I have tough teeth

Cate is able to sneak away a bit earlier than planned so we are able to get out of Manila on Thursday night. The catch is that there is only a gap of 70 Minutes between the time we land in Bangkok and the time our flight leaves for Vienna.

I have been imagining all kinds of scenarios – none of them with happy endings – but we will do our best.

I have checked in online and – as usual – we were not seated together. I have been able to fix the flight to Bangkok but on the flight to Vienna we were on opposite sides of the aircraft and the best I can do is to get one row in front of Cate. However, I will give the H1N1 Virus ploy another go and should be able to get someone to move.

There is split second timing required for our departure. A hotel car will pick up Cate at her office at 4.30 and she will come back here where I will be waiting ready to go and with the bags packed. She will change clothes and then spend 20 minutes looking for something that she desperately needs on the flight. She won't know where this is so we will need to empty all the bags onto the floor.

We will then both have panic attacks and hyperventilate while attempting to shout hoarsely at each other at the same time stuffing all our belongings back into bags way too small for the purpose. (On reflection and with the benefit of hindsight I am sure we did not need to bring the Toaster and the Treadmill).

This is why am not too bothered about packing now and am just sort of stuffing it in anywhere. Why Cate has left some of the packing to me I just don't know. It is clearly the triumph of hope over experience as I have form in this area of activity and a distinct lack of common sense and reliability.

Last night Cate accused me of using her toothbrush and said she knew this was so because I brushed my teeth hard and left the brush shaggy. I told her I had tough teeth that needed a solid workout and it was not my fault if her teeth were pussies.

A Dentist to whom I went when I couldn't see Craig asked me what my aspirations were for my teeth. (Yes this is what he asked me). I said that I would like them all to go to university and have satisfying lives. I hoped that at least one Bicuspid might do Dentistry to give something back.

I mention this only because the airlines give you tiny toothbrushes in their little travel bag thingies and these brushes are clearly not for tough teeth. In fact mine laugh out loud when they see these pathetic specimen of brushdom. I do my best but they can hardly wait to get somewhere I can give them a good pummelling with Cate's brush.

I have just come back from a swim and a lie in the sun – having decided against the Banana leaf wrapping and Hayahay with Jade on the basis of the enormous number of Woggles involved.

I am contemplating the bag of dirty clothes – which by now is the largest component of our baggage.

I have a basic knowledge of physics and know that if we took them out of Austria clean we should be able to take them home dirty – I just can't see how at the moment but still have a few hours before zipper time.

There was a very large lady beside the pool and I have my eye on her to sit on the bags while I zip them up. I hesitate to ask her because she may take it the wrong way and sit on me instead.

Cate and I both have this fear that a bag will burst in transit and appear on the baggage belt as a very large collection of crumpled clothes, dirty underwear, odds, sods and paraphernalia collected from all over the globe.

In these circumstances we would take the only possible course of action and leave the whole lot to its fate in Vienna Unclaimed Luggage.