Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I am guilty of multiple accounts of perjury

It’s all over for Frau Almhupfer – the gravy train has ended. I received my BIPA card yesterday (they must have worked overtime) so can now buy things for which I get the points.

The ladder arrived but as a special punishment for not being home the first time he called the delivery man made me go to the front gate to collect it and then I had to carry it up six flights of stairs.

He also (probably after the Friday phone call) appears to have attacked the ladder with a sledge hammer and the bottom rung was bent and detached from the other thingies.

I had to make a decision. Do I ring them and go through the agony of trying to get another ladder - or do I fix it myself. A no brainer really. I straightened out the rung as best I could and reattached it with my rivet gun.

If you don’t have a rivet gun you should get one – it is the most useful thing I have ever bought. Tell your SO you would like one for your birthday – you won’t regret it.

I have had my first foray into the stratosphere of our lounge room ceiling. I moved the table then stood the ladder on the table and then climbed to the top of the ladder. This enabled me to change the lights at the second highest level.

Cate went into her study and put her iPod on so that she could not hear any screams or thuds.

I really do not know how I am going to get to the highest lights. I have spoken to Muffin again and she has absolutely no interest in being attached to the end of a broomstick. She says she gets vertigo.

I had to buy a piece of website software from a US company so that I can more easily change the pages of the site I am looking after. I bought it as a download - and they charged me for two downloads.

I sent them an email and suggested that they might like to give me a refund.

This would have been far too simple so they sent me a ‘Letter of Destruction’ which I have to fill out and sign to say that I have destroyed the second item of software (that I didn’t download) and have done many other things which include destroying the (non-existent) documentation.

Then I sent this off and perhaps after 30 days I may get a refund.

A normal person would fall off their trolley and shout about this but I have now been in Austria for 9 months and have nerves of steel. Minor obstacles like this are but ripples on a pond.

I have filled out the form (committing about 10 different counts of perjury) and sent it off and will wait quietly for a refund – and arrest when we go to the USA in July.


  1. ladder balanced on table? i don't like the sounds of that. we would like to see you in july with all of your limbs still intact. promise you will not do this when no one else is home!

  2. No - I always have Muffin there to break my fall.