The Sushi Rolls smell funny when you burn them

I was lying in bed early on Friday morning quietly contemplating the way forward when Bill came into the room and pissed on my jeans – which were lying next to the bed. This could have been an expression of displeasure at not being allowed into the bedroom at night – or it could have been a statement about my lack of fashion sense. I know Calvin Klein is not as cool as it once was – but pissing on them seems to be an over reaction. What would he have done to Hugo Boss?

We visited Martinellis in Freyung on Friday night and it was the most astonishingly expensive meal we have had – and on the value for money scale rated about 4/10. The food was not very good and there was not much of it – but the wine was OK and I had my first glass of Prosecco. I will be drinking more of this and will visit Wein and Co this week.

We wandered around the Innere Stadt and looked at the very many sights and lights. Wien is indeed very beautiful at this time of the year and the Christmas lights are spectacular - and an amazing sight for someone from the Southern Hemisphere. It has been our wish for a long time to be in a European city at Christmas – and here we are.

No one is more surprised than us about what has happened and we have to pinch ourselves to make sure we are not dreaming. When we go home to our apartment in the sky and look over at the city we never cease to be amazed at the wonder of it all.

We are on a quest to try as many restaurants as we can so that we can build a list of good food, good value restaurants where there are smoke free sections. There are in fact, surprisingly enough, some cafés and restaurants in Wien that are entirely smoke free. Café Griensteidl in Michaelerplatz is one that is smoke free and where the cakes are big.

I always forget to say ‘no cream’ and end up with a Cappuccino with an enormous dollop of cream – which is the typical way of serving coffee in Wien. Cate watches me carefully and has the paddles ready in case I have a heart attack during one of these episodes.

We have acquired a grate for the fire and now logs do not drop out and make the cats jump six feet into the air. It seems to work quite well and there have been no major disasters. We always make sure the fire is nearly dead before we go to bed as I hate to think what the penalty is in Wien for burning down apartment blocks. It is a good flogging and a week in the stocks for losing a house key so it is probably death by hanging for such a heinous crime as turning Wieners out of their beds on a winter night.

Cate is preparing for her trip to Korea and has packed a camping survival kit in case she is trapped in her room - together with a rope so that she abseil down the side of the building in case she needs to escape in a hurry.

We have substitutes for the compressed sawdust. These are also compressed sawdust but burn for a lot longer and (Cate says) smell funny. They are brown and she calls them Sushi Rolls. I have acquired 20 packets and have dragged them up to the apartment in my granny shopping basket with wheels. This is not as easy as it sounds as there are many steps to negotiate. I am trying to think of a way I could look more stupid but haven’t been able to do so. Suggestions are welcome.