the earth was created 6,000 years ago – or that giving tax cuts to rich people helps the economy – George W Bush believed both these things.
But I reserve the right too have my own beliefs – and to bang on about them – in a quiet and decorous fashion of course. 
I do  not – for example - have 19 SKY TV channels spouting the same bullshit 24 hours every day or a building with spires and bells on every second street corner or crucifixes hanging all over the place. 
All I wanted was a modest sign on four buses – yes JUST FOUR buses – suggesting that just perhaps I may be right – and all you myth believers go completely postal.
I think it suggests a degree of insecurity that the followers of the mythical Jesus need to hire a truck to follow my bus around to try to negate my quite inoffensive message.
Are you so unsure of yourself that you need to do this?
My personal definition of Atheism is ‘The willful refusal to believe in something that does not exist’.
I don’t need to prove anything to you. You need to prove something to me - and you cannot.
On a more practical note
Hunters bagged 589 bears during New Jersey's controversial six-day hunt, with a record 264 animals killed on the first day alone.
Almost 7,000 permits were issued to hunters, with each marksman entitled to bag one bear regardless of the animal's age or gender.
I read in a story that one woman said that her husband was ‘so excited at the thought of killing a bear that he was physically ill’
I can just imagine.

Now 589 bears for 7,000 permits does not seem like a very good ratio to me. Either these people are lousy shooters, are too busy vomiting with excitement to shoot straight - or do not have the right weapons.

If it was me I would use a Gatling Gun - the ones they used in Nam could fire 60,000 rounds per minute - or  Rocket Propelled Grenades - then you could probably get them in batches - or Napalm - you can cover a wide area with Napalm - and it serves the dual purpose of getting rid of all that pesky woodland which you can then use for shopping malls and parking lots. 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

You can never have too many pairs of boots

I was walking through Stadtpark in a blinding snowstorm today in my very warm and very comfortable Boss Orange coat.
The Duck Pond is nearly frozen over but there is an area right around the edge where the Ducks can paddle. 
Usually when it reaches this stage Duckman comes along and breaks the ice with a stick so that the Ducks always have some water. I sometimes speak to Duckman but he does not much like conversation or company. He mainly just likes Ducks and sits and watches them for hours.
I bet you are wondering why I was wandering through Stadtpark in a blinding Snowstorm.
A couple of weeks ago we went shopping for coats and boots. Now Cate has cupboards full of coats and boots but I have discovered that a girl can never have too many coats or boots. There is always another coat or pair of boots needed for a particular purpose.
If I say something like ‘Why don’t you wear those boots you bought in London last month?’ Cate will say something like ‘Oh no they would not be suitable at all – what I need is (insert a type of boot that she does not have – and there are millions).
But of course I do not say things like that because there would be no point. When Cate says that she needs to go and buy coats and boots I saddle up, pack my beef jerky and water bottle and prepare for the ordeal ahead.
So we found these boots in a shop in the Wollzeile but they were a teensy bit small so the Italian lady said that she would put them ‘in the machine’ and enlarge them one size.
I picked them a few days later and a few days after that Cate tried them on.
I became aware of this hubbub coming from the bedroom. From a low drone it rose to a crescendo.
Well apparently she could not get them on her feet. They were much smaller than when she tried them on in the shop. They had certainly not been enlarged. They felt like they had been en-smalled. She will never fall for a trick like that again. What a waste of (an astonishingly large amount of) money this was. Why is she so gullible as to believe that a machine could enlarge boots that are too small in the first place?  
This tirade went on for some considerable time. It seem like hours. 
Then the killer blow!
‘This is your fault! I knew you were unhappy and desperate to get out of the shop so I only bought them to make you happy!’
I vaguely recall sitting there staring vacantly into space dribbling or possibly playing Angry Birds. I usually lapse into some form of catatonic state in shoe shops and am not a burden to anyone – least of all to my precious loved one.
I was there to buy boots. Sure I do not like buying boots but I was on a mission to do so and was seized with that purpose. Indeed I was determined not to leave without boots because then the excruciating process would just be repeated the following week.
Oh the cruelty and unfairness of that statement. 
I did the only thing I could in the circumstances and offered to fix the problem by enlarging the boots. I would do this by employing the exceedingly cunning plan of buying a pair of boot enlargers. These are things that you put in boots and then expand them to stretch the leather. The leather stretches and after a period of time – perhaps a few days – stays stretched.
This mollified my lovely and she may have forgiven me for my appalling and thoughtless behavior in the shoe store. She has gone to Jakarta today anticipating larger boots when she returns.
The problem was to find the boot stretchers. I thought I knew where to do this hence my journey through the snowstorm. Alas I failed. So I have called once more on Mr Amazon and as I write some boot stretchers will be winging their way to Vienna.
I am trying not to think about what will happen if they do not work. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

