It is a language composed in bedlam

Cate is sort of on the mend but is still at home and of course this is an added strain on my home duties as it requires constant attention  to her needs for water and lemon juice and coffee and such.

Last night she spent from 7:00 PM until 11:00 PM on a telephone call and I simply would not have thought this would have been possible – but clearly it is because she did it – barking like a seal every now and then - but muting the call when she did so as to not alarm the other participants.

I have just finished my second week with Frau Knickerbocker and I must say that up until a week or so ago I thought that separable verbs were the worst things the Germans had ever invented – but no – there are in fact more ghastly things.

Each – yes  EACH German is Nominativ, Akkusative or Dativ and (depending on what they are) this will determine how you form the rest of the sentence you are about to construct.

Did I mention that you also have to know what the gender of the noun is? EVERY noun.

There are of course many other rules – too numerous to mention. Some so arcane and so  baroque that they would make Machiavelli swoon.

It is astonishing to me that Germans can communicate at all.

I am eternally flabbergasted that Germans do not meet each other in the street and emit guttural grunts while flapping their arms uselessly in the air - attempting to convey the meaning of their words.

It is a language composed in bedlam by a committee of loons.

Sissi was disappointed with the snowfall

Cate has been ill in bed for the last three days so I have been playing nurse.  This is the consequences of not getting an annual Flu shot which we all should do in Vienna - and which I did.

Cate says it was not her fault because she travels so much – to which I say – Foofle!

She should get this at her work and she was not there when it took place but she can always go along to see Dr Mordor with me and I will make sure she does that next year because the last three days have not been a happy time for either of us.

I have done the best I can providing fresh orange juice and hot lemon juice and using a Bobcat to clean out the used tissues but it has not been a happy time.

She is however on the mend and is now wading through the 6 million emails that arrived during her time of incapacity.

You can tell when Cate is really unwell – she is too feeble to use her BlackBerry.

However – on the bright side – as she has been running a ferocious fever she has been generating enormous heat so the cats have been able to warm up nicely by lying on top of her - and she has been too weak to shrug them off.

I have shown a photo of the drizzly amount of snow we got last week. Sissi was most disappointed with the paucity of the fall.

I should mention that last week Merisi went to Vorarlberg and stayed near Damuls which calls itself the 'snowiest village on earth'.

In this area they measure their snowfalls in metres. This is where Cate and I should be and we may go there this year instead of Schladming which is our usual spot at the end of summer. 

After two hours of German my brain goes mushy

I would like to tell you that I have not blogged because I have spent every spare moment studying German - but of course this is not the case.

After two hours of German my brain goes a bit mushy and I have to repair to the TV to watch something less taxing - like cricket or golf or ski jumping – and in the latter case I am pleased to report that the Austrians are world champions.

But – and I have complained about this before – I am astonished by the UK advertisers fascination with animals. Almost every second advertisement has a person communicating in some way with an imaginary animal or creature.

And they interact with them quite normally. They discuss insurance and mobile phones. Now I always watch these with the sound muted so maybe they lose something - but to me they seem surreal.

They latest one has a man and a woman sitting at a counter discussing a mobile phone or something and there is the Yoda character from Star Wars who dives in and (I think) tells them about the best plan.

I mean – what would he know about mobile phones – wasn’t he suppose to be telepathic. I mean he can raise himself off his arse through his own thought processes – who would he call?

And the endless fascination with washing powders.

Oh Mummy something horrible happened at school today – Snotty Potter’s mummy washed his shirt with New Omo and he dazzled the shit out of all of us – it was so humiliating.

OMG! I knew this would happen if I kept washing with  Grey Sludge – quick I will run to Tesco’s for New Omo while you get all your shirts out. No more humiliation for you young man!

Not to mention the never-ending morbid fascination they have for toilet bowls. I will spare you the details on that one.

But the people who drive me crazy are the ones who won’t stop still while they talk to you (not that I have any idea what they are saying because I am not listening) but you would think that they had been given plenty of notice that they have to do this commercial so would just stop still long enough to do it.

But no – the camera has to chase them down supermarket aisles and around counters and through turnstiles and out into car parks.

Or else they start walking toward the camera and won’t stop and the poor camera man has to backtrack through the supermarket or bank dodging people and prams and trolleys while they bang on about the wallop that they are selling which is no good to me even if I wanted it because it is in a different country.

I would fix them. I would say – take a break for coffee – and then I would glue their shoes to the floor.

See how far you can walk now!

We have had some snow after a fashion in Vienna but it has been a bit spasmodic and sludgy. I have now despondently written winter off and am preparing myself for spring.  

Still – there is nothing wrong with spring. It’s an excellent time to learn German – and advertise washing powder and toilet cleaner.