Thursday, September 3, 2015

I suspect a trap

So the pond rocks lasted not very long at all and are now scattered from here to Missouri. She ferreted  through them and dug an enormous hole which exposed the tree roots – which she then ate.

So the current score is Georgia 2 Badger 0

When Cate left yesterday she said ‘WE have to do something about this today’.

Meaning YOU have to do something about this today.

I had two mugs of my Fresh Market Cafe Noir while I pondered the problem and decided that much more extreme measures were required.

Beheading the dog has some merit but would not be popular so I went to Lowes to buy some poultry wire (chook wire in Australian). I cut a piece about 4 feet by 4 feet and then cut a hole for the tree trunk – and of course had to cut the entire thing down the middle so that it fitted around the tree.

I laid this out and surrounded it with plastic edging. I then filled the whole thing with about a ton of pond rocks and surrounded it with plastic edging. She has so far looked at this with some interest but has not attempted to dismantle it.

She may now move on to greener pastures and I will soon have to do the same thing to each and every tree and shrub in the garden.

Yesterday I went to my second session with my personal trainer – Erica. She lives in the same block which is just as well because I am not capable of walking very far after we have finished the session – and am completely useless the day after.

This is part of my plan to get fit and lose weight. I have a medicine ball and 10lb dumbbells which I play with every day.

She has a very small dog who licks my face when I am doing exercises on the floor. This is no problem because at home I have a very large dog who licks me and it is like being rubbed with a very wet sneaker.

It is outrageously hot here and I really hope this is the last of it. I am completely over summer and want fall and winter to envelope us so that I can sit in front of the fire with my menagerie.

Something weird is happening here as road crews have been out putting new asphalt on some of the worst parts of the cratered goat tracks that we call streets. This type of stuff rarely happens here and requires much more investigation.

I suspect a trap.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Le mode du jour

The X15
I lost Georgia’s Kong. The Kong is a rubber thingy that we stuff with peanut butter each night to keep her occupied while we eat. It keeps her busy for about half an hour. I simply cannot imagine what happened to it but I have ordered another one immediately as it is her favorite thing.

I suspect she took it outside and buried it but I cant find it.

He second favorite thing appears to be digging holes next to trees. These are  very large holes and expose the tree roots – which she eats. So I bought some round coconut fiber mats to put around the trees. I put one down and covered it with mulch.

As soon as she found it she tore it to pieces and scattered the tattered remains around the garden. My next trick was to buy bags of pond rocks and pile these around the main tree. This has slowed her down because she cannot easily dig through the rocks – but I think larger rocks may be necessary.

Cate keeps wringing her hands and saying that the dog will kill the trees. My jaundiced response is:

Who wanted a dog?

Did you know that dogs dig?

However as it turns out I am responsible for the digging and the stopping thereof so I have thrown myself into the task with my usual enthusiasm.

Anyway – about the webworms.

I could not interest the pest control people in webworms. We don’t do webworms he said. No I don’t know what you do with webworms he said.

So I bought some pruners on the end of a 14 foot stick and have managed to cut down all the webs except some which are very high indeed. I may have to buy a flamethrower – which fortunately I can buy on line.

I am thinking of the X15 because they say on their website:

“I’ve shot and fought around the world and I have to say, there’s nothing quite like launching napalm. It’s a must for your bucket list!”

I think this may become the mode du jour for dealing with problems which could only previously be solved with guns.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

You die in seconds

Australian drop bear
I had to go to Petco today to buy another dog bed for downstairs. Just to clear up any confusion – at night  Georgia sleeps upstairs in our bedroom in a bed which is inside a dog crate.

Downstairs she sleeps in another dog bed – which is exactly the same as the one upstairs. Except that now Sissi has decided that Georgia is harmless – and probably a bit dim – she has started sleeping in Georgia’s bed downstairs.

So that Georgia does not have to sleep on the floor I have bought another bed – exactly the same as the other two – to put in the kitchen for Georgia.

The people who make the beds are probably at this very moment putting on extra staff to cope with the demand.

We have had web worms in our mulberry tree. I had never heard of web worms until we saw the nests and looked them up on Google. They may or may not do any harm to the tree – there is some uncertainty about this – but in any event they make monster webs and it  looks like giant spiders live in our tree - and I just cannot deal with spiders.

I have never been the same since I was about five years old and my brother was chasing a large huntsman spider around the ceiling with a broom. He knocked it off the ceiling and it fell down the front of my shirt. This was a scarifying and unforgettable experience.

Lenny also has arachnophobia – possibly from the time when he was much younger and I asked him to clean the spider webs off the windows – and then clean the windows.  He used three cans of spider killer – so the spiders sort of drowned rather than being poisoned –and the area around that house is still a dead zone without bugs or spiders or any other living thing.

Anyway since then he has been very wary of spiders – which is good in Australia because we have spiders the size of kittens that can jump 10 feet and bury their fangs in your eyes.

The good part is that you die in seconds.

I was reading something on the Internet the other day and it listed all the venomous creatures in Australia – and there are a lot of them. Snakes, spiders, jelly fish, Irukandji, sharks, crocodiles, bunyips, drop bears, giant kangaroos that can disembowel you with one stroke of their massive paws -  and the list goes on.

In Vienna the most dangerous creature was a hedgehog. In Indianapolis it is a squirrel.

Of course around here the most common form of death is gunshot but I have read the statistics and have found that most homicides are carried out by family members.

Which is why I will not let my family visit me in Indianapolis  - and I keep a close eye on Cate.