Viennese dwarf Panther.
This week’s LoL moment comes courtesy of Glenn Beck - and yes I know he provides more than his fair share - but he’s a really funny guy.
Glenn is issuing a book with his name on it. No he did not write it - there is a ghost writer - but he says that the ideas - such as they are - were his. And what ideas they are.
It is his opportunity to again spew out all the vile poisonous sludge that comprises his daily media offerings which he scatters before the dumb farmyard animals who tune in to hear and see how Adolf Hussein Obama - the Hitlerite, Marxist, Muslim, Kenyan born, Jesus hating desecrator of Christianity, defiler of all that is good in the world and now perpetrator of the largest oil spill in history is going to confiscate all their guns, put them in concentration camps and kill not just their first born but even their second and thirds before he gives the country to the evil illegals who will make all the white people domestic servants and increase the tax rate to 99%. This is after he doubles the prices of Big Macs and Coke. The Heartless Swine!
Media Matters has done an analysis of the farcical plot and the execrable writing and to save you the bother I have read some of this.
It does indeed look like a totally gruesome pile of sludge and is used as an outlet for all the jumbled, fucked up hodgepodge of chicken gizzards and crazy bat shit ideas that infest the steaming festering sludge that in Glenn’s funny little head pass for brains.
One quote sums up the novel. This is in respect of the hero suggesting to a woman that she should not attempt arouse him sexually.
"Suit yourself, lady. I'm telling you right now, you made the rules, but you're playing with fire here. I've got some rules, too, and rule number one is, don't tease the panther."
Brilliant stuff. It does not get any better than that!
But hey - it does not matter what it is - it will be a best seller. All Glenn Beck’s books are best sellers. He has large radio and TV audiences and these knuckleheads buy his books in droves.
Free speech and free enterprise at work in the home of the brave. Would you have it any other way?
Mrow! Better not pack that book when traveling to Australia. Might be seized in customs.
ReplyDeleteI love these rants, but I also miss the old Badger who would express outrage at Vienna prices and customer service while describing the difficulties inherent in seeing the doctor, buying a piece of meat, ordering a pizza etc. I hope we shall see the return of that Badger soon.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about a good Viennese rant only this morning. Expect one soon.
ReplyDeleteYay!
ReplyDeleteBut you won't completely give up on bashing America, will you?
ReplyDeleteCertainly not - but only some extra special - extra stupid Americans.
ReplyDeleteBash anything you want, it doesn't matter. It's all fodder for great writing!
ReplyDeleteThat dwarf panther is quite a cuties and so well-read too! He must make a ton of money. Is he single?
ReplyDeleteI love Vienna at the moment very much. All that pretty rain makes me feel really good about being stuck indoors. ;-)
Like Merisi, I have somehow managed - miraculously! - to steer clear of the more uncooperative and weirder locals for a number of weeks now. In particular, I've had a exceptional run of good luck in cafes, where service has been offered with a smile - can you believe it!? And for the first time in months, my favourite Billa worker did not hurl my eggs with venom across the Kassa.
ReplyDeleteI remember that there was a weirdo running for president (not Sarah Palin - the altogether less glamorous Austrian presidency), who went around arguing to the three people in Austria who would listen that the government here was secretly implanting the citizens with chips. But from my recent experience, I can only think it must have been a unhelpfulness & social awkwardness inhibitor chip.
Obviously, having waxed lyrical now, my bathroom mirror will break tomorrow, ushering in seven years of psychologically unstable Billa staff members and shitty waiters. In a way, it would be nice to go back to normal, as the last few weeks - while stress-free - have been very disconcerting. I have been hit hard with a case of the Viennese version of Stockholm Syndrome, and am perversely longing to be abused again.
America bashing is always good for the lulz
ReplyDeleteSK Waller: There is always so much to bash I just don't know where to start.
ReplyDeleteMerisi: The Dwarf Panther is a gril - and she gets a small allowance for keeping Cate's papers warm
Parsifal: Smiling waiters? Jesus! I have never seen that.
Keegan88: I only bash those who deserve it.
No - she's not a gril - she is a girl - and she is single.
ReplyDeleteThank heaven you added that last comment, I had no idea what a gril is and was already on my way to know on Wikipedia's gates! ;-)
ReplyDeleteParsifal,
have you ever been to Diglas at Wollzeile? Their waiters always smile.
PLUS: They have gone NON SMOKING (which is not such an easy business decision here!). *tara*
I just had the cutest word verification ever: NONCOFI
ReplyDeleteDiglas has gone NoSmo? That is fantastic news!
ReplyDeleteI've not been to Diglas for a long time, so I can't remember what the waiters were like there. I suppose if they were terrible, I probably would have remembered, so that's a good sign.
ReplyDeleteI behave like a Wiener in that I'm don't go to a wide variety of cafes, having chosen to pledge loyalty to the Sperl in the hope that they will notice my exclusivity. It must be working as they are nicer to me now compared to a few months ago. But I think it will probably take another number of years before I can even expect to have letters delivered there - I do know of another Engländer who has this honour at another cafe, and would love it if only out of vanity.
Talking of Engländers, I was in the Engländer some months ago, and thought the service was OK. And they have really funky toilets there. Once a week, I am always at Landtmann for a standing appointment with a colleague who is treated - and me by extension - with courtesy and attentiveness that money can't buy (she's been going there for years). I guess that's what propels my efforts at the Sperl.
Badger,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I was the one who broke the news!
We ought to go there and show them our support, what do you think?
Parsifal,
I like the Sperl in summer when the smokers sit outside!
Merisi,
ReplyDeleteYou're right - the Sperl is very smoky. But I don't mind it as I tend not to eat in the Kaffeehaus.
Parsifal: The waiters are ok. There is even occasionally a flicker of recognition.
ReplyDeleteMerisi: We must do this soon.
Of course he's going to be a best-seller, regardless of the tools who bow to the AM Band or FOX Cable of Beck. These books are regularly bought up in droves by conservative websites and movements and offered at a pittance for membership to their own websites or movements. It's a ploy. But it bumps the best-sellers' lists. Everyone knows that the market for those books are people who - if they buy - will sit the book on a shelf and rely on Beck's daily stupidity to fuel their baseless rhetoric.
ReplyDelete