Wednesday, May 28, 2014

We are taking no chances

Some sort of Goose in Stockholm

So remember that tomorrow we are going to Sweden to cycle. 

I know it seems like a long way to go to cycle when the Monon trail is only 200 yards away  - but this is what we do.

I always want to  blog when we are away but one never knows about wireless connections.

But Sweden is a very sophisticated country and I cannot imagine that there are too many places without Internet. Although we are in the wilds on the west coast – so one never knows.

We like Sweden because it is one of those terrible socialist countries which has universal health care – and social security benefits at a level that mean that after you retire you do not have to live in a brown paper bag in a septic tank and lick hot gravel for breakfast.

And – shock horror! Almost no one owns a gun. Which of course means that there are no massacres in schools or cinemas. 

This totally wrecks the breaking news segments on local TV. These are restricted to lost dogs and stolen snowmobiles.
Lutfisk prior to being used as a blunt instrument

Naturally – every now and again – someone gets beaten to death with a Lutfisk – but these events are uncommon. It is difficult to create havoc with a Lutfisk.

By the time the perp manages to beat one person to death with a Lutfisk – the Lutfisk would be totally shagged and flabby and good for nothing – not even eating. Well - my memory is that even in a pristine state they are not good for eating. 

You would need a trailer load of Lutfisk – and weeks - to perpetrate an atrocity – and the very efficient Swedish police would certainly take you in hand well before this. 

But I am taking no chances. We are taking sunscreen, umbrellas and Lutfisk repellent. Just in case.  


  1. Have a wonderful time! I will be dreaming of being anywhere but here. These days I dream of becoming a reclusive gardener in a big hat in some obscure English village. No guns there and definitely no lutfisk.

  2. I am sure that frozen lutefisk would be a better weapon, having an automatic lutefisk dispensor would help too. As far as a silencer on the lutefisk, perhaps you could put a layer of cloth around it to soften the thud noise of the beating. But I am sure the lutefisk beating victim is noisier than the thudding, so that would require a different type of noise suppression. Oh, wow, I have been watching tooo many episodes of Fargo. 'Lorne Malvo' - det låter svenskt. (That sounds Swedish)

    Have fun cycling and stay away from Norway, they stiLL know how to massacre people there by guns.