Can you shoot whipped cream out of your breasts?

Being as I am a student of Pop Culture I was instantly attracted to a story about Katy Perry – or rather – Katy Perry’s mother.

Now Katy seems to be a decent enough girl who can sing and dance as well as the rest of them and has been able to distinguish herself by some regulation outrageous behavior including shooting whipped cream and fireworks out of her breasts.

But Katy’s mother, Mary Hudson, is a Christian evangelist and is apparently horrified by Katy’s stage routines and revealing outfits.

She writes, "Katy stepped out from behind the changing doors in a tiny risqué costume. No mother wants to see the top of her daughter's boobs... My first instinct was to order her back behind those doors and demand she put something else on... However, I had no problem letting my eyebrows say what I wouldn't allow my mouth to utter."

(Oh purleease - Ed)

And the matriarch reveals how she feels her daughter has betrayed her Christian roots: "I recognized the psalmist gift in her performance. Yet she sang out, 'I kissed a girl, and I liked it,' while thousands joined her.

"One part of my heart soared... the other part broke for the thousands of hungry souls being fed something that didn't nourish their spirit, but fed their flesh. Oh, dear God, how can I save her from all this? The money, the fame, the network, the people surrounding her, how can I compete?"

Well – can you shoot whipped cream out of your breasts?

Now I just don’t believe Mary for a second. You don’t go from Sunday School Angel to a Tits and Sequins Pop Star without some form of transition period and I am quite sure Mary knew very well what was going on. But she has to sell books. 

But was does intrigue me – and what I would like to read in the book - is what she thinks of Katy’s husband Russell Brand.  

Look I am sure Russell is a lovely fellow and I know that his addiction days are well behind him - but by the Lord Harry he is strange. He makes Colonel Gaddafi look sane.

I am wondering what the first meeting was like. I think it was a whirlwind courtship.

Mummy and Daddy this is Russell. We are going to get married.

Oh that’s nice dear. Are you religious Russell?

Not really - not since I won The Sun's “Shagger Of The Year” award in 2006, 2007 and 2008 and they named it after me.