Thursday, May 28, 2009

We are not buying the gold plated tow bar!

The number of readers has crept up again – I think Merisi must be in visiting hourly.

This is certainly not due to the quality of the Blog and indeed Cate berated me yesterday for the turgid drivel that I have been sloshing about.

When I said I would write a Blog I did not say I would make it interesting. I am sure she thinks my life is much more interesting than it really is. She could ask Muffin what happens here during the day and confirm that the answer is ‘bugger all’.

The only chance I have of a conversation is with a delivery person and as this person has usually just walked up six flights of stairs they are not in the mood to listen to me mangling the German language.

But where in the name of the Gaspar the Patron Saint of Beagles have my Blog commenters gone. Where is everybody out there?

I have been talking for some time to Herr Schmutzigewäsche at Mercedes about a bicycle rack for Billy Benz.

He initially offered me a roof rack plus bike racks - which would cost about €600 but we are not sure about this as the thought of hammering along the A2 with two bikes on the roof makes me a bit uneasy.

Can you imagine a bike flying off the car at 150 kilometers and hour? I can.

Hang on – I will be in our car – not the car behind us – so that’s probably OK.

So I asked him to let me know how much a tow bar and rack would cost.

€3,050 is the answer. Excuse me?

This was expensive even by Wien/Mercedes standards (I mean you can get a perfectly nice meal in Meinl Am Graben for that – well – not really nice – well barely edible actually – and there won’t be much of it - AND a bottle of Wachau Valley Gruner Veltliner).

So I went back and said – Excuse me – did you say €3,050?

‘I know it is expensive’ he said ‘ but they have to make some alterations to the car’. What does this mean? Don’t you just bolt a tow bar onto the bottom of the car – perhaps the alterations are done in Ouagadougou by the dry cleaners?

Even without the gold plating it is too expensive so we are back to roof racks and will have to take our chances. Without this we cannot go flambling around the countryside so it has to be done.

I am due to have my second FSME injection which is to protect me against the ferocious ticks which infest the countryside hereabouts. They are apparently the size of kittens and Rozalin has warned me that they can do immense damage and possibly take a leg off if they get you unawares at the right angle.

I am not confident that that FSME will be strong enough so am taking a 5 Iron to deal with the more aggressive ticks many of whom were apparently enraged by the AC/DC concert on Sunday and are out for revenge.

You can tell these ones – they have cotton wool stuffed in their ears.

Rozalin went to this concert and as she can no longer hear anything at all except a faint buzzing in her ears she carries a slate and chalk so that Cate can write her messages.

Incidentally – I saw Angus Young being ‘interviewed’ on TV and I can tell you that 40 years of prancing around in a school uniform playing deafening music and consuming many strange substances – many of them probably illegal – has not done his powers of speech or comprehension any good at all.

But he seems happy because he smiles a lot. I imagine he also has buzzing ears.

But – say what you like about Acca Dacca – it is the greatest Rock and Roll band in the world – and always has been.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Lunatic of the Month Award

There were some moments of great excitement last night when I rendered the OzCon website totally useless. It took me a sweaty 30 minutes to get it going again.

There are still some bits that are not quite right but at least people can use it while I figure out how to fix it.

The software I bought (and for which I paid twice) looks OK but it will take some getting used to so I need to go slowly.

Theoretically the software converts everything from and to html but in practice it often does not always do it all – so manual intervention is required – usually with unfortunate consequences.

The problem with stuff like this is that you only have to make a very small coding error and everything goes wobbly – or disappears.

I have changed all the lights that were not functioning and have taken the ladder to its new home in the basement. I am dreading the day when one of the really high lights goes out.

Apart from the fact that I have to carry the ladder up 6 flights of stairs I am not looking forward to scaling the heights necessary to reach the lights.

The problem with the ceiling is not only that some parts are so high – but that others are very low. In the kitchen – for example – the ceiling slopes so that near the large storage cupboard it is only about 5 feet high. This means that I keep crashing into it when I go to this cupboard. This leaves marks on both the ceiling and my head.

We are going to visit Moni and the Kätzchen on Friday – this is the first time we will have seen them. Rozalin is going with us to commence the negotiations for the release date. It is proving harder to get these cats than to get a terrorist out of Gitmo.

We hope to have them by mid June so that we can bed them in before we go away. We hope that Gretchen will be able to stay in the apartment to look after them – and if not we need to find another resident cat minder.

