In the wardrobe you think about things

One of the disadvantages of having pay TV here is that – while we pay an extraordinary amount of money to get it – they don’t actually have anything I want to watch.

Two things I liked to watch occasionally on cable TV in Australia were the Formula 1 and the USA PGA Golf. Here both those things are on the ‘Premium’ channels to which our current monthly king’s ransom does not entitle us.

Here I get snooker, darts, ‘speedway’ (which is boys going round sideways on dirt tracks) and endless – ENDLESS tennis.

I find watching tennis on TV unbearable - and as for going to a game - well I would rather go into a church with Cate!

The Eurosport channels apparently shows every match in every tournament in the universe and just showed every excruciating ball hit in the French open thingy.

This was apparently won by Roger Federer who people are saying is the best tennis player in the history of the world.

I don’t know that I would call someone who cries after every match (win or lose) a good player let alone the world’s best ever player. He appears to be an emotional wreck.

Ken Rosewall and Lew Hoad would never have done this.

And anyway – the only reason he won was because someone they call Rafa broke both legs earlier and didn’t make the final – because every time Rafa meets the Fed he flogs him mercilessly (and the Fed cries).

I HATE watching tennis – so don’t.

I am certainly not watching the Ouagadougou Open next week – or Wimbledon (which goes FOREVER).

Incidentally there is now a girl playing tennis who grunts so loudly that the other players complain. Now that is loud!

I have never understood why they allow the girls to grunt. Apparently it is intended to put the other player off her game – and if this is the case the new one has turned it into an art form because her opponent turned into a blubbering wreck and has had to go back to grunting school to improve her technique.

Anyway – I now watch the European golf tour which is not so bad. Cate thinks it is complete rubbish but then she thinks all sport is complete rubbish. She only watches quality TV such as Desperate Housewives.

I can watch the Formula 1 on local TV with German commentary. I am adapting.

So on the weekend the 20/20 Cricket tournament started. Surprisingly - this is on the TV we pay for and no one so far has asked for more money.

As I expected – Australia got hammered. First by the West Indies and then by Sri Lanka.

This is hardly surprising as Andrew Symonds was the only Australian player capable of hitting the ball more than 50 metres – and they sent him home for having a quiet beer after training.

Now – call me old fashioned – but I would rather have someone who stays out late drinking and wins cricket games - than a team that plays Pinochle and goes to bed early after a hot chocolate – and then loses badly.

It was also apparent that some of the Australian players were seeing spin bowling for the first time and were completely mesmerised by this strange phenomenon. They really should give them some practice before they get here – that’s what I would do – and bring back Merv Hughes.

Today or tomorrow Ricky Ponting will say that the 20/20 tournament was not important and that they are really here for the Ashes series – (in which they should also get pummelled because they really are a badly led, second rate side and the only thing that may save them is that England is usually worse).

As this is a family Blog I will not go into detail about David Carradine except to say that he has been much maligned about his little peccadilloes.

I mean – I have often been in one of Cate’s wardrobes - with her underwear - thinking about the possibilities.

Of course you can’t stand in Cate’s wardrobes so they are obviously not as big as the ones in hotels in Bangkok but – you know – when you see all that underwear and all those coat hangers – you think about things.

Cate's mouse changes colour

Cate is gallivanting around in Jakarta today (for a day) and then goes to Bangkok. It doesn’t seem worth it to me but what would I know.

She will be back on Friday – just after the new cats arrive.

Naturally I have been preparing for the event and have so far washed all the curtains and steam cleaned the carpets. I have washed all the crockery and glasses but ran out of Silvo before I finished the knives and forks so will knock this over tomorrow.

I went to Dehner today and laid in enormous supplies of food and litter. These are mainly for Gretchen who will look after the chaps while we are away. This is only three weeks away so massive preparations are taking place.

Last week I cycled on Thursday and made a young lady immensely angry. I was watching something (probably a Bee) and strayed into her path and she howled like a Banshee (well…I haven’t heard a Banshee howl but I can imagine). And it wasn’t one howl – she howled off into the distance and caused quite a stir.

I have of course done this with motorists but have never achieved it before with cyclists. I may try it again because it was sensational entertainment.

I can’t imagine what her problem was – apart from being obviously unhappy. Perhaps she is a shop assistant in Spar – or a Republican.

