Cycling in Italy with three chicks

My traveling companions. They could only afford one bike so two had to run alongside while one cycled. 

Well we all thought we would lose weight on this trip. I mean - cycling at least 50 kilometers in the hot sun every day for 8 days - who would not lose weight?

Well - the people who would not lose weight would be the ones who found the best (and sometimes the only visible) Trattoria every day in a tiny town on the route and spent about two hours there for lunch - every day they were on the road.

Was necessary to eat quite so much? Apparently it was - and we certainly had a Bonzer time.

We found some truly wonderful places but there is not much point in telling you where they are because the chances of your visiting some of these towns is a bit remote unless you are on a cycling tour. 

But - generally speaking- the food was sensational and we had not one bad meal. 

There were other people on the tour - 11 in fact. Two Australians, two Swedes, two very serious Germans, two Quebecois, two boring as bat shit  vegetarian English and one Italian named Leonardo who was certainly not less than 75 years old and could have been a lot older. 

The English shuddered a lot whenever they saw meat or fish. The Germans hated the French who they say all smelled bad - but we all got along reasonably well.

The Australians were a man and a woman who were - so the man said - traveling together merely as companions and indeed they had separate cabins.

Let’s call them Bert and Mabel.  

Bert had lost his wife to cancer two years ago and was happy to be on his own. Mabel was a member of the same cycling club as Bert and they had agreed to travel together on an overseas adventure.

Bert apparently discovered with some degree of surprise and horror on the first night that Mabel was expecting a bit more than just companionship and he fended her off. This caused some degree of tension on the boat as Mabel smoldered silently. 

The German couple - let’s call them Helmut and Helga - had been married for almost 25 years but I am not convinced that they were actually going to make the 25th Anniversary.

Helmut developed an interest in Llama (most men do) and this caused a degree of consternation with Helga. Helmut and Llama are both exceedingly fit so would often go like the clappers and sometimes do extra side trips. Helga was not so fit and more than a bit plump so would be pedaling furiously and  panting and puffing as she tried to keep Helmut and Llama in sight. 

She would not have worried had she known that - while Llama is a committed Bonker - she would never Bonk a married man. 

The Swedes were both women of a certain age - both very overweight - and both adorable. Their husbands worked on oil rigs and this allowed them to beetle about doing their own stuff.

I enjoyed talking about meat to the English as it made them sweat and go pale. The alternative was to let them talk to me and then I would sweat and go pale.

And - get this - 15 people on the tour - plus Dracula our guide - and not one smoker.

Unfortunately Captain Pugwash smoked cigars but he usually stayed on the bridge (or whatever it is called) barking orders to the very lovely Manuela who as well as being a sensational cook also knows a bit about boats and ropes. 

What a catch she will be for an Italian fisherman.