I give up - I just do not understand Oprah

OK I was wrong
The dryer people did not ring Tuesday to cancel the appointment – they rang Rozalin today to cancel.
The new appointment is for 22 December. Now if they don’t have the part by now I reckon the chances of them having it by 22 December are slim – so I am resigned to not having a dryer over Christmas.
This means Gwenyth and Melissa will have to share the house with the Clothes Horse. There are worse things in life.
I did pop into the Miele shop on the way home from the markets today and confirmed that if I bought a dryer I could have it before Christmas. But they are so horrendously expensive as to make the mind go blank.
You think ‘Can that be Euros? Am I perhaps in a shop in Jakarta and that is Rupiah?’
Honestly I just do not understand Oprah Winfrey.
Maybe it’s just me but there has been more fuss about her visit to Australia than there is for a visit by our Queen. 
I mean – we do not put a big Q on the Harbour Bridge for the Queen.
Streets have been closed off, barriers have been erected, policed leave has been cancelled, vagrants have been executed (I made that up),  the media has gone completely loopy with 24-hour coverage and politicians have been seen fawning and slobbering all over her.
Someone needs to tell me what it is.
She has a TV show in America and is really, really rich right? (Which means she is just about to get a really nice tax cut). 
Being really rich is good - but is there anything else I should know?
Could I just give you a couple of quotes from the frothing, blubbering coverage from the Sydney Morning Herald. 
One lady jumping up and down, rubbing her face in the anticipation of glimpsing the television queen, sent a policeman into fits of giggles as she tried to contain her excitement. Almost hoarse from screaming all morning, she said: ''I've got a headache, I feel sick, wanna vomit'
But it was apparently worth it. ''She looked at me,'' she said of Oprah, and then came the tears. ''She's unbelievable.''
Some of her fans were so overwhelmed by her presence that they sobbed.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Perhaps I should have bought a Maytag

If I had bought a Maytag - this man may have built it for me. 
This could be a big week. Wednesday is in the diary as clothes dryer repair day. 
This may or may not be the case as I have been disappointed before and I may get a call on Tuesday saying that they have not finished plating the parts with gold and there may be another delay. 
In this event I will probably throw a wobbly and go down to the Miele shop and buy a new dryer.
This will do me no good at all because the waiting time will be six months – but it will make me feel better to know that I have a backup. 
I am now quite accustomed to drying things on the wire thingy - which seems to work just fine - just a bit slow. 
I mean it was not so long ago that we all got along with just clothes lines and indeed I can remember a time when I used to wash clothes by boiling them in a copper tub and dried them on a line propped up with wooden poles. 
Before this I used to take them down to the river and bash them on stones - and had to fight the grizzlies off while I was doing it -  but then I am very old.
Australia has lost the only opportunity it had to win the ashes.  Kevin Pietersen was caught speeding in a ‘high powered supercar’ in Melbourne.
‘The English batsman was caught behind the wheel of a yellow Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 doing 121 km/h in a 100 zone on the Geelong Ring Road.’
Now this would seem to me to have been be a golden opportunity to lock him up for some months – together with the rest of the English cricket team who were obviously accomplices – but no – they let him go with a fine – and shall reap the consequences of that foolish behavior.
And Cate has apparently not finished gallivanting. She is probably off to Indonesia for a few days this week and will swing by Australia to see her ancient mother again. 

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I give it a 10/10 for badness

On our SKY Satellite TV there are about 200 Channels. They include some of the weirdest things I have ever seen – but prominent are  30 Music Channels. Of these, most are now showing what is billed as ‘Christmas Music’.

This is usually excruciatingly awful dross pumped out by singers and bands in an attempt to join retail land in extracting as much money as possible from a gullible and tone deaf public in the mad frenzy leading up to the frantic Christmas break.

This is always accompanied by mass hysteria and the frenzied buying of inappropriate presents, drunken family brawls and fist fights,  family dismemberments, crowded casualty wards, horrendous Facebook posts with embarrassing photos,  overeating and hangovers the size of which is exceeded only by the magnitude of credit card bills which arrive in January. 

