Monday, August 23, 2010

Not an election blog

I got such a lot of comments about the election I thought I would write another blog about it. Perhaps not.
Question 1:
You are carrying two shopping bags home from Spar. One contains milk, salmon, croissants and frozen chicken. The other contains two glass jars of yogurt and 6 eggs. You drop a bag - which one is it?
Question 2:

You only forget your front door key once every year. Does this happen on a day when it is cool and you can wait in the shade for someone to open the door or does it happen on a day when it is 37° and you are standing in the blazing sun with a bag full of broken glass, vanilla yoghurt and smashed eggs?
Question 3: 
You have been complaining for some time to yourself that your Asian cooking suffers because you do not have a Wok. You finally voice this complaint to your spouse who tells you that you do indeed have a Wok and shows you where you hid it when you arrived and unpacked two years ago. Do you take the Wok and start using it for Asian cooking or do you immediately drop it on the floor and break it?
You have score 3 out of 3 and are eligible for the next round. 
We bought some bedroom cupboards at Interio on Saturday and having learned my lesson some time ago I asked for two delivery men and said I did not want to have any involvement. 
One man arrived and as two of the boxes were too big for the elevator he carried them up the stairs. He was short and very stout. Very stout indeed. 
I really thought he was going to die when he arrived with the first box. I heard him coming from level 2 (we are on 6). He was not panting - these were great gasping sobs. It sounded like a Buffalo connected to sub-woofers having an Asthma attack.
He looked and sounded so bad when he arrived I said I would carry the second box up with him. After a few minutes when he could speak again he said ‘no problem’ and vanished into the elevator.
Another gasping Buffalo performance took place - but it was worse. he arrived bright red and wringing wet and instead of gasping he was hooting. 
I offered him some cold water but said he had some in the van with his defibrillator and then hurried off somewhere else to no doubt do the same thing again.  
Astonishing. If he asked me for advice I would say ‘don’t buy any green Bananas.’
Cate is on Johannesburg this week so the cats and I are getting up you our usual tricks. I can’t tell you what these are because Cate reads the blog.
I am still in a deep depression over the election results but was cheered immensely by the Borowitz Report. He is one of my favorites and I thought I should share it with you.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In what might be the most serious challenge to Barack Obama’s legitimacy as President, a new poll shows that one out of five Americans are not convinced that Mr. Obama exists.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, reveals that 23 percent of those surveyed “strongly agreed” with the statement, “I believe that Barack Obama’s birth was faked, just like the moon landing.”

The poll results coincide with the recent rise of the so-called “Exister” movement, a group who believes that Mr. Obama is an optical illusion created by the Democratic Party to raise taxes and bail out banks.

“The Birthers say that Obama’s lack of a birth certificate means he was born in Kenya,” says Jerrilene Rance, a leading Exister.  “We believe it’s proof that he was never born.”

Ms. Rance says that while President George W. Bush was criticized for disappearing every August, “Obama is never there to begin with.”

Appearing Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) made comments about Mr. Obama’s existence that only stoked the controversy.

“I’ve spoken to him face-to-face, and I take him at his word that he exists,” he said.  “Unless of course I was talking to a hologram.”

At the White House, spokesman Robert Gibbs brushed aside a question about the President’s existence, saying that Mr. Obama had “no comment.”

Exister leader Jerrilene Rance offered this response: "The reason he has no comment is that he has no mouth."
You can find Andy Borowitz here


  1. OMG. HA. totally lost for words. seriously nuts!
    p.s. sorry about your shopping. that sucks. oh, and about the election. that sucks too.

  2. angiv: thank you so much for your comment. You must feel so alone.

  3. I can't believe that guy shlepped an oversized box all the way to the top floor! Proves what I believe anyway: Austrians work hard. Workers having some good basic rights and health insurance does not necessarily make them work less.