Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Only in a parallel universe

Some months ago we bought a new sofa. At least we thought we had bought a new sofa. Turns out we cannot have it until the store is finished with it.

Cate has been unhappy with our existing sofas for a long time – indeed since the day we bought them a few years ago in Australia.

The day they arrived home she looked at them and said that the backs were not high enough.

I countered with the fact that they were still the same height as they were in the store - but this only elicited a death stare - and since then she has been searching planet earth for replacements.

This has involved peering into every furniture store we pass – anywhere in the world – and there are thousands -  but of course with particular focus on Vienna.

There have also been endless expeditions to  furniture stores in and around Vienna as we seek the perfect sofas – which I know do not exist simply because the chances of it being the right colour with the right cushions and the right height with the right configuration and the right legs are so remote that it may exist somewhere in a parallel universe but it is simply not available in this galaxy.

But – in July – we stumbled across something to which Cate took a fancy and I of course immediately expressed my boundless enthusiasm because I could see that this may be a chance to end the search for the Holy Grail of sofas to which I had devoted so very much of my life.

What is more – there was a 30% discount which to me – as the accountant in the household - was a very attractive proposition as it meant I could put more money aside for new Apple products.

The catch was that we were buying the sofa that was on display and they would not release it until their new season stock arrived. This was all well and good as that was due in a few week’s time and we were prepared to wait.

Well we are still waiting and phone calls and emails have failed to produce the goods.

So today I went to monster them personally and suitably harangued the poor wretch in the store.

I told him that unless he gave me a firm delivery date I was cancelling the purchase.

This – of course – was a lie.

There was no way I was going to cancel the purchase and condemn myself to another five years of hellish wandering through furniture stores discovering why each and every sofa on display had irredeemable faults which rendered it unfit for use.

So – suitably motivated – he made phone calls and gave me a date – October 4.

Now he probably made this up but that’s OK as I was lying as well - and at least it gives me another two weeks breathing space where I do not have to think about sofas.


  1. Again I feel your pain. If only there was a doorway to that parallel universe Badger. Then I wouldn't have the ghastly sofa I've got. Let my daughter help me choose and ended up with a sofa so uncomfortable I actually gave away the 2 seater part and bought myself a recliner. Much better. Saving up for a 2nd recliner but no doubt they'll be extinct by the time I can afford one. Sigh.... Goodluck with your lying, I seldom do because I can't keep track of what I've said.

  2. I have heard that two wrongs don't make a right, but according to your sixth paragraph five rights make a perfect couch. I have learned to flip my cushions - one side for Cooper and I, and the better side for company.

  3. Sandy: I only lie to people who lie to me. This way I can keep track.

    esbboston: Our cats have both sides of the cushions