Thursday, November 4, 2010

Welcome to the Holy Land

Today I am flew from Vienna to Tel-Aviv where the plan was that I would meet Cate at the airport and we would be taken by car to Jerusalem. 

She was flying from Jakarta to Singapore to Frankfurt and then to Tel-Aviv. Things have got a bit TARFU and she did not catch the flight out of Jakarta. It left a few hours before she arrived at the airport.  My experience in the past has been that arriving at the airport after the plane has already left  invariably leads to unhappiness.

She rang me a few times to tell me that she was not happy. Then she rang me a couple more times to remind me that she was not happy.

Cate is now arriving 24 hours later than planned. I am sitting in a hotel room in Jerusalem on my own. I am not happy.

I am taking the opportunity to brush up on my religious history.  I used to know about this sort of stuff but got waylaid and have forgotten it all. My brother once gave me a picture book about the holy land and I did look at it - although not often. 

I remember thinking at the time that if god was so terrific and powerful why didn't he something about the shitty, dry, dusty, barren land in which all his flocks were forced to live. He obviously had never seen Sydney Harbour - or girls in Bikinis. 

This is my first trip to this Holiest of Cities  and I am looking forward to seeing the place which has more religious crazies per square meter than the USA - and where a large part of the global Mumbo Jumbo-fest originated.  

I think belief in the supernatural is really strange and am fascinated by the bizarre rituals and weird practices of the devotees of the world’s religions – each one of which is of course the true religion – all others being false by definition.

And if you don’t believe in my religion I will kill you and you will go straight to HELL.  (This is a place that is run by the Tea Party).

In Israel I am planning on keeping quiet about my particular beliefs or lack thereof - as I do not wish to provoke anyone into action that I may regret. No one hates like the religious and they prove this by killing and maiming each other in droves.

I shall quietly and humbly go about my business – making appropriately soothing and appreciative noises at all the magnificent relics, icons, artifacts and whatever that attract my gaze. If necessary I am prepared to chant and pray. 

I am staying in the Dan Boutique Hotel in Jerusalem. It is very nice. I have a good 24 hours to get the renovations finished before Cate arrives.


  1. funny place as I recall. As you say "no one hates like the religious" I found it an odd mix of mystical wonder and hateful war mongering (with a splash of tourist baiting cheesyness thrown in). Girls in bikinis, if anything, has to be proof of God's existence surely?

  2. I wish you a fulfilling experience in the sacred place, Brother Badger. And I wish you a happy reunion with your loved one.

  3. Doesn't Cate get SICK TO DEATH of flying?

  4. Glen: Funny SICK place

    Maalie: Has been achieved.

    freefalling: Funnily - no. That's her job. She is responsible for a vast area - loves her job - and travels (but misses me of course)