Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
And now for something completely different. Some photos. Eight have music in common. One is Austrian.
All of them are on my iPod. If you like you can tell me who they are. If you don't like then don't!
You can cheat by looking at the pic properties.But do you really want to cheat?
She has a boyfriend - but she has been vilified for - amongst many other things - not having children (‘she is deliberately barren!’ shrieked one of the loonier right wing Senators) and having a kitchen that is too tidy (I kid you not).
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I have been racking my brains to remember the worst films I have ever seen. This is very subjective of course and the films that I hate may be - in fact almost certainly are - adored by other people - but I am film critic of some renown and know rubbish when I see it.
There are films that Cate and I have walked out of. One I can remember distinctly was Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. I quite liked the first Bridget Jones movie - and really should have known better than to see a sequel. We lasted only ten minutes.
Another was Hoodlum with Laurence Fishburne and it had Tim Roth - so I expected more. It was ghastly. crass, gross, vile, disgusting.
One that I wanted to walk out on was Swordfish with Hugh Jackman - but I was with some people who really needed to see as much of Hugh Jackman as they could - so I was trapped.
This is the one where he is a computer whiz and under duress is required to perform miracles deciphering code or debugging things at maniacal speed - fingers flashing across the keyboard.
He never gets messages saying “Internet Explorer has stopped working - please wait while we look for a solution” (don’t bother - there isn’t one!)
A recent one was Australia. We were in a hotel somewhere and paid an extraordinary amount of money to watch this on the crappy TV in the hotel room. Strangely - no matter that Cate stays in 4 and 5 star hotels when she travels on business - the TVs are often crappy - and they all have really terrible reception. It is like watching the screen through a bed sheet.
After 15 minutes of Australia we agreed that it was not worth watching so turned it off.
I think (and I am guessing) that because it is a Baz Luhrmann movie it was probably a caricature of Australia and some Australians and was not supposed to represent them as they are in real life. Just as we are presented in movies like Crocodile Dundee and that sort of stuff. Knuckleheads with funny accents who drink a lot of beer.
Anyway - it was a pile of steaming nonsense and not worth the effort. We would have been better off watching Mammary Lane which was on the Adult Channel. This featured Tyfanee Starr and Stud Burrell who are two of my favorite actors.
I can remember some others - but it might be like what they say about childbirth - the longer ago it was - the less you remember about the bad bits.
One that will never leave me. One that was so excruciatingly and cloyingly awful - one that has left an indelible stain on my mind which will never be erased - is Pearl Harbor.
This for me was the worst film ever I have ever seen for so many, many reasons.
It is a pretty simple story - told very well in fact in Tora, Tora, Tora. The Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and catch part of the American fleet at anchor. Many die. America enters the war.
Hmmm.....how can we make that TARFU?
I know - let’s make it a love story with - wait for it - Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett (groan).
Let’s turn a simple plot into something so implausible that it will make people gasp with disbelief.
let’s give them some totally risible dialogue and retch inducing moments so that people Laugh out Loud during the film. i.e.
RAF Squadron Leader speaking to American pilot back from shooting down Jerry.
“Some people frown on the Yanks for not being in this war. I'd just like to say that if there are any more back home like you, God help anyone who goes to war with America.”
Well - we cannot have the movie ending with a defeat for the Americans so we have to extend it to cover Doolittle’s raid on Tokyo.
Yes I know this has nothing to do with Pearl Harbor. Oh - and let’s have the fighter pilots fly the bombers - well they are airplanes aren’t they? Engines and wings - what’s the difference?
Let’s take a film with really terrific potential and fuck it up so badly it becomes unwatchable except to the hammered, stoned and mentally impaired and really old people in nursing homes who are propped up in front of the TV by nurse and left there for the duration whimpering silently and trying to commit self-euthanasia through will power alone.
I will never see another film this bad again - simply because I will refuse to watch it. When I saw this I was trapped with a group of people and had to content myself with some discrete groans and sighs - theirs and mine.
The best part about the film is the enormous number of hilarious derogatory reviews it generated on IMDB.
It won many awards - and - except for one - all for sound, music, editing and special effects. Strangely it won the award in China for Outstanding Translated Foreign Film.
I think that perhaps the translators took a local view of the dialogue and made some changes. i.e.
RAF Squadron Leader speaking to American pilot back from shooting down Jerry.
“You have proved your bravery against the fascist hordes but are still an Imperialist Running Dog and and not worthy to lick our boots . Grovel before the proletariat you American swine.”
Oh - and this film capped Ben Affleck’s nomination by the Razzies for “Worst Actor of the Decade”. A title he so richly deserved.