My two hour cycle today was very wearing as once again it is windy. I hope this doesn’t go on all Spring and Summer! Anyway – it is making my legs tough but those Ash trees are still shedding and I am having enormous problems with Heuschnupfen.

I think Miss Snow Mountain is back this week and we will have a couple of final lessons before she goes off to live in Brazil with Caruso. I am not looking forward to getting a new German teacher because I just know she will be disappointed with me.

‘How long have you lived here?’ she will ask. ‘Hmmmm……you haven’t worked very hard on your German have you?’

To which the answer is of course NO. In fact in real terms I have done bugger all – probably averaging only a couple of hours each week.

But I speak enough to get by and can achieve most things. I do not want to be fluent in German because after we leave Wien I am never likely to use it again except for watching Adolf Hilter’s speeches and these have limited appeal.

But I am happy to keep plodding along and will gradually improve.

There are too many things to do here to spend too much time on German – and of course on Thursday the new cats arrive.

I bought a new mini-mouse for my new notebook PC. It’s one of those with a retractable cord so you keep it tidy when you are not using it. Cate saw it on my desk yesterday just before she left - and stole it.

She just rang me from Jakarta to say that it changes colour when she uses it.

What can I say.

Niki wears leather bathing trunks

I got into trouble from Cate yesterday because there was no narrative accompanying the Blog.

I told her that I didn’t have anything to say and she responded that I never have anything to say and it doesn’t stop me from writing a Blog.

Despite this ringing endorsement I have decided to carry on.

She just hates the thought that I might me lazing around while she is working. Well of course I am!

The plants are still alive. I have trimmed, watered and fed them and they appear to be coping well with the howling winds. They do get caught up in the cat net so I have to untangle them every now and then.

Of course I spend a lot of time now cutting birds out of the cat net and untangling their feathers from the netting before releasing them back into the wild.

The owls are the biggest problem because when I find them it is daylight and they just can’t see a damn thing so tend to fly off into the sides of buildings. I am not sure what I can do about them but am thinking about strobe lights. I will issue the neighbours with sleep masks.

I notice when I am out cycling that Austrian motorists like using their horns a lot. It seems that they all have this problem and are probably trained from an early age.

‘This is your first toy car Hans - this is the horn – it is the most important part’.

They particularly don’t like it when someone moves into ‘their’ lane in front of them and invariably react badly.

OH NO some sucker is moving into MY lane…I’m not having that Beeeeeeeeeeeep!

They also like to glare at other motorists and probably practice fierce glares in front of the mirror. Some of these are indeed scary and would frighten small children – but are hardly likely to impact on another Austrian motorist.

I think it is the Teutonic desire for order and organisation. Hmmm…I have my route planned carefully….I am going to continue in this lane for 200 meters and the turn left. Then when I get home I am going to eat my Schnitzel with Gertrude, watch ‘Austria’s Next Top Model’ have a hot chocolate, practice my glaring and go to bed.

There are of course times when you have to change lanes. If I don’t know the route I sometimes find that I am in the left lane when I need to turn right. Now I can either keep in then left lane and go to Praha or change lanes to go where I actually want to go.

So I do what every other motorist does and change lanes – and apparently ruin the entire life of the driver into whose lane I am moving.

I am, however, impervious now to Beeps, Toots, Shouts and Glares and even Gestures.

The cats and kitten arrive on 11 June. Cate is going away on Sunday so Muffin and I will have a chance to bond with them before she gets back. They should learn early that they can expect a lot from Cate but it will not include food or anything practical.

Muffin, for example, never bothers asking Cate for something to eat. This would be an entirely futile exercise.

It’s news day today and I must bring this one to your attention.

“Niki Lauda prefers lederhosen to swim in

Three-time Formula One champ Niki Lauda has revealed he loves to go swimming in bathing trunks made of leather.The 60-year-old airline manager said in an interview with magazine News he had been provided such extraordinary bathing trunks by his friend Peter Goach, the chef at top Vienna restaurant "Steirerstöckl". Lauda added the Krapfenwaldlbad in Vienna-Heiligenstadt was his favourite place for swimming”.

I will not comment but will leave this with you to mull over while you eat your morning Coco Pops. You can see them here http://www.xpress.at/nw1/gen/slideshows/slide/show;leute/promis_und_vips/promis_machen_mode/13/;kid;789?flags=nopop;1