Monday, December 19, 2016

The gifts that will go on giving

We have had some snow. Nothing of Viennese proportions but enough to cover the ground to the depth of and inch or two. This has since sort of gone away but we have some hard icy stuff all over the place now and in is very slippery. 

This was apparent on Saturday when many Hoosiers drove on the roads as though they were as shitty as they usually are - but dry. Well in fact they were shitty and slippery and many hundreds of cars went into ditches and each other and there was a spectacular crash on the I something or other that involved hundreds of cars and trucks.  Maybe not that many but you know what I mean.

At some stage the state government is probably going to have to spend some money on roads instead of using it to persecute gays and poor people - but then they are Republicans so they have their priorities and for them there is nothing more important than gay bashing and stopping women from having abortions. And sex. Why are they obsessed with sex?

Anyway - as for the ice conditions - I am quite capable - as I have demonstrated previously - of falling down the steps even without snow so I am being very cautious. 

Gwenyth and PK arrive on Wednesday. PK has had an operation on his eye so is a bit wobbly.  He apparently snoozes a lot so he should fit in well here with the dogs and the cats. 

Tomorrow I am buying him an extra special bottle of Jameson so that we can sit around and discuss our operations - even though my brain operation was years ago I am never reluctant to talk about it. 

I love it when I say to people that the doctors told Cate that I was not going to make it and that she should assemble the family to bid me farewell. This alway elicits a few gasps of awe in which I can bask. ‘Oh it must have been so terrible for Cate!’

Well it wasn’t to chuffy for me either. 

Although I will get no sympathy from PK. He is an ocean sailor and has many harrowing stories to tell - which I can only listen to if I am sitting next to a bucket and have some wet wipes at hand. 

There is an amazing amount of stuff to be cleaned when we have visitors and Cate adds to the list daily. Today I was told that I had to get the hard water stains off the drink glasses. 

I am not sure why the water is so hard here. Perhaps because of it being a red state - or maybe Mike Pence sneaks in at night and pisses on our glasses - but I had to watch YouTube to find a solution - which I was unable to do. 

I worked it out for myself and used rinse aid. The glasses are now so clean you could …well…drink out of them. 

It is that time of year when Cate digs through obscure recipe books and finds things that perhaps were never cooked - at least since the 1900’s. My task today was to find pomegranate molasses and golden caster sugar. 

Give me a break.

In years past I would have prowled around Whole Foods and Trader Joes and Fresh Thyme searching vainly for this stuff but I am older and wiser. Amazon. They will be here on Thursday. 

It has been an exciting week so far. 

Georgia ate a corn cob. This is not the first time she has done that but this time it got stuck and she became quite unwell. So it was vet time for $700 and they referred us to another vet who charged another $1,000 but the is OK now and that is all that matters.

Then the furnace had a problem and that cost $1,700.

Then today the downstairs toilet started leaking and that was $400 because of course it had to be dismantled and reassembled. ‘Oh there is a problem here!’ 

Of course there is - this house is older then Methuselah. Just get on with it. 

The plumber said that he had been here before. I said I am sure he had because we have seven toilets and at any given stage one of them is going to have a problem. 

Our Christmas tree was delivered and has been appropriately festooned with lights. It actually looks quite nice. 

As an atheist I actually have no problem with Christmas. It is a tradition - adapted from pagan rituals thousand of years old. But I am happy to participate because I like the tradition. I always say ‘Merry Christmas’. I am not into this happy holidays rubbish.

It’s Christmas for Christ’s sake. 

Cate wanted me to put lights on the trees in the back garden - so I did. She said why do the lights go only half way up the tree and I said that they go as far as I can reach without being on a ladder and as you wont allow me to get on ladders that is the best I can do. 

She is considering rectifying this situation but it is too damn cold. 

I continue to watch the antics of the president-elect with great interest - and glee. I am laying in supplies of popcorn and coca cola because the next few years are going to be really special. So many episodes - and I bet there will be a surprise ending.

Because we are Australians we are really lucky that there is nothing that the orange-utan can do that will affect us. Except of course for a nuclear war. I admit that could be a problem. 

Although Indianapolis is probably a fair way down the list of targets by Russia and the many other countries that want to exterminate America. 

Ah George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld. The gifts that will go on giving for the next 100 years.

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