Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Good on you Jessica!

A teenage girl named Jessica Watson has just returned from what has been billed by her publicity relations people and her many sponsors as a ‘non-stop solo round the world voyage’ (and permutations of that theme).

There are some persnickety people from various yachting bodies who say that she has not met the criteria for a ‘round the world’ voyage because she did not fathom the two horizons or shiver her timbers - or whatever - but there are always curmudgeons whatever you do.

I don’t understand it so will get Annie and Jim and Gwenyth and PK to explain this strange business to you.

No matter - the Australian media launched into a blind frenzy of orgasmic excess with 24 hour coverage of her arrival with suitable boat-cams and heli-cams and mast-cams. The world stood still while a slavering bunch of TV talking heads salivated over this mighty, cataclysmic, earth shattering event.

You ain’t seen nothing yet. Talk shows, TV appearances, red carpet appearances, books, documentaries - perhaps a mini-series. Fat balding men will interview her and slobber over her as they fantasize about sailing around the world with a teenager as soon as they can spilt with the barracuda who currently inhabits their universe and makes their life a misery.

Not to mention the tornado of advertisements from 25 old sponsors and 6,000 new ones that will bombard everyone on TV radio and in the media. And by now she will have 100,000 followers on Twitter and she can breathlessly recount the dark and stormy nights she spent alone in the vast untamed ocean (140 letters at a time - it will take a while).

Day 64: Woke early and scuppered the larks to grease the gnoodles. Trimmed the mainsail and had vegemite toast for brekkie. Cold and wet and

Day 65: pissing with rain. Had to scupper the larks again. Cold and wet. This is change from hot and wet. Vegemite toast for lunch and

Then she will have a boyfriend or two - with the inevitable tragic breakups to be splashed on the front of the gossip rags.She will get married and have babies. She might start a rock band or (shudder) write poetry. I can see the headlines now “Exclusive - Jessica’s new baby.”

Good luck to her I say. To get your dose of fame in this crowded world you need a unique selling point and she has done that through a hard slog and much lark scuppering. We should all be very proud of her achievements.

Meanwhile - while we all know politicians lie. But the leader of the opposition has actually come out and admitted it.

Shock! Horror! Gasp! Has Big Ears committed himself to political oblivion?

As reported in the Sydney Morning Herald:

“Abbott cultivated his image by cleverly managing to direct the focus away from the many policy positions he has had on climate change, for example, or his broken "no new taxes" pledge, and to concentrate on the government's track record.

Abbott's performance on the 7.30 Report last night makes a mockery of that straight talking claim. By his own admission, Abbott urges people to treat with caution anything he says during the so-called heat of discussion.

The only utterances that can be taken as gospel truth were carefully prepared and scripted remarks such as those made during speeches or policy announcements.

If you believe anything else he says, then you are taking a punt.

The heat of discussion includes radio interviews, press conferences and, surely the most heated forum of all, the Parliament. These various forums comprise the great bulk of public comment by politicians. Abbott, like the rest, now prefers talkback radio as the medium to get his message across.”

Can he dig himself out of this awful mess by saying that when he said that he lies he actually misspoke and that the truth is that he never lies and the only occasion on which he has ever done so was when he lied about lying - which he never does?

This of course has cause an enormous tizz - not quite as big as Jessica’s arrival in Sydney Harbour mind you - but not bad at all.

But does anyone else think that it is a bit strange that a politician should be pilloried for admitting that he does what all politicians do - lie relentlessly - because that is the nature of the job?

If I was Tony I would just splice the mainbrace - or pray or whatever he does - and get on with it. Surely there must be some unmarried mothers - or lesbians - that he can pray over and bother the shit out of.


  1. OK... but what exactly are you trying to say about Jessica, Abbott and company ? Are you for, or against, or somewhere in between... like your Sausage Man ?

  2. I love Jessica - she is brave and fabulous. Tony is a nitwit.

  3. Do you wonder whether at 16 she was really able to give informed consent to the extensive media and celebrity consequences of her achievement? Do you wonder if it was fair to keep her out there for 2 days waiting for the advertised event of her arrival? Perhaps she dropped anchor somewhere and had a little kip. She certainly looked rested.