Tuesday, June 15, 2010

So this is what it has come down to

I think Hakim forgot to water the palms again.

OK it’s safe to read my blog again. I don’t have any more tales of horror to tell.

Apart from when I jumped off the top of a burning building into a tub of honey with a child under each arm and survived the fall only to see the children be torn apart by a Kodiak bear - but that’s for another day.

As I mentioned - we have gone European with our bedding. As we cannot get the right sized linen for our beds here I lashed out last week and bought our Doonas. Now I don’t really know what these are called but they could be Bettwӓschen.

We now have two on our bed - in the fashion of Europeans who do not like to share Doonas with their loved ones. Lives yes - Doonas no.

This is not necessarily a bad thing because my beloved and I have totally different thermostats and have never at any stage been warm or cold simultaneously.

The downside is that it does provide the opportunity for a small but perfectly formed and plump black cat to get under the Bettwӓschen and claw toes.

Now Europeans apparently do not have a top sheet. They lie between the Bettwӓschen and the bottom sheet. I bought what I thought was a bottom fitted sheet - and it is supposedly the right size for the mattress - but it does not really fit and I have just had to stuff the edges under the mattress. It also has some fitted edges but some straight bits. It is indeed a very strange piece of material.

I will need some professional advice on this and will consult a local.

I was intrigued to learn (I intrigue easily) that Ms Paris Hilton has hooked up with a charity called "Songs for Soldiers" which aims to provide every American service member in active duty in Afghanistan or Iraq, with a MP3 music player.

Paris was named the celebrity ambassador for the organization and said that once the goal is reached that she hopes to be part of a trip overseas to deliver the music players.

Each player will be pre-loaded with a number of songs from artists that have donated their music.

This raises a number of issues in my tiny but curious mind.

Would there be an American service member anywhere on the planet who does not already have an MP3 player?

Are there really not much more pressing things for a ‘charity’ to do than to provide American service members with what will certainly be a second or third MP3 player?

Will this not totally destroy the market for second hand MP3 players in the dusty markets and bazaars of far flung towns all over the planet?

Is there not something more useful that a woman with the prodigious talent of Ms Hilton could do with her time and energy?

Would she not be better - for example - paddling around the Gulf of Mexico on a Li-Lo with a mop and bucket?

I think this little vignette perfectly encapsulates the state of play in the world in which we currently reside.

I can imagine an old soldier reading this story, staring thoughtfully out into his garden at his rose beds and his manicured lawn. He reaches for the small brass key he keeps in his fob pocket and opens his desk drawer. Taking out his Webley Service Revolver he checks that the chambers are full and lays the gun on the desk - where it glints dully in the late afternoon sun.

So this is what it has come down to he thinks as he carefully folds the Guardian - leaving Ms Hilton's photo face up - and drains the last drop of Earl Grey from his Wedgwood Peter Rabbit cup.

He throws the cup into the fireplace where it shatters - the last few drops of Earl Grey sizzling on the grate - and reaches for the Webley


  1. Badger: In your fascinating "bare" accounts, why don't you attempt to achieve some kind of serious and controled synthetic unity in your regard, while resisting ephemeral applause from the tribunes (awaiting sentimental stuff), instead of simply juxtaposing random elements? That would be a true tribute to your parents. For the moment, your two personal articles have been a bit "shocking weekend supplement" in the Herald. Finally, man, do what you want to do, write what you want to write. Just do it as best you can. It's none of my fucking business.

  2. Is this guy always that harsh?

    I might criticise some bourgeois obsession over sheets, but I wouldn't dream of carping at well-intended personal recollections.

    William Skyvington: as an intellectual - and you should see my credentials - I find 'resisting ephemeral applause from the tribunes (awaiting sentimental stuff), instead of simply juxtaposing random elements?' to be fatuous and pretentious. I kind of understand what you're trying to say - although the use of 'ephemeral' I would strike out in a juvenile undergraduate essay as just trying too hard - but the notion that 'juxtaposing random elements' is the only way to be sincere in such a context is postmodern bullshit.

    I assume you think yourself to be the second coming of Proust, so I look forward to your 'true' tributes appearing in airport bookstores shortly.

    Failing that, you should read Rousseau's Confessions - though I presume that you, the expert, know it inside out. Please let me know, in your interpretation, how much 'serious and controlled synthetic unity' and juxtaposition of 'random elements' you find there.

    I would look forward to your comments, but since I've read better pseud bullshit written by 18 year olds I won't hold my breath.

  3. Hehehe - that WS is a scream, isn't he?

    My husband and I went 2 doonas on the bed this winter. Not so much coz we have different body temps but coz he steals the blankets. Usually, various parts of my body are left hanging out in the cold but this winter I have my very own square bit of warmth all to myself.
    It's been revolutionary.

  4. I think I must be a tad un-intellectual, coz I really have no idea what the first commenter actually said! Almost like another language to me! :)) Unless it was pointed at the fact that he thinks you've made a completely wasteful posting or two?? ((shrug))

    I would have thought also that just about every American would own an MP3. I sort of have the impression (no disrespect intended) that it's just part of who they are, esp the younger set. ((shrug)).....again! :))

    Have also just discovered that the two comments that I left on the last two post aren't there! Could have sworn it all went through. Bugger! Here's hoping this one does.

    p.s. I thanked you for becoming a Follower on one of my blogs. Appreciate it.

  5. William: Sound advice indeed - as usual.

    Parsifal: Wonderful stuff - made my day.

    freefalling: Yeh - we are getting the hang of it - it actually works very well.

    Pam: I consider most of my posts to be wasteful in the sense that they are not making much of a contribution to world peace. They are meant as entertainment for those who want to read them - and often entertain me as I write them.

    Your comments may have been confiscated by the Ruddster.

  6. Looking at those palm trees, killed by a careless hand, made me think of Italy where weevils - brought into the country via imports - are killing off the palm trees at a frightening speed.

  7. Utter bullshit.

    I love your writing. All of it.

  8. "William: Sound advice indeed - as usual.

    Parsifal: Wonderful stuff - made my day."

    It just seemed a bit jerkish to me - that's why I mouthed off. Obviously, if you're the best of friends and William's sniping is some kind of in-joke I'm not getting then let me know. I didn't comment on the post about your mother because I'm a cerebral type who doesn't really do sentiment (not that your writing was in any way sentimental). Saying that, I guess I'm fortunate enough to get to be the cerebral type because I was brought up in a relatively stable middle-class family, unburdened at an early age with emotional issues that no child should have to face. Therefore to slag off your Bewältigung on stylistic grounds I found pretty mean-spirited.

  9. I just found your blog and I am hooked. I do not use a top sheet, I think Paris Hilton should piss off and also I think I need a dictionary or go back to school as I do not understand a lot of these comments.

  10. Most confusing set of comments....ever.

  11. Merisi: I will tell you about Cane Toads in Australia. These are very destructive and were created using the Rush Limbaugh gene.

    Wanderlust: TVM

    Parsifal: Don't know William very well. Sometimes his comments are a bit baroque and incomprehensible. But I value free speech as much as I value eccentricity.

    woogsworld: No need to go back to school. I am not sure many of us understand the comments.

    Keegan88: The are certainly in the top 5

  12. *giggles*
    Badger's salon!
    May I ask for another drink, please?