I would like to tell you that I have not blogged because I have spent every spare moment studying German - but of course this is not the case.
After two hours of German my brain goes a bit mushy and I have to repair to the TV to watch something less taxing - like cricket or golf or ski jumping – and in the latter case I am pleased to report that the Austrians are world champions.
But – and I have complained about this before – I am astonished by the UK advertisers fascination with animals. Almost every second advertisement has a person communicating in some way with an imaginary animal or creature.
And they interact with them quite normally. They discuss insurance and mobile phones. Now I always watch these with the sound muted so maybe they lose something - but to me they seem surreal.
They latest one has a man and a woman sitting at a counter discussing a mobile phone or something and there is the Yoda character from Star Wars who dives in and (I think) tells them about the best plan.
I mean – what would he know about mobile phones – wasn’t he suppose to be telepathic. I mean he can raise himself off his arse through his own thought processes – who would he call?
And the endless fascination with washing powders.
Oh Mummy something horrible happened at school today – Snotty Potter’s mummy washed his shirt with New Omo and he dazzled the shit out of all of us – it was so humiliating.
OMG! I knew this would happen if I kept washing with Grey Sludge – quick I will run to Tesco’s for New Omo while you get all your shirts out. No more humiliation for you young man!
Not to mention the never-ending morbid fascination they have for toilet bowls. I will spare you the details on that one.
But the people who drive me crazy are the ones who won’t stop still while they talk to you (not that I have any idea what they are saying because I am not listening) but you would think that they had been given plenty of notice that they have to do this commercial so would just stop still long enough to do it.
But no – the camera has to chase them down supermarket aisles and around counters and through turnstiles and out into car parks.
Or else they start walking toward the camera and won’t stop and the poor camera man has to backtrack through the supermarket or bank dodging people and prams and trolleys while they bang on about the wallop that they are selling which is no good to me even if I wanted it because it is in a different country.
I would fix them. I would say – take a break for coffee – and then I would glue their shoes to the floor.
See how far you can walk now!
We have had some snow after a fashion in Vienna but it has been a bit spasmodic and sludgy. I have now despondently written winter off and am preparing myself for spring.
Still – there is nothing wrong with spring. It’s an excellent time to learn German – and advertise washing powder and toilet cleaner.