Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Maybe it needs new batteries

Montmartre Cemetery Cat.

I think it’s time I changed the name of my Blog. I mean it used to be about Vienna but I have sort of merged with Vienna now and really have nothing to complain about. 

Apart from the Fershlugginer smokers.

I mean shag me twice on Sundays - it’s like running the gauntlet now that there is a decent number of non-smoking restaurants in Vienna - because now the smokers congregate in droves in the doorways outside the non-smoking restaurants and create toxic zones that are like oil wells on fire that you have to avoid when you pass by – or worse – walk through to get into the non-smoking restaurants.

And going past a Cinema or Theatre at intermission is quite an experience – you need someone like Red Adair with you – with dynamite – to blow a hole through the smoke.

And when they come back into the restaurants after the puffathon you can smell them 50 meters away and of course they are always opening and shutting the doors and allowing great billowing wafts of smoke into the restaurants - and its enough to make you vomit.

And I really don’t give a rats arse if they want to kill themselves (although I wish they would do it more quickly) but I do give a rats arse if they want to kill me - and not just kill me but give me a thumping migraine - which they do – every time.

That and dogs shitting on the pavements are the only things that bother me. 

Other than that Vienna is perfect.

So perhaps I should change the name of the Blog. Perhaps to something like Badger’s Droppings? And I need a new template for Spring. Perhaps some Ducks.

And one of the things I like most about writing a Blog is that I can start sentences with ‘and’  - or indeed any word I like.  

I have tried very hard to fire up the Care-O-Meter which stopped working when I fell off the Dog Sled in Lapland and broke my ribs.

I have watched Fox news. I am back reading about politics in America. I watched 'Presidential Candidate' Mike Huckabee talking about President Obama growing up in Kenya. I have even watched a snippet or two of that blabbering honking tosser Glenn Beck spraying around the room while rats eat his brains. 

I thought I could kick start myself by reading some of the jabbering columnists in that rancid Murdoch rag ‘The Australian’. Nothing. Not a quiver.

Maybe it needs new batteries. I’ll take it in for a service. 


  1. Detroit for Dummies just doesn't work, does it? I think you need cats in your header. I want a cemetery cat. They are gorgeous.

    Two days.... tick, tick, tick...

  2. So sorry, don't know what to say.
    I could offer you a photo.
    Or, would a home-made donut help?

    Reading your blog gives me some valuable insight into what's going on in the world. I was downtown yesterday and felt like a tourist, I hardly remember the place. I literally live at my desk and sleep under it. I consider myself lucky I don't have to tread where you step into smokers and dog poop, I almost miss that! ;-)

  3. Oh well, that last sentence does not make much sense.
    You get the drift, I trust. ;-)

  4. Call it Vienna for Donna, then basically commit yourself to finding each and every girl in Vienna called Donna (or Austrian equivalent) and then photographing them in compromising naked positions with cake.

    I admit the plan could be flawed but I reckon it would put your batteries back in!

  5. Also, I often think if my high school English teacher could read my blog she would give me a huge detention for my abuse of grammar and total disregard for proper sentence structure...

  6. I'll consult Jim and see what he comes up with. There's bound to be something on his radar that will stir you up.

  7. i love writing really bad sentences with no capitals, punctuation or correct sentence structure!

    what a cute cat.

    sure you haven't got a little rant hiding in there to share with us? go on

  8. Jim says that you must be having a belated midlife crisis and are in the process of trying not to become a closet neocon!

  9. Wanderlust: Detroit?

    Merisi: It will be over soon: We will be able to play together again.

    Glen: Or I could be beaten to death by Cate. Good plan.

    frog ponds rock: no worries.

    Annie: The new batteries are working. Mid life crisis: I should be so lucky!

    A new girl in vienna: A rant is coming.