Gretchen is apparently not as young as I thought she was and is in fact going to university. She doesn’t drink coffee so may be a little bit suspect but I am prepared to overlook this. We have made her an offer and she is thinking about it.

You will have noticed that the moving pictures of ducks have not yet materialised. This is simply because I have not had time to take the pictures and then work out how to use the software to edit them and load them onto the website.

My days are absolutely crushing and it is often hard work to cram in coffee, lunch, coffee a bicycle ride and an afternoon nap. In fact I haven’t been for a bike ride for a week or so – I missed the last couple of days because it is simply too hot.

I know it is not quite the end of the month but I can safely make my “Lunatic of the Month Award”.

There were a couple of right wing Austrian politicians in the running early but they were blown away by an old favourite.

The winner is Kim Jong Il of the Democratic Republic of Loopy Land. In fact it is hard to see anyone beating him for the Annual Award for 2009.

Of course if he declares war on South Korea he gets to keep the trophy forever.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I am guilty of multiple accounts of perjury

It’s all over for Frau Almhupfer – the gravy train has ended. I received my BIPA card yesterday (they must have worked overtime) so can now buy things for which I get the points.

The ladder arrived but as a special punishment for not being home the first time he called the delivery man made me go to the front gate to collect it and then I had to carry it up six flights of stairs.

He also (probably after the Friday phone call) appears to have attacked the ladder with a sledge hammer and the bottom rung was bent and detached from the other thingies.

I had to make a decision. Do I ring them and go through the agony of trying to get another ladder - or do I fix it myself. A no brainer really. I straightened out the rung as best I could and reattached it with my rivet gun.

If you don’t have a rivet gun you should get one – it is the most useful thing I have ever bought. Tell your SO you would like one for your birthday – you won’t regret it.

I have had my first foray into the stratosphere of our lounge room ceiling. I moved the table then stood the ladder on the table and then climbed to the top of the ladder. This enabled me to change the lights at the second highest level.

Cate went into her study and put her iPod on so that she could not hear any screams or thuds.

I really do not know how I am going to get to the highest lights. I have spoken to Muffin again and she has absolutely no interest in being attached to the end of a broomstick. She says she gets vertigo.

I had to buy a piece of website software from a US company so that I can more easily change the pages of the site I am looking after. I bought it as a download - and they charged me for two downloads.

I sent them an email and suggested that they might like to give me a refund.

This would have been far too simple so they sent me a ‘Letter of Destruction’ which I have to fill out and sign to say that I have destroyed the second item of software (that I didn’t download) and have done many other things which include destroying the (non-existent) documentation.

Then I sent this off and perhaps after 30 days I may get a refund.

A normal person would fall off their trolley and shout about this but I have now been in Austria for 9 months and have nerves of steel. Minor obstacles like this are but ripples on a pond.

I have filled out the form (committing about 10 different counts of perjury) and sent it off and will wait quietly for a refund – and arrest when we go to the USA in July.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Cate stole my dinner

We started late as predicted – but not for the usual reasons.

This time Cate was on work phone calls until 5:30 AM on Thursday morning. I stayed up until 4:00 AM when I had to crash. So we were decidedly wobbly on Thursday and didn’t get moving until about 11.30.

There is a way not to drive to Krakow and we took it on the way there.

It appears that the NSW Government has been franchising its road building operations and many of the roads in Slovakia are collections of potholes joined loosely by gravel. Some of them are almost as bad as the northern parts of the Pacific ‘Highway’ in NSW except that there are no ‘Give Way To Goats’ signs.

(However, some of the minor roads in Poland are worse).

We explored these tracks for some hours as we wended our way via Zilina. Then the traffic going into Krakow was diabolical so the whole trip took us more than 7 hours.

In the process we left one country and visited three others. (Austria, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Poland). This is a record for us which will probably stand for some time.

The way to go – as we worked out coming home – is via Brno. This trip took 5 hours - all on motorways. Next time we will have a close look at our Europe road atlas and not rely solely on out car GPS.

Lesson – the shortest route is not necessarily the quickest route if you are visiting countries which have had the benefit of previous Communist road building and maintenance programs.

As predicted – I could not get an Internet connection in Krakow. Despite the fact that there was a free wireless connection in the room – and that Cate was able to access this without any problems – I could not get liftoff.

