Corpses in Aspic

Many thanks to those who sent Birthday Greetings.

I went to Naschmarkt today to buy Voodoo dolls and pins for those of you who didn’t. If you feel sharp pains in your miserable little bodies you will know who is causing it.

Melissa is on her way back to Paris and to Merlin and Henri. She will be coming to Wien again early in June when Cate goes on her next major trip and tries to do three countries in 6 days.

Rozalin organised a Knees Up at Szigeti’s (http://www.szigeti.at/home.htm) in Schleifmuhlgasse - with her friend Lorelei. This started at 4:00 when we met near Naschmarkt to buy meat, cheese, bread and olives - and was supposed to go for an hour or so as the place usually closes early.

Well this night it didn’t so we got home rather late after sampling a number of bottles of Sekt – which is delightful – and not expensive at all by Wien standards. The Gruner Veltliner was the favourite.

Melissa and I went to see the Crypt in Michaeler Kirche in the Innere Stadt but failed once again to get the timing right. We finally established that when the sign says that Crypt Open 11.00 -1.30 it means not from 11.00 to 1.30 but that tours take place at those times.

So it is on our list for June and we are looking forward to it because there are apparently some decayed corpses which can be viewed and these will make Melissa’s day. I suppose and hope that they are under glass or in aspic.

Melissa and I went to the Central Cemetery (Zentralfriedhof) in Simmering. It is a very interesting place – and the old parts are very Gothic. It was raining so we did not see any cats (or bees) but will go there again when it is sunny. I have some pics which I will post soon.

Café Schwarzenburg – a beautiful old café on the Ring - is one of the few places which has gone entirely smoke free indoors so not only is it very pleasant to be in – it is also usually deserted inside. Outside of course outside it is packed to the gunwales.

Melissa and I went their twice and we will continue to patronise it until they change back to smoking. http://www.cafe-schwarzenberg.at/en/index.html

The new Cat Minders just called to introduce themselves. Gunter is the owner of the business and Gretchen is the minder who will call to look after Muffin.

Gretchen appears to be entirely suitable – if very young – so I have entrusted her with Muffin’s safety for the Krakow weekend.

If have asked Gretchen if she is allowed to travel on the U-Bahn without an adult and she has assured me that she can – and she carries a note from her mother. I have put a milk crate it the lobby so she can stand on this to get the key in the door.

The Krakow extravaganza commences on Thursday which is a Feiertag in Austria. We plan on starting early for the drive to Krakow – and for us means that we will try to stagger out of the apartment by 11.00.

Special Birthday Edition

They are showing the Giro d’Italia on Eurosport here and yesterday it came to Austria and finished in Mayrhofen.

This was the closest I have ever been to a big bike race so you can imagine how excited Muffin and I were when we were watching it live.

The coverage is provided by English Eurosport so the commentary is in English – well part of it anyway – the second commentator is Sean Kelly who is Irish – and - while being the winner years ago in the Vuelta a España – and no doubt being very knowledgeable – is incomprehensible.

His accent is bad enough but he also apparently puts a golf ball in his mouth a gunny sack over his head before speaking – and drones on and on.

There is this droning noise which reminds me of a blow fly buzzing around the kitchen in my old home in Deniliquin.

Anyway – for some weird reason in the subtitles showing the time gaps they do not use the commonly accepted terms to describe the race. So instead of the ‘Peloton’ we have ‘The Bunch’. There can be a ‘Leading Bunch’, a ‘Second Bunch’ and the ‘Main Bunch’.

It has a certain lack of sophistication.

For those of you who need to know - Aussie Michael Rogers is in third place after the second day in the mountains.

It was too wet to ride yesterday so I made a couple of panels for my Koala quilt. This is coming along nicely and I hope to be able to exhibit it at the Royal Easter Show when we get back.

We ordered some lamps from Hitzinger and Hitzinger and these have arrived so I will enlist Melissa’s help to collect them. This is another of these places that takes only cash so it requires a visit to the bank first.

If I remember correctly one of the lamps is a figure of a person bending over and trying to stick his/her head up his/her bottom (I don’t know whether it’s a boy or a girl). I am looking forward to seeing it again to see if we made a wise choice.

Cate discovered that when I fell down the stairs I mangled one of our lamps. Not during the fall mind you but when I was staggering around after the fall trying to reattach my ear with the stapler I splashed some blood on a two metre high lamp that lurks in the corner of the room.

When I was trying to clean the blood off I managed to slip and fall on top of the lamp. (No I don’t know how I manage to do these things).

This did it no good at all so I had to try and straighten it out and then turn it around so that damage was not glaringly obvious.

Cate discovered my clumsy panel beating job – and took it very well considering - so we had to go and buy a new lamp and while we were there I saw the head up the bottom lamp and Cate saw a giant aluminum cocoon which may have been used as a prop in Alien 3. Of course she just had to have it.

This one is very large hence my need for Melissa’s help.

For my birthday Cate brought me home some Thai Airways socks and a sleep mask – together with a croissant that she saved for me from her breakfast.

Of course you can’t buy birthday cards on planes but she wrote a very nice message for me on the back of her Boarding Pass.

Tomorrow if it is sunny we will go looking for cats in cemeteries in Wien.

Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

The pic is one of Ben in Bangkok. The hotel staff prop him up on Cate's vast bed with an orchid under his arm.

I am posting early on account of its my Birthday tomorrow and I need to celebrate by riding to Bregenz and back. This will take a while.

There was apparently some consternation that the drop in readership would cause me to stop writing the Blog. This is not the case and as long as at least one demented reader remains I will Blog.

Merisi may have to increase her visits to 10 a day to keep my spirits up.

I am collecting Melissa from the airport tonight and we will probably go nightclubbing – or maybe just go home and have a glass of Mineralwasser mit Gaz.

Up until last night I thought that OAP was an acronym for an Austrian political party as it appears often in the newspaper. On closer reading I found that it is an acronym for Old Age Person (or Pensioner).

Just as elsewhere, in Austria you are classified by what you are rather than what you have done. If you are old you cannot just be found on a bathroom floor or run over by a tram you are an ‘OAP found on bathroom floor’ or ‘OAP run over by tram’.

I bet you have never seen ‘short fat lady with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’. It would be ‘woman eaten by lion’ unless she was retired – when it would be ‘OAP with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’

Another weird example from the Austrian Times yesterday is:

“Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

A serial sex shop vandal has been revealed as a Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver.Cops arrested Zoltan L. last week for more than 80 attacks on sex shops in which he blocked door locks with super glue, poured acid on shop windows and plastered them with newspapers, leaving damages of around 180,000 Euros.But they said today (Mon) that the 38-year-old was a converted Muslim "who looked like a Taliban" with a long beard. He admitted religious reasons had been behind the vandalism spree.Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital. Tourists line up in the city centre and at the Schönbrunn park for a ride.”

Zoltan L?

Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver?

Looked like a Taliban?

Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital?

Who writes this stuff. How would he have been described him if he was Muslim Sales Assistant at Billa? Would they have explained what Billa was and what a sales assistant does?

“Billa is a chain of stores which sells food and household items. These are placed strategically around the city so that people can buy food and stuff. They sell things like potatoes and milk. You should eat things like this if you don’t want to die.”

I leave you with

“Lower Austrian bison farmer Hannes Bohinc beat off stiff competition to win the Powerboat Grand Prix of the Sea off Malta yesterday”.

Bison farmer? Power Boat Grand Prix? Sea off Malta?

Who is looking after the Bison while he is flambling round in the Sea off Malta?