Monday, March 14, 2011

Its Schanigarten time

The Schanigarten (outdoor dining areas) started popping up all over Vienna last week and the one for Pizza Grado next door to us is going up today. This is very exciting. We can start going there again – provided the wind is right so that we can avoid the smoke.

Yesterday’s Blog did not make much sense. No surprise there.

Anyway the WGC event was won by a nice guy which is all that matters. Well I suppose they are all nice guys – but you never now who is married and shagging Cocktail Waitresses these days – but this guy does not look like he is – but then neither did Tiger – who proved me wrong by shooting his best round in ages and will probably now storm back to the winners list and demonstrate that the absolute best thing you can do for your golf game is to shag Cocktail Waitresses while you are still married and be followed round the golf course by a man who shouts ‘Garn the Hole’ and another who honks like a Goose every time you play a shot.

I hasten to add that I am not casting aspersions on Cocktail Waitresses or intending to demean the profession - which I am sure is an entirely honorable one. It is just that this appears to be the occupation of most of the women with whom Mr. Woods was involved. I think some of them may have been employed in other similar capacities in the service industry - but once again I make no judgments.

If I was – for example – young and footloose and fancy free – and was serving a table in – say Burger King and Scarlett Johansson said that she wanted to shag me - and I knew that she was married – this would not be – from my perspective – a major obstacle. I would be there – to use an Australian expression – like a rat up a drainpipe – and I mean that in the sense of speed and urgency – not in any other less decorous manner.

The winner of the event was fortunately not Aaron Baddeley who I am sure is also a nice guy but who tends to blubber on about how Jesus helps him win tournaments (i.e. helps everyone else lose) and this sort of nonsense just makes me cross.

The intellectual bankruptcy of someone who thinks that an invisible man who lives in the sky actively intervenes in their sporting achievements encourages me to think about singing into the big white telephone.  

Hmmm….I don’t have much on this afternoon…. Oh I know… I’ll just pop over to Japan and kill 10,000 Japanese….I hate that Damn Sushi so much… and then I’ll help Aaron with his putting. Spare me!

Meanwhile in other news:

In Washington a House Subcommittee voted on Thursday to strip the Environmental Protection Agency of its power to regulate greenhouse gases. Republicans argue that global warming is an unproven theory and that no action is need to combat it.

In any event – if the water rises they will just use that big Ark being built in Kentucky to float about until it recedes.

Republicans say that now that they have control of Congress they have lots of other exciting measure in train to totally fuck the environment and the economy – just you wait and see!

In New York the United Nations Subcommittee for Doing Bugger All said that they expected to make a decision on the Libyan No-Fly Zone by 2016. A comprehensive review was being prepared and may be of passing academic interest to any stray survivors of the Libyan Rebels who were currently being exterminated by Colonel Gaddafi. There were not expected to be many of these but we will be able to visit the mass graves.

In the interim the committee members would continue to examine all proposals with furrowed brows and occasional ‘ahems’. A statement of concern will be issued in late May.

Hey! I think the Care-O-Meter has started working again.


  1. Such a wide spanning blog. I don't know where to start, but I'm glad your Care-O-Meter is back in action. It was missed!

  2. Could you please elaborate on "Schanigarten") It does not sound like a new ice cream flavour created by the Italian Viennese now flocking back up from their southern winter quarters.

  3. Annie: Not quite but on the mend.

    Merisi: You are such a tease!