You touch your Willy and I will beat you do death with my club and then fill you full of lead!
Turns out the Christine is madder a bit crazier than I thought she was - but not too crazy for the Tea Party or US Senate.
Christine’s beliefs include:
She opposes abortion, including in cases of rape and incest.
She has condemned research declaring that "American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains”.
(I am not making this up!)
She is a gun supporter and the NRA has endorsed her she "will be a strong voice in fighting ongoing efforts by anti-gun politicians to dismantle the Second Amendment.
She is opposed to the Health Care reforms and has pledged to legislatively remove federal funding from the law.
She has said that she will never vote to increase taxes.
She has advocated the teaching of creationism in public schools and argued for a literal interpretation of the Bible’s Book of Genesis.
She has rejected Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution asserting that it "had not met scientific criteria" and that "when you get down to the hard evidence, it's merely a theory.
But we shouldn’t be too hard on her - after all President Bush said that ‘the jury was out on evolution’.
It’s quite possible that after November Christine will be a Senator and will have for company a number of people who share her beliefs, prejudices and bat-brained ideas.
I lie awake contemplating the damage these people will be able to do to America and to civilization as a whole.
I don’t know about you - but it scares the shit out of me.
But on a lighter note - apropos Christine’s campaign against masturbation - Borowitz is brilliant as usual.