Tuesday, October 27, 2015

I am really looking forward to it

Our barge on the Moselle river
I lost weight when I was away.

The plan was that when I came back I would continue this process by a rigorous regime of healthy eating and exercise. Well I have been too busy coughing to do anything yet and have had to cancel my personal trainer for the next two weeks.

I have noticed that when I have a really exceptional coughing fit I become unconscious. I did this once before a few years ago in Burgundy when I was coughing - and just fell to the floor dead to the world.

On this occasion I have passed out so far four times. So when I start coughing I sit down or lie on the bed. This means that I do not fall over and instead have a few seconds complete rest before awaking refreshed and ready for another cough.

There is no need to worry about this. It is a well known phenomenon and has a name (coughing syncope). I do need to ensure that I am not driving and coughing at the same time.

But I have cleaned the fridge and no unhealthy things remain – well apart from the bacon which I am keeping in case I need to kill myself in the next month or so.

There is also something green and moldy up the back of the freezer but it is glowing and I think it is radioactive - so am not going to touch it.

Incidentally Barnaby Joyce – who is Australia’s Minister for Agriculture – says that the WHO report on meat causing cancer is rubbish and we should continue as normal. And he will not change his mind even if he reads the report.  

Well I am sure that is probably what we should do – while eating a bit less meat – but I would be more confident if the pronouncement did not come from a blithering idiot who is a creationist and threatened to have Johnny Depp’s dogs executed.

I only ever sent one tweet but I thought I should boot my account into life. I am seeing each day the steaming drivel sent into the ether by such nincompoops as Donald Trump and Rupert Murdoch - and I am sure I can do better than that. There is no subtlety or wit in their fatuous pronouncements – just the witterings of silly old white men.

Also – when I have had a few drinks – I can adopt the policy as many do -of really saying what I think about people and things. Then I can spend the next few days apologizing to the world and deleting my account.

But Donald is behind now in some of the polls and is starting to incandesify and smoke is coming out of his ears. He is being beaten by Ben Carson. Holy horse feathers – anyone being beaten by that honking lunatic is indeed in big trouble.

I mean – most of the candidates have extreme views on creation, climate change, religion and women’s rights -  – but Ben Carson is batshit crazy – and I mean really, really crazy.

He is not saying phantasmagorical things because he has to – he is saying them because he means them. This is serious stuff. Compared to Ben Carson – Donald Trump is Franklin D Roosevelt.

The next debate is on Wednesday night and I am really looking forward to it.


  1. That passing out thing could be dangerous. Let me know about that tweeting, I gave it up as too difficult. Oh, and let me know about bacon day, Big Daddy and I adore it on occasion.

  2. Sorry you're not well, Badger - the cough/pass out thing sounds rough. Does whisky help, I wonder? It can't hurt!
    I hope your winter will not be as bad as it was in some parts of North America last year.

    I have just been reading through some of your blogs from when you first arrived in Austria. You are such a damn good writer! Had me in tears of laughter ... thanks :)

    I am not as sure as you seem to be about the outcome of this weekend's clash of the rugby titans. But of course, I hope you're right!

  3. Thank you for reminding me of the word 'incandesify'. Ha, the last (presidential) person I ever thought of comparing Trump to was Franklin D. Roosevelt. Maybe Teddy Roosevelt in one of his wild moment(um)s. I think one of the stranger Carson things I see is when he smiles and or kinda giggles at totally the wrong moment in a serious situation.

    1. I hope they get you fixed up reaLLy weLL veRy soon.

  4. Not at all happy about that coughing thing, not after what you went through earlier this year. But cough and all, you had me laughing throughout this post. Fee better soon!

  5. fmc: I seem to have passed the passing out stage. I am just barking like a seal. I think I will have a go at tweeting.

    Alexis: I am certainly on the mend. Thanks about the blog - I was a better blogger then. I simply cannot see the Kiwis being beaten - but we shall see.

    esb: I think he may have been a remarkable brain surgeon but the simple fact is that he is stupid. He did nit even know what the debt ceiling was - and says he would never increase it.

    SK: I am very pleased that you are having a good laugh. It is needed these days.