Like a layer of long dead blubber

I read in the IHT on Saturday that Moscow had its hottest July since the city began taking such measurements 130 years ago. Last Thursday was the hottest day ever recorded. The report quotes that ‘more than 2,000 people have died from drowning in June and July, often after they sought relief from the heat while intoxicated’.

More than 2,000? That is a serious number of drowned drunks. Most of the drunks we saw in Moscow were either legless or comatose. How do they get to the water?

I read last week that the first six months of this year globally was the hottest six month period ever recorded. More lies from the ‘Climategate’ scientists. 

Thank goodness there will not be any global warming in Australia under Tony Abbott. He is not going to stand for any of that nonsense. 

America should be OK also as soon as the new Republican President is elected. 

These two countries will be havens, indeed oases, when the rest of the world is burned to a crisp. 

People (Republicans mainly) will sit under palm trees sucking Mint Juleps watching Fox as the reporters explain that sure it is 150 degrees in LA today but that is because those Marxist Democrats have used death rays to make the sun hotter - or we are getting closer to The Rapture  - but until that sublime moment arrives we all need to fry a little - just to imagine what it is like in hell. 

Hey - maybe that is god’s plan. Fry us all slowly. Brilliant idea. 

Well - I gave you a perfectly  good planet and look what you have done to it. I mean- really - Miley Cyrus, MTV, Jersey Shore, Jackass, Big Brother, Dance Your Ass Off, Lindsay Lohan - and stiffen the Lizards - Justin Bieber - spare me! I could go on but you people make me want to vomit. 

I wonder in 20 years time if people will say ‘I wish President Obama had done something about environmental issues instead of burning his buns on health care’. 

I will be able to report first hand from Italy very soon on the state of the weather there. We are expecting hot to very hot. We are hoping for not too bloody hot.

The say on the brochure that the boat is air conditioned. They also say that on three nights the power goes off from 10.30 PM  to 7.30 AM. Hmmm....this must be the time when the Punkah Wallahs arrive in our cabin with palm fronds and gently fan us all night

Although.....Gwenyth has had a close look at the pictures of the boat cabins and says that when two people are in the cabin with their two bags there is not enough room left  for an emaciated Igel. We shall see.

Being divers we are accustomed to tiny cabins so it will not be a burden - particularly when the alternative is to cycle for hours in the scorching sun. 

In fact being divers we are accustomed to all kinds of ghastly and humiliating conditions. Like - for example - pulling on a damp wet suit at the end of a week’s diving. Not only does it smell like a long dead Seal - it clings to your body and has to be dragged on and peeled off like a layer of long dead blubber. 

Cycling will be a doddle compared to this. 

It is my earnest intention to update the Blog while I am traveling. But - it is always my earnest intention to do this and I rarely follow through. But maybe this time it will be different?

I will do my best. Probably from my iPhone. 

Llama the Hottie from Sydney arrives tonight and tomorrow we are on the train to Bolzano. If you wish to come and wave goodbye - give us going away gifts etc - we are leaving from Westbahnhof at 9:44.

Ciao (I have been practicing)

I'm ready!

On Thursday I cycled 50 kilometers and the next day my legs were  just fine. The Doctor says my bum will be allowed out of hospital just in time for the trip.

In fact I think I may have over-trained as I have been pushing too hard and my knees are very sore so I am taking it easy before the green light on Wednesday. This is the 70 kilometer ride. Can’t wait!

Bicycle seats were designed by the Gestapo and there does not seem to be anything you can do about it. I have padded bike shorts but these do not really help much after the first hour or so. 

Gwenyth read in the trip material that there are such things as Gel saddles for bicycles so yesterday we sallied forth to Hervis-Huma at Simmering to see if we could get some of these - and we did. 

I tested mine on a 30 Kilometer ride on Saturday and it makes a marginal difference and is certainly worthwhile having. 

Gwenyth arrived on Saturday and in the evening we went to Novelli which is probably our favorite restaurant in Wien at the moment - and it was  sensational. As good as (gasp) Ein Wiener Salon - BUT - get this - it is now smoke free! 

That is fantastic news. Last night was such a beautiful evening we sat in the courtyard and there were of course smokers there and the smoke gave me as headache - but at least we did have the choice of going inside - which was completely deserted. 

Somewhere in the world at this very moment about 4,000,000 Austrians are creating havoc. 

We practiced our execrable German on the staff and they are always very good about this, never laugh - and indulge us wonderfully. 

