Friday, February 25, 2011

Were there any left over?


Well I am indebted to William for bringing this to my attention.

As reported in the Daily Telegraph a few days ago a fabulous ‘sea monster’ was sighted at Lake Windermere in Cumbria.

“The photograph, which shows an object with three humps breaching the surface of the lake, is said to be the best evidence yet of what some claim is a monster lurking beneath the depths.

It was taken on a camera phone by Tom Pickles, 24, while kayaking on the lake as part of a team building exercise with his IT company last Friday”.

Mr. Pickles said he saw an animal the size of three cars speed past him on the lake and watched it for about 20 seconds.”

Let us leave aside for the moment the fact that it has four humps and that  Tom Pickles must have the the shittiest camera phone in the known world – or took the picture through a gunny sack - and the slowest if he can get off only one shot in 20 seconds. 

Let us also leave aside the fact that a number of correspondents to the Daily Telegraph have churlishly said that the picture is identical to another one taken in 1996.

Let us just say for the sake of argument that there is a fabulous sea monster.

Well – just to be sure I immediately sent my Cumbrian correspondent to lay this myth to rest. The Bird Man of Cumbria set sail in his Kayak and is scouring  Windermere from end to end. He will report any trace of sea monsters - or indeed of rubber tires tied together in attempt to simulate a sea monster.

His report is here

One just has to admire George Clooney for his honesty.  In an interview for Newsweek he said

"I didn't live my life the right way for politics, you know,"
"I f**ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that's the truth,"
I have sent him an email asking him – from a fairly lofty George Clooney perspective – how many chicks is too many – and were there any left over -  just as a matter of academic interest of course. 


  1. I think the "20 seconds" argument is not fair! If I was out on a lake in a small boat and a monster the size of three cars went speeding past me, I would be scared stiff! To have the presence of mind to locate the camera about one's person(presumably protected in some waterproof wrapping) and get organised to take a picture in 20 secs. is actually quite an accomplishment!

  2. Yes - but he clearly did NOT take it out of the waterproof wrapping. And YOU would not be scared. You would pursue it with some vigor as a source of a famous Maalie fish pie.

  3. I'm surprised no one over here has started Monster(s) of The Great Lakes tales/photos.

    Then again, we are already majority shareholders of the Public Craziness Market and this probably isn't a good time to expand.

  4. Oh Thomas, you doubter! How is you fail to believe that something the size of three cars could hide so well for so many years in a fairly small lake?

  5. What about ME George?!? What about meeeeeee?

  6. Jessica: You could do that!

    Wanderlust: Jimmy Hoffa is still hiding.

    Katie: Cate said the same thing.