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Thursday, July 14, 2016

I am just not good at blogging anymore.

I am really bad at this now. But I blogged for 8 years and perhaps I am blogged out. I do have a lot of other things to do and now with Pokemon Go the dog and I will be out and about all the time. But I do post on Facebook so you can see me there if you are that desperate. 

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Mangled apricot hellbeast

Gosh - where to start.

Well it is so hot here that plants are withering and dying and birds are dropping from the sky. We are watering the garden constantly to help our new plants survive and so far there are only a couple of casualties.

Today we had our weekly pilgrimage to Rosie’s nursery to buy plants. We always go there at noon on the hottest day of the weekend and the people at the nursery sit in the shade and watch in astonishment as we trudge around in 100 degree heat and collect plants - slithering in our own perspiration. 

I am encouraged by the fact that we are almost out of room and new plants can only be planted if the old ones are removed. 

This may slow Cate down bit but she is very tenacious and may want me to build a deck over the garden so that she can put in another layer. 

We have commissioned a new fence so that we can provide more space for Georgia to hurtle about. It will also get her closer to passers by in the street so that she does not strain herself barking her head off at them. Georgia considers that anyone she can see is trespassing on her domain. 

Anyway - she is getting one of our grassy bits and Cate’s forlorn hope is that she will run about on the grass and stop tearing the garden to pieces. 

Good luck with that.

It is mulching time again and this year I got only four yards. This means that we have a reasonably light covering of mulch and are not up to our knees in it like we were last year when I cornered the mulch market in Indianapolis. 

I had a very easy time and forked it into the wheelbarrow and Johnny schlepped it up the driveway and into the garden.

Speaking off being forked - I see that the Trumpster’s wheels are finally starting to fall off as he continues his reign of stupidity and starts to plummet in the polls.

This blithering nitwit has turned stupidity into an art form and really should be stuffed and put in a glass case on rosewood plinths in the Museum of Natural History. 

The case would  be labelled ‘the dumbest man who ever lived’. And Jiminy Cricket - there is a lot of competition for this title in America.  

I loved the comments on twitter after he congratulated the Scots for leaving the EU (they voted to remain).


My favourite was someone who called him a ‘Mangled apricot hellbeast’ - although I quite liked ‘weapons-grade plum’. 

Thursday, June 16, 2016

You will be begging me to stop

Thank you it is so good to be here and just look at the crowd - and I only gave them one day’s notice that I was coming. There are a few empty seats and I just know those liars in the press are going to report this badly but you know what they are like. Sad. But when I am President they won’t be so unfair on me you can be sure about that because I am going to make so many rules about lying in the press that they will barely be able to print their names. 

And I just love this town. I have so many friends in this town you would not believe and they are all good people and they like me a lot  because of what I do here. I have businesses all over the place and they are very profitable and I make a lot of money but the people who work for me make lots of money too and they love me because I am such a good employer. 

When I am President I will be coming here a lot - you know there is one of my really good golf courses in this state and it is a very good and famous golf course and my friends say it is the best golf course they have ever seen. 

I have lots of friends here and they all play golf on my really good golf course and I will have really big golf tournaments here and get the best players - really good and famous players and they will be so good for this town. I know many really good golfers and many of them are my friends and will do anything for me and will come to this beautiful golf course to play. 

You would not believe how good it is going to be when I am President. You will want them to change the laws so that I can be President for life because I will be just so good. 

You will have so many victories about so many things that you will be begging me to stop because you will be winning so much.

It will be so good and I will make so many good laws about the press and I will make laws about a lot of other things to and I will make so many laws about good things that you will be crying out for no more laws but they will be good laws and I will do this while I am building a giant wall to keep the Mexicans out and there will be laws about them too and I will be passing laws to send them back to Mexico and I am sorry but they all have to go and they can come back legally but the ones who come back have to be good people - my people tell me there are some good Mexicans and we have to make sure these are the ones who come back because we do not want any rapists or murderers and we will have a system to work out who the good ones are because we are not having any more people here who are not legal or are rapists or criminals. 

I will just get the best people to do this and it will be easy and there will be no problems and you will really like it. I have done so many things that this will not be a problem because I will get the best people and they will do a really good job and you will be so happy. 

So we need to talk about crooked Hillary. I just don't understand why she is not in jail I mean she is so crooked and she has always been crooked and I mean since forever when she stole money from the petty cash in Arkansas right up until the time she crept into the American embassy in Benghazi and slit the ambassador’s throat. 

She is just so crooked - and so is her husband - he is even worse and has raped many thousands of women. I know this is true because I know people - I know a lot of people - you would not believe how many people I know - some of them are rich like me - not as rich as me because I am very rich - but reasonably rich. And I trust these people because they are rich people like me and we just know things that poor people do not know. 

Anyway I sent a team to Arkansas and you would not believe what they found. I will tell you when the time is right but it will be a very big bombshell which will send Bill and Hillary straight to jail its unbelievable. 

You know Bill and Hillary are quite rich - not as rich as I am - but rich - but they stole their money from the Clinton foundation - you know how much that foundation has raised - 60 billion dollars - and you know how much has been give to charity -  $127.16 and the rest has been stolen by Bill and Hillary because they both have to pay lots of money to keep Bill’s rape victims quiet. You would not believe how many women have been raped by Bill Clinton it is just unbelievable and some men too my people tell me.   

So as soon as I am President I am going to tell the Attorney General to put Bill and Hillary in jail. I will let them be together because I am a nice man and everyone loves me. They all say I am a very nice man and my employees love me. Everyone loves me and especially the black people and women and latinos - they all love and are always telling me how nice I am and I have many friends who tell me all the time how  nice I am. 

A very good friend rang today - he is quite a rich man - not as rich as me - but quite rich and he said you are a really nice man and it is no wonder everyone loves you. 

And I am sorry but Barack Obama will have to go to jail too because of this ISIS thing and the fact that he is a muslim and helps ISIS - now I don't care if he is a muslim because the muslims all love me but I don't think the President should be helping ISIS so he will just have to go to jail - probably not for long - I will have to see - but he has to go. But perhaps he will have to be deported back to Kenya and will have to come back legally and I am not sure about this because of there ISIS thing and as long as he is not a rapist.