Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Prime Minister promises suitable memorial

Russians who were involved in the Chernobyl project arrived in the UK today to help British engineers build a concrete dome over Heathrow. 

The British government has decided to permanently entomb Heathrow as it had never really functioned as an airport and is entirely useless when it snows.

The BAA Manager said the final straw was when his brother-in-law wanted his tractor back to deliver Christmas presents around his village. ‘We had really hope to dig the Majorca flight out tonight’ he said ‘but then Barry turned up and wanted his tractor - and that was that. Then the handle on the snow shovel broke and Keith went home  - so I phoned the Home Secretary and he called the Russians’.

The Prime Minister said that it would be impossible to get everyone out of the terminals before the concrete was poured as some of them had been there for months and had built permanent living quarters. Inevitably - some would remain there forever.

But the said that these were mainly the old and lame and that – given the state of the economy – ‘they were pretty well fucked anyway. Better to go under wet cement than die of starvation in a council flat with no electricity.’

He did promise a suitable memorial with a national campaign to find a suitable dedication. One of the first entries was:

‘What a Cock Up!’ 


  1. thanks for putting a smile on my face :)

  2. People are so desperate they are lining up for miles to get into the Chunnel (there is an emergency session in the British parliament right now, to prepare passage of a law that would allow Briish citizens to travel with the "Euro"Star).

  3. Couldn't resist:!

    Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!

    [verification word = gilarse!]

  4. Travelling is supposed to have an element of adventure and uncertainty about it. I always thought so, anyway. And it keeps our media busy when it is otherwise quiet.

  5. I was going to poke fun at some of my English friends and then it threatened to snow here and the South collectively lost it's fucking mind.

    Threatened to snow.

    And then it did snow. And promptly stopped and melted. People are still wondering if the Rapture is upon us.

    Happy New Year, my friend.