Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sometimes they just got hammered

Barry and Kevin, Maria Island, Tasmania.

Cate says yesterday’s Blog was the most boring she has ever read. Crikey – there is some stiff competition for that title.

It is not always possible to be creative on demand you know. Hemingway and Steinbeck didn’t write every day. Some days they just went fishing – or got hammered – or both.

My apologies to retired Labor Party members who have assured me that most of the thugs are still in Parliament.

Next Monday we were planning on going to Großglockner – Austria’s highest mountain. It appears our hopes and dreams have been shattered by the news on Monday.

“Mountain roads were closed and drivers told to use chains as Austria saw the first snow of the season last night.

Austrian car club ÖAMTC reported today the Großglockner high-Alpine highway had a 10 centimetre covering of snow this morning and the highway linking Heiligenblut, Carinthia and Fusch, Salzburg was passable only by vehicles with chains”

As Billy has not had his winter tires fitted (and I have no desire to actually drive on heavy snow unless I am in a Panzer) we will have to give the mountain a miss – but will wave at the white bits as we pass by.

We might stop and watch the first skiers of the season committing Hara Kiri by crashing into trees, poles, snow ploughs, deer, Marmeltiere, each other etc.
There are lots of other things to see including the Bone House at Hallstatt.


Also the Salt Mines and scenery the likes of which (being from a wide brown land) we have not seen before in detail.

Sure I have been to many places, including the French and Swiss Alps - and Dapto - but have never seen anything as beautiful as some of the parts of Austria we have visited.

I am really sorry to keep banging on about this but have I missed something? Is there perhaps a new game show on Austrian TV that encourages people to find inventive ways to maim or kill themselves – or each other?

There is simply no stopping them here. Deaths and injuries this week include a number so bizarre that they boggle the mind. I will not give details (to avoid causing offence or trauma) – merely key words:

Speeding Locomotive
Cleaning Fluid
Gravestone (200 kg)
Toilet Candle (scented)
Tree Chain
Liquid Manure

From the Austrian Times

“A 20-year-old Styrian was slapped with a 50 Euros fine when he farted as he talked to cops.

Red-faced officers booked Hansi Sporer for breaching safety and security laws when people started laughing when they heard him break wind as he chatted to officers at a rock music festival in his hometown.”

Safety and security laws? This must have been a sensational effort! I wouldn’t be surprised if Al Qaeda enquire about a transfer fee.

For the record, Hansi received a letter advising him of the fine of €50 – which he paid.

Clearly there is not much crime in Styria and the Polizei need to do something. To get to Hansi they would of course had to wade through mountains, and I mean mountains, of cigarette butts and dog poo.

Annie has sent me some Haiku written by cats. Here is a sample:

Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.

And for some light relief next week if I am not Blogging



  1. Safety and security laws? I'll counter Cate's critique of yesterday's post by saying that that's the funniest story you've ever told!

  2. High praise indeed. I have nowhere to go from here.

  3. the bone house is freaking scary. i wishi didn't click on the link. i will have nightmares about that for weeks.