This is the type of news I like to read:
“Hollywood actress Amanda Bynes has retired - at the ripe old age of 24. The Hairspray star and Forbes young rich-lister used Twitter to announce she had quit the film industry because "being an actress isn't as much fun as it may seem."
Now this is the type of actor I really like. One who retires before I have heard of them. If only some others would follow this example.
A cynic would say that Amanda is retiring because she cannot get any work - but I am not that type of person.
Although I am reminded of the ‘retirement’ a few years ago of the woman in Australia who stood in front of the Lotto machine (or whatever it is) and read the number off the balls as they landed.
She was sacked and later issued a statement that she had retired to spend more time with her family.
One cynic suggested that her family would really value the extra 7 minutes per week she could spend with them. Cruel world.
And no I have not yet worked out what Joe Lieberman is trying to do. It has me foxed completely - this is bizarre even by US standards - but I will keep thinking.
It would almost be worth watching the frothing, apoplectic, eye popping, vein expanding, ear steaming performance this will bring forth from Glenn Beck - but not quite. All the best bits end up on YouTube and I shall be patient.
The Kiwis have put Australia to shame - holding the Azzurri to a draw. The Italians did their customary diving to get a penalty - and succeeded - but this is the way the operate - and indeed are expected to operate.
An English newspaper I read said that it was ‘cunning play’ by the Italian player who took the dive.
Honestly - who would want to watch a game where cheating is an integral and accepted part of it.
Football is one of the few games where you can do this - which is why it is now an art form - because it is not about playing the game - it is only about winning.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The post headline is indeed a story in the Austrian Independent. I shall not elaborate because anyone who cannot cook a rissole without creating chaos needs no publicity from me.
Because it has been a particularly grueling weekend in terms of World Cup matches - and because Maalie made some particularly pertinent and hurtful remarks in response to my friendly post about English football - I am not going to attempt to do anything except regale you with a couple of stories.
We know by now that people who live in Arizona are different. This from CNN a week or so ago:
“RENO, Nev. -- Voters dressed in chicken costumes won't be allowed inside Nevada polling places this year.
State election officials on Friday added chicken suits to the list of banned items after weeks of ridicule directed at Republican Senate candidate Sue Lowden.
The millionaire casino executive and former beauty queen recently suggested that people barter with doctors for medical care, like when "our grandparents would bring a chicken to the doctor."
Democrats responded by setting up a website, "Chickens for Checkups," and by sending volunteers in chicken suits to her campaign events”.
When a State adds chicken suits to a lost of things banned at polling booths - I think we are in trouble.
The people from Louisiana are also different: This from CNN:
“Louisiana's state senate has designated today a statewide day of prayer in response to the Gulf oil spill.
"Thus far efforts made by mortals to try to solve the crisis have been to no avail," state Sen. Robert Adley said in a statement. "It is clearly time for a miracle for us."
Well that should do the job. Look at the Crackerjack job prayer has done for all our previous problems. Hmmm....let me count the ways.
And just to prove that life is stranger than fiction.
Independent US Senator Joe Lieberman has (apparently seriously) proposed that the President have the power to shut down the Internet in cases of emergency.
Titled "Protecting Cyberspace as a National Asset Act", the bill stipulates any internet firms and providers must "immediately comply with any emergency measure or action developed" by a new section of the US Department of Homeland Security, dubbed the "National Centre for Cybersecurity and Communications".
I am not quite sure what Joe has in mind. he obviously does not know how the Internet works - and so is in good company with the Australian Minister for Communications.
But - I can envisage a big double-handled switch in the President’s coat cupboard. You know the handles I mean - they use them whenever they are electrocuting baddies (or goodies) in black and white films. The warden stands there with his left hand on the big handle - staring at the clock on the wall. The seconds tick down - agonizingly - we wait for the last 60 seconds as the second hand sweeps around the clock. The convicted man squirms in the chair - seat drips from the brow of the priest in the front row of the glass walled viewing chamber - the convicted man’s mother sobs quietly being comforted by the murdered man’s wife. 5 seconds to go - the phone jangles
"Hello my name's Jason from Telstra we are having a special offer this week on iPhone plans - can you spare me five minutes to talk about this?"
"Sure Jason I would love an iPhone, just give me sixty seconds - hold the line"
Zap, Pop, Fizzle.
I am sure Joe is just having a lend of us - I mean look at the picture.
Gotcha with this one. If this does not make Glenn Beck's brain explode nothing will.
This is such a bizarre concept that I am simply at a loss to respond. I will have to think about it.