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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I may have a solution





As you are aware - I have been frantically searching for something for Cate not to do since she stopped not going to the Gym when her membership expired in January. She hadn’t been to the Gym for a year but that is not the point – edginess did not set in until her membership had expired.

Not going to Yoga will work but until my ribs are better I can’t not go with her and she can’t not go on her own. She has started the process of not doing Yoga by buying a Yoga mat. I am more practical and have not yet bought a mat and won’t do so until I definitely decide not to go.

I am a man who accepts my limitations. In any event my ribs seem to be getting worse not better. I may have to put off not going for months yet.   

Anyway I have been under immense pressure lately as when she is looking for something not to do Cate is like a caged Lion and has been prowling the house inspecting things. This is always bad news – for me and for Mrs. Moneypenny the cleaner.

‘When was the last time this was cleaned?’ she asks? ….unhelpfully peering at something that does not really need to be all that clean. Or…..’does Mrs. Moneypenny clean the windows?’

Well of course Mrs. Moneypenny doesn’t clean the windows – she barely has time to do the bare essentials

What with chatting over coffee (she adores my Caruso blend) – and then dealing with life issues - her life is very complicated so there is always a lot to talk about - and problems to work through - and a few urgent phone calls with her friends -  the time just flies. She does work very hard in the very little time she has available - but there is just so little time. 

I have told Cate that if she wants any real cleaning done she will have to pay for an assistant cleaner because Mrs. Moneypenny is fully stretched.

Anyway – one of the other bad things that has happened in recent times is that Cate has managed to get all her staff into place in her far flung empire across the globe – and this for the first time ever since she has been in the job – nearly 3 bloody years.

This means that she is now not as hard pressed as she has been and has recently had some spare time just to think about frivolous things for me to do. Spare me! This is an appalling outcome and has entirely disrupted my otherwise blissful existence.

Things like

‘I am thinking that perhaps that picture is not in the right place – it could be moved a couple of inches to the left!’

(Are you dear? Well why don’t you call Yuri Geller and he can pop around and move it with his spoon – my ribs are a bit dodgy at the moment).

‘Have you noticed that the light in the top corner of the lounge room is not working?’

(Yes I had dear – in fact two years ago – but as the ceiling is 10 meters high and I don’t have a Cherry Picker or a Giraffe there is absolutely nothing I can do about it).

Anyway I have been on a quest to solve the problem of getting something really useful for Cate to do (or indeed not to do) to take the pressure off me.  

I have the perfect solution – and something she has wanted for some time. I will keep her totally absorbed for some hours – or – if I am lucky – days or even months (Bliss!)

But if I get REALLY lucky some of her staff will be kidnapped by Pirates and she will be too busy to worry about what I am doing and what Mrs.  Moneypenny is doing (or indeed not doing) with the dust.


4 comments:

whiskeyforaftershave.com said...

Many people, or so I've heard, replace not going to the gym with not eating tons of chocolate or not drinking lots of wine. Your ribs should be OK for that. Just a suggestion :)

'JallieDaddy'

Maalie said...

Badger, is the supporting image a parody of your rib cage?

lenny said...

I think cate would really like not doing zumba

Badger said...

whiskeyforaftershave:much too sensible.

Maalie: They look better than my ribs feel.

lenny: We would BOTH like not doing the zumba.