Today I was humiliated

Many years ago we bought an Italian designed kitchen implement rack designed to dangle 8 new fangled kitchen implements. Each a work of art. It may have been Alessi. There were spaghetti wranglers,  fish basters, cheese gritters, noodle blasters and all sorts of things and we have probably never used them for what they were supposed to be used for  but the implements in general have been very useful and have been adapted for a wide range of purposes – including paint stirring.

The implement holder on the other hand was completely useless. It was designed so that each implement would stay put only if it was delicately balanced on the end of the hook – and this took some doing and required the dexterity of a brain surgeon. The sneeze of a mouse would dislodge it.

I have attached a photo showing what I am talking about. Except this rack has proper hooks. Not itty bitty shitty hooks like my Italian designed piece of crap.

One tremble brought the whole lot crashing down in a cacophony of jangling Italian metal.

 

My piece of crap was a triumph of design over functionality. On many occasions I wanted to toss this whole lot of Italian metal to the shithouse and I finally did my lolly on Wednesday after the latest cacophony  and said right I have had enough of you I am going to fix you once and for all. So I dismantled the assembly and tried to fix the angles of the hooks but the little blighters are made out of stainless steel and I could not budge them a millimeter.

Typical – you make a piece of shit – and you make it so it will last for 2,000,000 years.

But in the process of bending under the kitchen cupboards to unscrew the assembly I twisted my back and pulled a muscle and damn near crippled myself. See I have reached that age where it does not take much to throw things out of kilter and I did that in spades.  Where is that bloody masseuse?

So on Friday it was time to end the misery of the dying plants on the Terrace and I garroted them before dawn while they were sleeping. I am not a cruel man and do not like to see things suffer.

I went to Dehner and collared a sales assistant and told him to take me to his toughest plants. He grabbed a whip and a chair and took me to a cage out the back and I now have two mothers that are guaranteed to survive the harshest Austrian summers and winters - although I do have to wrap their roots up in winter – but I can do that. Hell they can sleep in the bedroom with us if that is what I it takes.

But the worst part of the whole thing was that I had to get some bags of potting mix and you know what these things are like. They are big bags – like 60 liters – and they are floppy and difficult to move because they sag -  I imagine it is like moving a dead body – or even a live comatose body.

And I still have trouble with my 5 broken ribs and now I have this problem with the pulled muscles in my back so I am struggling with this sack of potting mix trying not to damage anything and trying  to put it on my trolley and this young guy – like 50 years old – bounds up and says – here let me help you and scoops it up and  dumps it on my trolley and says is there anything else I can do for you.

And I say ‘Nein – Danke’

I am like a little old man because I was stupid when I went dog sledding with a camera in Lapland and I am still suffering 6 months later. But I am getting better. In another few months I will be fine. I am not letting any more 50 year old men humiliate me.