I am being stalked by a Hamburger

This is the culprit!

I read a story in the International Herald Tribune a few weeks ago about a woman who was being stalked by advertisements for weight loss. 

She had done a search some time ago for weight loss information and ever since then she was followed everywhere she went on the Internet by weight loss advertisements and diet information. 

These apparently made her so uncomfortable that she was no longer able to use the Internet without feeling flabby. This made her so unhappy she ate until she was flabby. Then she was reminded how flabby she was by the advertisements.  

I did not pay much attention to his because I assumed that is how it works if you are an active user of the Internet and social networking sites. Your IP address leaves an indelible trail on the Internet and once you show an interest in something you are marked and targeted forever. 

I knew Google targeted me because the little ads on my screen are aimed squarely at me. One I get all the time is ‘Is Jesus God?’ I  have never clicked to find out – but one day I will have a look to see if Jesus is God. I suspect not - but as you know I am always keen to expand my knowledge of things religious.

This type of tracking has always been the case with Amazon - but those cunning devils out there in Google land and elsewhere are developing more and more sophisticated software that can track you like a Bloodhound no matter where you are.   Google knows what you search for search for and will target you with advertisements which reflect your interest.

I realized to my great horror about a week ago that I was being stalked by a Hamburger. Everywhere I go it goes. Sydney Morning Herald, New York Times, CNN – doesn’t matter. The damn Hamburger is always with me. I just cannot imagine why I became a Hamburger target. I look for a lot of things on line but have never felt compelled to look for Hamburgers.

This is a very sinister development and does not augur well for future Internet use. As far as I know there is no way of stopping this sort of stuff – which is only going to get a lot worse. That Hamburger could be with me for the rest of my life.

The only effective way to overcome the problem is to do what I do when I have to use US and UK sites where I theoretically need to be a resident. I have a VPN that enables me to use servers in most countries - so I can just plug into a UK and USA server and the Hamburger can’t find me.

Imagine its horror when it knows I am online but it can’t find me. Frantically scuttling around all over Austria shouting 'where is he?'

When he gets back to the server his boss asks ‘How did you go with the Badger today?’

‘I lost him Boss. He knew he was being followed and gave me the slip’.

But I know that it is only a matter of time before all servers everywhere talk to each other and I will not able to escape for the Hamburger. One day I will open the front door there it will be. A Beefburger with lettuce hanging over the sides and probably a bloody pickle that I always have to pick out and throw away.

Spare me.