This steaming pile of gruesome and execrable human behavior is apparently perpetrated to celebrate the birth of someone called Jesus who was born about 2,000 years - ago and died a bit later - to save us from our sins. Good luck with that one Jesus. How do you think it is going so far?  

In the interest of research I have done a brief study of the musical offerings. It was by no means an exhaustive analysis as this would have entailed listening to all the songs – and I would rather disembowel myself in the woods with a stick.

However. My view is that this song by Wizzard is clearly the worst – by a wide margin.

It is tuneless dirge performed by a bunch of really weird looking hippie people. The quality of the costumes matches that of the music.  There are the required number of small children not really playing instruments and trying not to cry after having to do this for some hours while the hippies smoked dope and drank scotch – or whatever it is that hippies do when they have to do gigs like this.
In short it has everything a really bad Christmas song should have. I give it a 10/10 for badness.

The best is this one by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. This one I give the highest rating possible of 0/10 for badness. I really wish Kirsty MacColl had not been killed by a speedboat because she was some talented lady. 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Beware of Israelis with sharks

Monika decided to check out the snow to see what all the fuss was about.
The dinner party went well and Cate gave me a high marking. In fact a 10 out of 10 – but she is a generous marker.
For the record I made Honey Roasted Chicken (my own recipe) and a Turkish Potato dish with Turkish Spices, Olives and other stuff. Dessert was an Esterhazy Torte which I did not make.
Today is a holiday (Immaculate Conception) but as I am not religious I am doing extra housework.  Cate is not at work but all public holidays mean for her is that she works at home.
But – many of the shops are open.  Apparently Immaculate Conception does not filter down to retail land – except at Bauhaus where I went to buy some firewood - but was greeted with closed doors. Then I remembered that Jesus was a Carpenter and it all became clear.
Julian was due to swing by to do all the heavy lifting. I buy the wood from Bauhaus and take it home and he schlepps it up to the apartment – so we had to postpone that.
So that I don’t completely clog up my Blog with photos I am starting to load them into my Picasa album. If you have the urge you can get to this by clicking on the Picasa button on the side menu.
The big news today is that the Egyptians have accused Mossad of training sharks to kill tourists. The Governor of South Sinai has said
"What is being said about the Mossad throwing the deadly shark [in the sea] to hit tourism in Egypt is not out of the question, but it needs time to confirm," he is reported to have said.
I reckon it’s Julian Assange in a shark suit.
Borowitz is brilliant today and is worth a look. 

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

If Australian Cricket was a horse they would shoot it.

This is either an Englishman cricket player celebrating a crushing victory over Australia or a Republican celebrating another crushing victory over President Obama.

England did not just beat Australia – they comprehensively flogged them without mercy. 

After seeing this result one can fairly confidently predict that England will retain the Ashes – and indeed may win four tests. If the Australian cricket team was a horse the vets would have arrived to shoot it to put it put of its misery.

As expected, the Obama administration rolled over on tax cuts for the really rich and gave the Republicans everything they wanted. If the Obama administration was a horse it would also be shot.

I am so disappointed with President Obama and the Democrats that I am not going to write anything more about politics until the next Presidential election cycle starts. That will probably be in March 2011 - although Ms Palin has already started. 

In celebration of the arrival of winter I bought a coat on the weekend at the delightfully named Peek and Kloppenburg. It is just fabulous and is quite the warmest coat I have ever had. It will be perfect for Lapland.

The coat I bought is in the photo. I do not look quite as cool as this dude – but cool enough.

I have never understood the hoods with fur on the outside but Cate tells me it is a fashion thing. I am not sure about this because I think the Inuit also have fur on the outside of their coats and they are the least fashionable dressers I have ever seen.

I did not realize until after the purchase that I had acquired a Hugo Boss coat. The range is called Boss Orange. He also does other colors. I just do not know where Hugo gets the time to make all this stuff.

I now have something with which I can wear my Hugo Boss underpants. These are the most expensive underpants I have ever bought and I have been afraid to wear them until now because they would be more expensive than anything else I had on and it just did not seem right.

As I detailed in an earlier Blog – the underpants were an error of judgment and I bought them by mistake. I thought the price tag must have related to the suit next to the underpants – but no. By the time I realized what was happening the sales person had extracted the money from me and pushed me out the door.