Cate and Gwenyth had some Gruner Veltliner from the Wachau Valley and it looked and smelled fabulous. I did not indulge at all as I am trying to narrow down the source of my constant migraines so have cut out almost everything edible and drinkable. 

I have had a lot of allergy tests lately and got the results of the blood tests some weeks ago. The Doctor told me that my results were ‘horrible’ and that I was allergic to almost everything including Latex (Latex?). 

So far I have not been able to find anything that does not have some Latex in it - but I will keep looking, 

So I am cutting out everything I can think of that could cause migraines and working through the process of determining precisely what the problems are - there will be quite a few. I know some already and not longer eat bread or chocolate (sob) or drink wine (sob) - and have tried cutting out lots of other stuff. 

Gwenyth says I should just give up everything except apples for two weeks and then I can start eating other things and see what is OK. Hmmmm...the obvious flaw in this plan is the two week apple diet  - but I will go there if I cannot fix the problem.  

The only thing I have not stopped is coffee. Like Wanderlust - this would be the last straw for me - so I guess in the end if that is what it turns out to be l simply tie my bicycle around my neck and jump into the Donau. 

On Sunday we went to Rust which is a delightful town near Neusiedler See where there are lots of Storks living in nests on top of chimneys. The nests are apparently largely built by the townspeople - leaving the Storks to do the interior decorating. This means that the Storks just hang about and get their pictures taken by tourists. 

I was worried that in winter the Storks would get a bit smoky but Maalie assures me that they fly south so are not bothered by winter fires. 

Still it would be no worse than the average Viennese cafe. 

Miscellaneous Tomfoolery

I find this almost incomprehensible - but hard on the heels of the 16 year old Australia girl who sailed around the world - a 14 year old Dutch girl is about to set out on her very own around the world voyage. 

What comes next? An 8 year old girl plans to sail around the world in a cast iron bathtub - blindfolded and encased in a block of chocolate. Emma said that she hoped to eat her arms free by the time she reached the Cape of Good Hope so that she could download the weather forecasts into her  iPhone. 

The Rolling Stones are contemplating a 50th Anniversary Tour. They will need to wear their woollies because at their age it is easy to catch a chill and just fade away. They should also have a Roadie designated to cut up their meat and mash their peas. Have these guys - in say the last 10 years - seen themselves close up? I am firmly of the belief that any rock musicians this old should be at home in front of the fire with their cats. 

The Kings of Leon fled a stage recently when they were defecated upon by a flock of Pigeons. 

"The band is very sad and upset about it," Kings publicist Ken Weinstein said Saturday. No band would play under those conditions." 

Rubbish. In my day bands would play through cyclones, hails of beer bottles, stage invasions by people with axes, showers of vomit from fans and the odd electrocution of guitarists wired up incorrectly.

Can you just imagine the Sex Pistols being  put off by a bit of Pigeon poo? It would not happen. Mind you they would probably not notice. 

It had to happen. In the first election debate in Australia Tony Abbott suggested that Julia Gillard had a lack of understanding about family issues because she is unmarried and has no children.

Unlike Tony’s boss the Pope who of course who feels well qualified to make decisions which affect the family lives of billions of Catholics. 

The Pentagon is hot on the heels of the dirty spying rat who leaked a whole bunch of embarrassing documents to Wikileaks and will leave no stone unturned in their quest to bring him to justice and a suitable punishment.  

In the process they have managed to avert their gaze from the complete phantasmagorical and catastrophic pile of smoldering dung that is Afghanistan where many nations are sacrificing their soldiers and their wealth so that any number of corrupt officials, warlords and politicians can grow rich and fat before scarpering to the south of France when the inevitable happens and the whole steaming pile of poo implodes and buries the country and everyone it it. 

Barry Hickey, Catholic Archbishop of Perth, declared that Julia Gillard’s Atheism could influence Christian voters not to vote Labor. 

Well - it might if they are nitwits like Barry. Where do they get people like Catholic Archbishops - are there no entry examinations at all?  

I rather think that most Christian voters will vote for the party and policies that appeal to them most. 

Just in case you think nothing ever happens in Austria - here the some stories from the Austrian Independent.

Boy locks himself in mailbox

Driver avoiding rabbit crashes into pond
Drunk injured in bridge fall fleeing from sister

Hunter spots struggling kite surfer

Mugger beaten up by 97 year old victim

Policemen catch python

This is just from one day. It all happens here. Fantastic!