My connection refused to work - until I got it home and then it lit up like a Christmas Tree and started beavering away. Perhaps it was homesick.

The car park used by the hotel was so far away from the hotel that they sent a porter with me to find it and guide me back on foot. He had little English so we conversed (after a fashion) in German. The car park man also spoke to me in German (because we have a car with Austrian number plates). I explained to both of them that I was Australian and (unlike the Pope) had not been a member of the Hitler Youth.

Anyway – Krakow is delightful and our hotel was very nice. The bed was (as usual) too short. This seems to be inevitable in any older hotel in Europe – and I don’t quite understand why.

On Friday we went to Auschwitz and Birkenau – which we have both wanted to do for many years. These are very scary places indeed and at Auschwitz I had to sit quietly for a while Cate soldiered on.

I have read many, many books about the war and the Nazis and the Jews but nothing really prepares you for a close encounter like this. There were zillions of people there – which is good – and indeed it should be compulsory viewing.

Also on Friday a man tried to deliver the ladder I ordered over the Internet. He was most disturbed to find – when he rang me – that I was not in Wien – and that there was no one else in the apartment.

This was a clear breach of the regulations as – once having ordered something in Wien – you are required to wait by the front door for it to be delivered – despite the fact the no one will ever give you even a vague hint of when this may happen.

I explained to him on a couple of occasions (in my very best German - Ich bin nicht in Wien heute!) that I was in Poland and that my Frau was with me and that no we were not home and would not be there until Monday.

I finally broke through the barrier of disbelief and he went off to report me to the appropriate authorities. I imagine that my ladder is now on its way back to Germany and that I will have to start the process again.

Saturday was slight cheerier as we visited the Castle (every city in Europe has at least one large one and often a few smaller ones) and Cate got to visit two churches. This of course pleased her no end.

The castle was especially harrowing for me as we had to buy a ticket and then wait two hours to get to see it - but on this occasion I must admit that it was of a very high standard with lots of tapestries and chairs and ancient stuff that you see in these types of places.

I am glad I didn’t live in the 16th century as there were apparently no vacuum cleaners and the dust from the tapestries would have killed me. And anyway who could move the beds to vacuum underneath them – they must weigh 20 tonnes! (But of course are far too short).

However, all this ancient stuff doesn’t mean much to me as I have no real interest in anything that existed much before 1870 - but Cate wallows in it.

The afternoon was a bit grimmer as we went to visit the old Jewish quarter, saw the remains of the Ghetto – and saw Oskar Schindler’s factory. But – once again – some things that had to be seen.

The hotel gave us a book which purported to be the best restaurants in Krakow and we sampled two that had received awards. If you are going to Krakow I can give you the names of two restaurants you should not bother visiting. They were very average indeed.

I ended up eating two ducks. I had duck the first night – and it was not much good at all. The second night I ordered a steak with Roquefort sauce and Cate had the duck – but it arrived too rare (It is supposed to be rare) so Cate stole my steak and I had duck again (and it was also not much good).

I am not sure I can face the guys across the road but will just have to tough it out.

Krakow hops night and day. The main square is colossally crowded – I would really not like to be there at peak tourist time – and there are more restaurants, clubs and nightclubs than I have ever seen before in such a small city.

There are almost as many beggars as there are in Wien but they are not as well organised and none had half crutches which I think are essential for this line of work. One man had a dog which gets me every time so I gave him some money.

If he had had a duck I would have given him the keys to Billy as I was feeling full of remorse.

Last week I went past the man who has the begging spot near Massimo and he was bent double leaning on his half crutch and shaking violently. When I came back that way later he was sitting on the bench with his feet up having a cigarette. This had evidently calmed his nerves considerably and he was no longer shaking.

Billy Benz went like a dream and we think that Cate has received at least one speeding ticket so I will watch the letter box with interest as I am still ahead on fines and she needs to catch up. One policeman by the side of the road tried to catch her on video but she swept by him at high speed and blew him into the shrubbery. I last saw him upside down with his legs sticking out of a hedge.

Naturally I was not allowed to drive much - except in the blinding rain coming home from Auschwitz and this was quite an ordeal. I was pretty safe as no sane policeman would be out in weather like that.

The Poles are very civilized and do not allow smoking in restaurants. Also not every person has at least one dog that needs to relieve itself in the middle of the footpath at least once each day.

Wien is a wonderful city but in terms of smoking and dog poo the whole town sucks and there is something seriously wrong with the people who run this country.

