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Monday, February 8, 2016

Can't wait

Georgia is frightened of this
Cate is in Osaka so I have been noodling around doing a few chores. 

I watched the Super Bowl yesterday and saw the Bronco’s defense murder the Panthers. It was nice to see Peyton with another Super Bowl - even though it should have been for the Colts. 

I did not watch the half time show because I think it is a load of old rubbish and for some reason I just cannot put up with that Beyonce person. There is something about her that I dislike intensely.

But she is very popular and perhaps it is just me.

On the other hand of course - while I love Coldplay - Chris Martin cannot sing - and has never been able to - so there is no point in watching him. 

Also I cannot forgive him for hooking up with Gwyneth Paltrow who is my least favorite actress in the known universe. I have not been able to watch her since I saw ‘Sliding Doors’ and she spoke with an awful English accent that sounded like she had stuffed her nose with kokosflocken and acted like she was wading blindfolded through maple syrup. 

But she is very popular and perhaps it is just me. 

Or perhaps I am looking at life with a jaundiced view today because at 7:30 this morning while I was resting peacefully - Georgia emptied the considerable contents of her stomach onto my pillow.

I took Georgia to the dog park on Friday and some asshole accused Georgia of attacking his dog. I do not believe this - but I took Georgia away. 

He was a stupid man and his dog was stupid too. It had a small head and a big body. I think it might have been psychologically disturbed. Maybe it had seen ‘Sliding Doors’ too. 

I think perhaps Georgia barked and frightened them both. She has a loud bark but as she is frightened of the cats and any burglar has nothing much to fear. 

This week we are going to Panama. I cannot really explain why but Cate wanted to have a weekend with her brother and sister-in-law who live in Washington DC. I was thinking maybe somewhere in New England but things got out of hand and - while we were at one stage looking at Cuba - we settled on Panama.

We will actually be traveling to and from Panama for longer than we will be there but we both love air travel so much it should be a blast. It is apparently one of the hottest places on the planet and is absolutely infested with the Zika virus. 

Fortunately there is absolutely nothing to see or do so you can spend all day in a  cold tub of water reading novels. 

Can’t wait. 

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Good luck with that

Serial bed eater!
After a valiant effort to stop Georgia eating her new bed we have given up. This is only because we cannot watch her 24 hours per day. When she goes quiet we sink into a state of bliss and forget that when she is quiet - something bad is happening. This rule always applies.

So far in the bed department it is Georgia 3 and us 0.

I am beginning to think that Georgia’s former minders gave her to us because she was eating their house.

But I am not to worried because I am now buying her beds from Costco and they are exceedingly cheap – and I am going to start buying them in six packs.

Cate is sick of our sheets and bedspread – which I have not changed since we got Georgia. Sure I have washed them but I have not changed them for replacement ones – because they are full of holes.

When Georgia is dozing off at night – or waking up in the morning – she likes to have a bit of a chew. Our bed linen looks like Swiss cheese. So if I put new ones on the bed she will chew these – and then we will be back where we started.

I have a bunch of brand new Jennifer Lopez sheets which we got from Kohl’s when we arrived. We bought Jennifer Lopez sheets because they were the only ones available.

I looked her up on the Internet. She sings and dances and designs things. I bet she did not spend too much time on these sheets. They are king size and brown. Even I could design a king size brown sheet. What sort of input would she have?

Hello it’s Jennifer – for my next set of brown sheets can I have them smothered in sequins?

I am so sorry Ms Lopez but if we put sequins on them no one will buy them.

So it’s just boring brown sheets again then?

Yup!

I have finally finished the palaver for Cate’s US tax return. I will now sit and wait for the barrage of emails requesting new information. The amount of information that Uncle Sam wants about everything is just astonishing.

I just cannot wait for Ted Cruz to be elected so that we can do our taxes on a postcard. Or even Carly Fiorina who will reduce the taxation legislation to three pages.

Good luck with that!

Monday, February 1, 2016

There is probably a reason

I see that Starbucks and Spotify have an app that allows you to listen to the music being played in Starbucks – even when you are not in the store. 

Now I have waiting for an app like this for so long that it makes my teeth ache.

How many times have I been in a Starbucks store thinking – gee I wish I could listen to this music when I was not in Starbucks.

OK I admit that it has never crossed my mind but someone has been out there making an app the does not seem to meet an unfulfilled need – as it seems that most of them do not.

Or perhaps it is just me. Perhaps this will be the killer app of the decade. You see at some stage I am going to find that the world is passing me by.

To date I have kept up with technology and music – apart from Rap and Hip Hop which makes no sense to me at all. But sooner or later I am just going to scratch my head and say ‘young people today!’

Actually I have already done this with young black men who wear their jeans round their knees with their underpants exposed to the world.

Now this really has had me perplexed - not because of fashion – I mean goodness me some of the stuff that fashion designers come up with would stun a bunyip – but the practicality of it.

See - they have to walk by shuffling their feet 6 inches forward at a time. I mean how can you walk when your knees are tied together with jeans?


But I am sure there is a reason for this just as there is for Karl Lagerfeld to always wear sunglasses and gloves. I mean apart from the fact that he wants to look like a drink waiter in an up market bordello.