The coat will give me the opportunity to take the underpants for a run. I will let you know what it is like to wear underpants that cost as much as an iPod.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Has anyone seen Lenny?

Australia is well on the way to a colossal flogging in Adelaide but may be saved by the rain. This would be most unjust for England who have comprehensively outplayed them in every department – but who cares about fairness and justice in sport. The only thing that matters is not to be beaten. Ask the Russian Football Federation.

Now I am going to have to offend some people today but it cannot be helped. Sometimes the madness and stupidity of humanity in general – and religious loonies –in particular – drive me a bit potty and I have to shout. 

In Pakistan a Christian woman named Asi Bibi has been sentenced to death for blasphemy. She was arrested after having an altercation with some women who refused to drink water because she had touched it, or gotten near to it – or something. She may have said something unkind about the particular deity that they worship.

Now there are many, many stupid things in the world but the concept of blasphemy is so ludicrous that it makes me nauseous. 

‘I have this imaginary friend who lives in the sky. He is everywhere but he is invisible. He is so powerful that he can do anything at all. No one has ever seen him but we know he is there because we pray to him and he performs miracles. If you insult him I will kill you.’

‘Hmm…I see. Well I have a different imaginary friend who is also powerful and invisible and performs miracles - and I do not want you to insult him but if you do I will not kill you - I will pray for you.’

‘No your God is the wrong God. Mine is the only true God and I you do not believe that then I will kill you.’

‘That seems a bit harsh. Does your God not show any mercy?'

'Yes – but not to people who do not believe in him.’


I am almost ready for the Dinner Party. I have finished the plumbing work and now just need to polish the Satellite Dish on the roof and blacken the car tires. Tomorrow it will be just a matter of taking the curlers out of the cats' fur and tidying my sock drawer. Oh - and cooking. 

Has anyone seen Lenny? He will not be my friend on Facebook and does not comment on my Blog anymore. I miss his little wet slobbery smoochy face. It seems so long ago that he first pissed on my legs.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Have you polished the Toaster?

The low temperature in Wien in Sunday was -12. That is pretty cold. It was in fact so cold on Sunday that Sissi was most reluctant to venture outside.

The air conditioners in the apartment are doing what they usually do in extreme temperatures – they are becoming Kaput. However – Rozalin has organized for the guys to come on Monday and - if it is the usual guy - he is a genius – a veritable Michelangelo of heating – and will sort them out very quickly.

So I expect that we will be very warm by Tuesday evening.

Tuesday is important for me as on Tuesday night Cate has invited some of her staff home for a Christmas Knees Up. So I will be spending the next two days preparing for this fantastic and gastronomical event. The cooking will not be a problem but the peripheral activities will be the killer.

I will (as I usually do) imagine that I have everything under control and will be cruising along peacefully  when disaster will swoop from the clouds like the Angel of Death.

Cate will say something like ‘have you polished the Toaster?’
‘The Toaster! Have you polished the Toaster?’
‘Why would I polish the Toaster?’
‘Because it is not shiny enough – it needs to be really shiny!’
‘Who the feck cares if the Toaster is shiny?’
 ‘I do!’

So I will polish the fecking Toaster and then tidy the inside of the bathroom cupboard in the guest room (someone might look in there) and by this time my soup will has boiled over and the potatoes are burning.

From a situation of supreme control we have deteriorated into one of catastrophe and blind panic. The kitchen is beginning to look like it was decorated by Al Qaeda and Sons and the guests are arriving in 10 minutes - and I haven’t vacuumed the front door mat or polished the light globes in the studies.

It will take me days to recover – and I will have to go to SCS to buy a Toaster  replace the one I threw into courtyard.

A few more from Stadtpark

Our courtyard in Am Heumarkt
More courtyard

A Musical Dude - Stadtpark is stuffed with them
Late winter sun
Some Ducks for Maalie
I know it's just so boring for people who were brought up with snow but goes us it is just magical and phantasmagorical.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Stadtpark today

Christmas tram
Wienfluss (Vienna River)
The Duck Pond froze overnight
Stadtpark benches

A gorgeous day in Vienna today

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Tallest Man On Earth

This is the music to Sissi in the Snow - I did not realize I had attached a soundtrack - so I must acknowledge one of my favorite musicians - who is in fact Swedish and knows about snow.

It just cannot be a full-scale ark!