Muffin was bright and shiny when we got back and it is apparent that Gretchen gave her some good brushings. I am going to try to sign Gretchen up for our home leave as she appears to be a natural cat minder.

She also won’t use much electricity as at her age she is probably not allowed to stay up much past 8:00 PM when Hannah Montana finishes on the Disney Channel.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Duck Day

There are duck pictures today – but only one small duck is apparent. There were a whole bunch last week and two yesterday. They are either resting in the undergrowth or (more likely) have been eaten by something furry.

Cate got quite excited this morning when I put on a T shirt that wasn’t black. I told her that this was just a temporary aberration and was not the start of a trend.

I will be Back in Black in Krakow.

Merisi has told me how to insert a link that opens in a new browser page. (She is not just a world class duck eating photographer!). I shall give this a try. (But – you can do this yourself when you are browsing).

In fact – I regret to report that I will once again have to delve into HTML. I have agreed to look after the OzCon (Australian Connection) website in Wien so I have to re-learn those skills.

(Despite its name OzCon is not the name of John Howard and Peter Costello’s new company).

Oh – Sorry – SMACK – Ouch!

Years ago I was building websites using Dreamweaver but never got past kindergarten stage. The only websites I built from scratch were so bad that I had therapy so that I would forget the URLs and never see them again. These are probably now used as case studies:

“How a website should not look and function”

My specialty was losing pages (and occasionally the entire sites). Using FTP software I would download the page – build it or change it and then upload it. Sometimes it would vanish – and sometimes the entire site would vanish and take hours (or days) to recover. I wonder if I still have this particular skill.

Should I warn OzCon? Perhaps not – they would only fret.

So I am dusting off my Dreamweaver and HTML books ready for the fray. I have ordered a new book from Amazon as there is now something called CSS that I may need to know about. I am not looking forward to this.

I didn’t mention my birthday dinner. As Cate did not get back until 6.30 AM on Friday I did not know if she would be up to dinner – so did not book.

As it happens, she was so we went up to Landstrasser-Hauptstrasse to find a Japanese restaurant so that Melissa could have some Sushi.

We looked at a couple and chose the worst one (I assume it was the worst – it is difficult to imagine anything beating it). It was not a happy occasion and we got out as soon as we could and scuttled home to sulk.

The Water Heater has stopped squeaking. I turned the temperature down and this seems to have calmed it down.

The main reason we are going to Krakow is to go to Auschwitz. This is something we have both wanted to do for a long time. In recent times there have been many unhappy incidents in Germany and Austria perpetrated not just by neo-Nazis but by seemingly intelligent and rational people.

This incident was reported a few days ago:

“A group of students from Vienna has been thrown out of Auschwitz after they shouted Nazi insults during a tour of the death camp.The pupils from the Gymnasium Albertgasse in Vienna-Josefstadt said: "There must have been a reason why Jewish people were gassed" and "All Jews should simply be gassed" while a survivor of the camp, who guided the group on a day late April, looked on”.

This is by no means an isolated incident here – these types of things happen weekly – without much comment.

There is – I regret to say – a strong undercurrent of racism and anti-Semitism in Austria and it is not made any better by the activities and slogans of the right wing parties – who have an astonishing amount of support.

When students behave like this it makes you wonder. What do they get from their parents and teachers?

I may not get to Blog tomorrow because I can’t imagine that my Drei mobile Internet connection will work in Krakow – it barely works here. Therefore I have to bring you up to date on news:

“Terrified workmen called in police after they came face to face with a 1.3-metre long deadly snake.The two men had been working on in a forest in a power supply line in a wood near Mürzzuschlag, Styria when they spotted the snake in some grass.A vet, who rushed to the site after the workers called cops, identified the animal as an albino boa constrictor and took it away to be re-homed.”

Deadly? How can a 1.3 metre boa constrictor be deadly? At that size it would be struggling to deal with Muffin.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

No Baby Ducks again today

Not much to report to day – I have been a bit too stretched to put much thought into a Blog. I really do need an assistant – Muffin is no help at all.

We may be getting Moni and the kitten early and Henry Kissinger is negotiating with the Cat Owner now. We will have to provide a bond and references but any blind person who can get a driving licence is not going to be bothered with faking that sort of stuff.

