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Monday, June 6, 2011

The Germans were thieves on a grand scale


The Germans of centuries ago – like most Europeans – were thieves on a grand scale and brought home vast boatloads of statuary and the like from Greece, Egypt and those countries which were the cradles of civilization.

I am discounting the Australian Aborigines who – while they started more than 40,000 years ago, were not in the business of carting large blocks of stone about the place. For starters it’s too bloody hot – and who is going to live in a stone house and move it every three months when you go Walkabout?

Also they would have had to use Uluru and that would have made a fine old mess of the tourist industry in the 20th century.  They made much better use of their time – dressing up, singing and dancing  and making Boomerangs. A weapon that if is misses its prey comes back to you – how clever is that?  

I am telling you – it is too bloody hot to chase anything in Australia – that’s why the blokes just sit there drinking a cold beer and wait for the girls to come along.
 
I find it vaguely unsatisfying that almost every figure is missing a foot, an arm, a hand or even worse – a head. I find it even more unsatisfying that virtually every bust is missing an ear or a nose.

Now no grave robber is going to take an ear or a nose so the bloody things must have been there somewhere, I think this shows a lack of attention to detail. The archaeologists should have looked harder.  We now have thousands of busts that make their owners look like ancient boxers – men and women – with mashed noses and cauliflower ears.

Of course many of the men’s penises are missing but that’s often because religious nutters through the various ages of religious nutterdom decided that these were too scary to be seen so lopped them off. I am expecting this to start happening again in America soon.

We saw Nefertiti. The bust is 3,300 years old. She was a bit of a stunner but even she had ears that look like have been chewed by Sissi.
We are all very luck that Hitler was so bat shit crazy that he did not think of destroying all the stuff that was stored safely in tunnels in Germany and other places. He could easily have done this and it would have been lost forever.

Fortunately at a fairly early stage Adolf took complete control of the conduct of the war so shortened it by at least two years and in the process gave himself little time for anything else except dealing full time with the Fuckup Fairy and taking increasingly large amounts of drugs. 

I have had some anxious emails from people worried that Sarah Palin is going to run for President. Relax. She is not running. This is a just a Sarah Palin Brand Promo trip to increase her value to Fox and the Republican party and to enable her to sell more books.

6 comments:

esbboston said...

When I was young and poor I was a kleptomaniac, but mainly to support my cigarette habit. But I stopped stealing suddenly when I realized that I didn't want to be known as a thief at around age 16 but I didn't stop smoking suddenly until age 20, due to a nice case of pneumonia. I don't think I have any thing left from my "criminal career", so I was probably not a thief on a grand scale.

Glen said...

that Mo of Adolf's didn't groom itself you know - how else could he afford to pay his barber than without stealing all that art?

Badger said...

esbboston: You would have been no good as an Archaeologist.

Glen: But is was so small - did he really need that much?

Laura said...

Hi Badger,

Nice post. I was thinking about how sofisticated are Boomerangs. After all, a weapon that if it misses its prey comes back to you seems to be smarter than a row. On the other hand, a row that comes back would be such a bad idea.. ;)

Enjoy Berlin. Best wishes

esbboston said...

Thanks! (giggle)

Anna W said...

If Sarah Palin became president, I think I'd have to move. Maybe to Canada...