The ‘winners’ of the draw to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups were announced and for days leading up to this stupendous and epoch making event the BBC had a major presence covering every breathless exchange between everyone in Zurich.

They interviewed everyone they could find – and David Beckham many times. 

David always looked like he had just been shagging someone – and desperately needed a haircut – but on each occasion squeaked his confidence in England’s chances – as did everyone else the BBC asked – as they worked their way through many hundreds of officials, ex-players, hangers-on, royalty and many other people of doubtful provenance.

England’s chances were sort of kicked to the shithouse a day or so ago when Panorama aired a show alleging that 3 FIFA officials had accepted bribes. Yawn.

More surprising would have been a documentary alleging that of the 20 odd FIFA officials - 3 did NOT accept bribes.

FIFA must surely be the most corrupt  ‘sporting’ organization outside the International Olympic Committee (which cannot be matched in that respect) and indeed is picking two World Cup venues at the same time to screw the maximum amount out of the market for their retirement funds.

Even so – England thought they had a good chance because Russia was the favorite but Vladimir Putin had decided not to go to Zurich and this was interpreted as a sign that he knew Russia could not win. Unfortunately it was a sign that the Russia had already won. Not that he could know this because it is a secret ballot and no one knows until the final votes. (Yeh sure).

Anyway it was a complete fiasco and England received only 2 votes and went out in the first round. Thank you Panorama! Thank you linesmen, thank you ball boys. You may bid again for the World Cup in 2030 - or stick your head up a dead bear's bum - your call. 

After this tragic news BBC felt it necessary to again interview everyone on the planet and for good measure interviewed some fans who had been waiting in the snow in London for the results. They were – as you can imagine – disappointed – but are looking forward to the actual events so that can watch England get flogged by Transylvania and Bogiztan  – if indeed they can make it to the final 32.

For a country that invented the fecking game England does not have much of a track record playing it in the World Cup – but Becks will still be available for 2018 and can coach in 2022.

Meanwhile, in the Antipodes, Australia waited – also breathlessly – for its chance for the 2022 World Cup. Australia could not match the courageous performance of England and received only 1 vote – also exiting in the first round. If Australia was a horse in this race it would have been shot. 

It may have been something to do with a cartoon Kangaroo giving part of the presentation but I reckon it was more like the $100 Billion that Qatar was going to ante up to host the event. That seems like a lot of money – you can bail out Ireland or a Wall Street bank for less than that!

Yes – I said Qatar – that magnificent footballing nation with such a strong track record in the World Cup. It’s somewhere in the Middle East. It’s hot and sandy – but they will grow grass for the football games.

I am sure I could not have heard this right but the BBC commentator aid that Qatar is going to build 22 new stadia and after the World Cup will deconstruct parts of them and ship them to third world countries where thy will re-construct them. 

Now that’s not the craziest thing I have ever heard - but it goes close. And because it gets so hot over there they are going to build air-conditioned stadia – that will be good for the planet. 

We should all fasten our seat belts for a rise in oil prices in 2018 because by then the $100 Billion will be more like $400 Billion and you and I will have to pay for it.

But I am just not going to pay for the full-scale Noah’s Ark that some lunatics are going to build near the Creation Museum in Kentucky. As reported yesterday

“Governor Steve Beshear today joined the Ark Encounter LLC to announce the planned construction of a full-scale Noah’s Ark tourist attraction in northern Kentucky. Partnering with the Ark Encounter is Answers in Genesis, which is most widely known for its high-tech and popular Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky.
“We are excited to join with the Ark Encounter group as it seeks to provide this unique, family-friendly tourist attraction to the Commonwealth,” said Gov. Beshear. “Bringing new jobs to Kentucky is my top priority, and with the estimated 900 jobs this project will create, I am happy about the economic impact this project will have on the Northern Kentucky region.”
Now you just have to know that something is seriously wrong when a State Governor endorses a project that actually promotes the loopy concept of creationism – in a State where they already have a Creation Museum, which shows children and dinosaurs playing together. Good grief! What is the matter with that country?

And anyway – it cannot possibly be a full-scale Ark. It may be full-scale in terms of what they deduce were the measurements in the bible - but my own previous calculations (Using MS Excel) show that the ‘full-scale’ Ark could not even hold all the Beetles, Frogs, Reptiles etc. not to mention the hordes of Ducks and other larger hairy beasts. 