I kept my handyman sprit alive today by doing some painting and some grouting. A few weeks ago I installed a shelf in the laundry as there was nowhere to store all the stuff that one has in a laundry. Today I painted that shelf.

I also re-grouted my shower as it was in a state of considerable disrepair.

I could have asked the building maintenance people to do these things but life is too short and I would not have been able to cope with the barrage of calls in German from workman and their helpers.

Yesterday the air coolers were to be delivered - but they had the wrong address.

Had the wrong address?

Today the address I gave them initially apparently worked OK (maybe my address doesn’t work on Mondays?) so the coolers arrived at about 8.30.

They have been installed and work very well. My remote control thingy doesn’t work but what the hell.

Of course they look awful and Cate will hate them – but we will not be as hot as we were last summer and that must count for something.

On her recent travels Cate bought me a new Passport holder. It is made by Mont Blanc so comes with a Service Guide. I have to take it in for a service every six months but for an extra fee they will send out a technician. They will probably also send it birthday cards.

I still haven’t received my BIPA card and had to buy some stuff today – so Frau Almhupfer has yet more points. I hope she uses these wisely.

Today was to be as baby duck photography day but I got caught up with handyman stuff, housekeeping and shopping. At this rate the little blighters will be teenagers before I get to them.

I will make a big effort tomorrow.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Corpses in Aspic

Many thanks to those who sent Birthday Greetings.

I went to Naschmarkt today to buy Voodoo dolls and pins for those of you who didn’t. If you feel sharp pains in your miserable little bodies you will know who is causing it.

Melissa is on her way back to Paris and to Merlin and Henri. She will be coming to Wien again early in June when Cate goes on her next major trip and tries to do three countries in 6 days.

Rozalin organised a Knees Up at Szigeti’s ( in Schleifmuhlgasse - with her friend Lorelei. This started at 4:00 when we met near Naschmarkt to buy meat, cheese, bread and olives - and was supposed to go for an hour or so as the place usually closes early.

Well this night it didn’t so we got home rather late after sampling a number of bottles of Sekt – which is delightful – and not expensive at all by Wien standards. The Gruner Veltliner was the favourite.

Melissa and I went to see the Crypt in Michaeler Kirche in the Innere Stadt but failed once again to get the timing right. We finally established that when the sign says that Crypt Open 11.00 -1.30 it means not from 11.00 to 1.30 but that tours take place at those times.

So it is on our list for June and we are looking forward to it because there are apparently some decayed corpses which can be viewed and these will make Melissa’s day. I suppose and hope that they are under glass or in aspic.

Melissa and I went to the Central Cemetery (Zentralfriedhof) in Simmering. It is a very interesting place – and the old parts are very Gothic. It was raining so we did not see any cats (or bees) but will go there again when it is sunny. I have some pics which I will post soon.

Café Schwarzenburg – a beautiful old café on the Ring - is one of the few places which has gone entirely smoke free indoors so not only is it very pleasant to be in – it is also usually deserted inside. Outside of course outside it is packed to the gunwales.

Melissa and I went their twice and we will continue to patronise it until they change back to smoking.

The new Cat Minders just called to introduce themselves. Gunter is the owner of the business and Gretchen is the minder who will call to look after Muffin.

Gretchen appears to be entirely suitable – if very young – so I have entrusted her with Muffin’s safety for the Krakow weekend.

If have asked Gretchen if she is allowed to travel on the U-Bahn without an adult and she has assured me that she can – and she carries a note from her mother. I have put a milk crate it the lobby so she can stand on this to get the key in the door.

The Krakow extravaganza commences on Thursday which is a Feiertag in Austria. We plan on starting early for the drive to Krakow – and for us means that we will try to stagger out of the apartment by 11.00.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Special Birthday Edition

They are showing the Giro d’Italia on Eurosport here and yesterday it came to Austria and finished in Mayrhofen.

This was the closest I have ever been to a big bike race so you can imagine how excited Muffin and I were when we were watching it live.

The coverage is provided by English Eurosport so the commentary is in English – well part of it anyway – the second commentator is Sean Kelly who is Irish – and - while being the winner years ago in the Vuelta a España – and no doubt being very knowledgeable – is incomprehensible.

His accent is bad enough but he also apparently puts a golf ball in his mouth a gunny sack over his head before speaking – and drones on and on.

There is this droning noise which reminds me of a blow fly buzzing around the kitchen in my old home in Deniliquin.