To get anywhere near close to being able to accommodate all them – and allowing even crawl space for Noah and his family – even in bunk beds - you would need something twice the size of the Pentagon – and even then it would be like the Tokyo subway at peak hour. 

And it would be a complete shambles because anyone who has seen any of David Attenborough knows that all the creatures of the planet want to do is eat each other - all day every day. There is just no stopping them. 

Thankfully - almost exclusively - Republicans will fund the project  - so Democrats can put aside their money in the hope that they may be able to have a token one or two seats left in Congress after the election. 

The opening ceremony will be performed by President Palin and the First Dude. Don't laugh! Ms Palin is a creationist and wants it taught in schools. What is the matter with that country?

THIS is snow!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Ho, Ho, Ho

Cate gets back from Moscow today. Yesterday it was -28 and her nose froze in the short time she was between hotel and car. She got herself back into working order with some Horseradish Vodka.

It was positively balmy here by comparison – although I ventured out only briefly.  Sissi on the other hand was busting to get out into the snow all day and kept sitting at the terrace door - looking sad until I opened it.

Well thank goodness the Republicans have stopped pretending that they give a rat’s arse about America and its common or garden variety people.  

Senate Republicans promised Wednesday to block legislative action on EVERY issue being considered by the lame-duck Congress until the dispute over extending the Bush-era tax cuts is resolved and an extension of current government funding is approved.

They have rejected the Democrat’s offer to extend all those tax cuts except the ones to the top 2% of income earners in the USA.

That’s right – the long term unemployed - whose benefits stopped on 30 November - can go fuck themselves until those rich Americans – and I mean the ones who earn more than $250,000 per annum (net not gross) can get their tax cuts.

There is really not much you can say about a political party that has these sorts of priorities.

Perhaps Ho, Ho, Ho - to the unemployed and to President Obama (if indeed he really did think at any stage that there was ever ANY possibility of a bipartisan approach to anything).

PS: Last chance to get Justin's bio before Christmas - it's 65% off. If I see him when I have my cricket bat with me I will help him take the Second Step 2 Forever.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sticks and Stones

It's coming down in droves today.
Here I was sitting in Vienna thinking I was quite happy when who should pop up out of his burrow but my old mate Cardinal Pell.  
And yes he’s slagging off at me again because I do not share his completely irrational belief of the invisible man who lives in the sky. According to him I am not happy. I am frightened, insecure, discontented. 
He chose the time of goodwill to all men to say things about us Atheists such as we have  ''nothing beyond the constructs they confect to cover the abyss''.
He also made a number of other very offensive comments along the lines that if you are not religious your life is shallow and meaningless and not worth living.
It takes a large amount of blinkered Chutzpah for someone like the Cardinal to talk about ‘constructs to confect the abyss’.  He lives in the biggest fairy tale the world has ever seen. He is part of a vast and corrupt organisation that has been built on foundations of sand – with not a scintilla of evidence to support any single one of the beliefs and practices of the church.  And this from Cardinal Pell who is a world class Bigot, Misogynist and Homophobe.
I find it astonishing that when any prominent Atheist – such as Richard Dawkins – makes a statement about religion – he is accused of being an ‘Aggressive Atheist’. Cardinal Pell and his brethren blithely slag off Atheists every day of the week without censure and barely a comment in passing.
Mainly of course because to Atheists it does not matter what Cardinal Pell and any other member of any other church say.
They are irrelevant. They inhabit a world of their own making where everything they do is determined by someone else – who no one has ever seen – but who is so mighty and powerful that he must be worshipped, bowed to and scraped to every day.
Atheists live in the real world. We understand that this is all there is. That does not frighten us. We appreciate the world for what it is and we appreciate the wonders of creation and nature.
I have a joy for life and the world around me. Once I was religious and was afraid of death. Now I am free of that burden and am content in the knowledge that I am a creature of creation. I have a limited time span here – as every other creature does – and then I will disappear. I don’t particularly want to go (this may change after then next US Presidential election) but I am not worried about it.
To quote the Australian Atheist Foundation
“Far from seeking to cover the abyss, the atheist looks a hostile universe full in its face without recourse to the emotional security blanket of religion and the supernatural. Unlike Pell’s Church (which has become a byword for superstition and resistance to scientific thinking) the atheist sees the world on its own terms, without the rose-tinted glasses of the promise of an afterlife”
We just need to get on with it.