Anyway – for some weird reason in the subtitles showing the time gaps they do not use the commonly accepted terms to describe the race. So instead of the ‘Peloton’ we have ‘The Bunch’. There can be a ‘Leading Bunch’, a ‘Second Bunch’ and the ‘Main Bunch’.

It has a certain lack of sophistication.

For those of you who need to know - Aussie Michael Rogers is in third place after the second day in the mountains.

It was too wet to ride yesterday so I made a couple of panels for my Koala quilt. This is coming along nicely and I hope to be able to exhibit it at the Royal Easter Show when we get back.

We ordered some lamps from Hitzinger and Hitzinger and these have arrived so I will enlist Melissa’s help to collect them. This is another of these places that takes only cash so it requires a visit to the bank first.

If I remember correctly one of the lamps is a figure of a person bending over and trying to stick his/her head up his/her bottom (I don’t know whether it’s a boy or a girl). I am looking forward to seeing it again to see if we made a wise choice.

Cate discovered that when I fell down the stairs I mangled one of our lamps. Not during the fall mind you but when I was staggering around after the fall trying to reattach my ear with the stapler I splashed some blood on a two metre high lamp that lurks in the corner of the room.

When I was trying to clean the blood off I managed to slip and fall on top of the lamp. (No I don’t know how I manage to do these things).

This did it no good at all so I had to try and straighten it out and then turn it around so that damage was not glaringly obvious.

Cate discovered my clumsy panel beating job – and took it very well considering - so we had to go and buy a new lamp and while we were there I saw the head up the bottom lamp and Cate saw a giant aluminum cocoon which may have been used as a prop in Alien 3. Of course she just had to have it.

This one is very large hence my need for Melissa’s help.

For my birthday Cate brought me home some Thai Airways socks and a sleep mask – together with a croissant that she saved for me from her breakfast.

Of course you can’t buy birthday cards on planes but she wrote a very nice message for me on the back of her Boarding Pass.

Tomorrow if it is sunny we will go looking for cats in cemeteries in Wien.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

The pic is one of Ben in Bangkok. The hotel staff prop him up on Cate's vast bed with an orchid under his arm.

I am posting early on account of its my Birthday tomorrow and I need to celebrate by riding to Bregenz and back. This will take a while.

There was apparently some consternation that the drop in readership would cause me to stop writing the Blog. This is not the case and as long as at least one demented reader remains I will Blog.

Merisi may have to increase her visits to 10 a day to keep my spirits up.

I am collecting Melissa from the airport tonight and we will probably go nightclubbing – or maybe just go home and have a glass of Mineralwasser mit Gaz.

Up until last night I thought that OAP was an acronym for an Austrian political party as it appears often in the newspaper. On closer reading I found that it is an acronym for Old Age Person (or Pensioner).

Just as elsewhere, in Austria you are classified by what you are rather than what you have done. If you are old you cannot just be found on a bathroom floor or run over by a tram you are an ‘OAP found on bathroom floor’ or ‘OAP run over by tram’.

I bet you have never seen ‘short fat lady with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’. It would be ‘woman eaten by lion’ unless she was retired – when it would be ‘OAP with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’

Another weird example from the Austrian Times yesterday is:

“Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

A serial sex shop vandal has been revealed as a Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver.Cops arrested Zoltan L. last week for more than 80 attacks on sex shops in which he blocked door locks with super glue, poured acid on shop windows and plastered them with newspapers, leaving damages of around 180,000 Euros.But they said today (Mon) that the 38-year-old was a converted Muslim "who looked like a Taliban" with a long beard. He admitted religious reasons had been behind the vandalism spree.Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital. Tourists line up in the city centre and at the Schönbrunn park for a ride.”

Zoltan L?

Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver?

Looked like a Taliban?

Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital?

Who writes this stuff. How would he have been described him if he was Muslim Sales Assistant at Billa? Would they have explained what Billa was and what a sales assistant does?

“Billa is a chain of stores which sells food and household items. These are placed strategically around the city so that people can buy food and stuff. They sell things like potatoes and milk. You should eat things like this if you don’t want to die.”

I leave you with

“Lower Austrian bison farmer Hannes Bohinc beat off stiff competition to win the Powerboat Grand Prix of the Sea off Malta yesterday”.

Bison farmer? Power Boat Grand Prix? Sea off Malta?

Who is looking after the Bison while he is flambling round in the Sea off Malta?