Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I hate the Italian Football Team!


The Herminator has retired just before the skiing season starts. This is indeed a bitter blow.

The Austrian Times reports:

Austrian ski ace Hermann Maier unexpectedly announced his retirement today (Tues) from competitive skiing.Maier, 36, said that surgery on his right knee in the offseason was the main reason."I gave it a lot of thought but decided spontaneously that now is the best time for retirement," Maier said.

Well – it’s going to be a bit dull this year without the Herminator.

No snow here yet – but there is lots around in other parts of Austria. From the Austrian Times again:

“Austrian mountains have seen up to 45 centimetres of snow as Arctic weather has swept through the country, the Central Agency for Meteorology and Geodynamics (ZAMG) has said. It said the weather station at Rudolfshütte in Salzburg, which is at 2,000 metres above sea level, had received the most snow - 45 centimetres - last night (Mon/Tues).

ZAMG said high wind had accompanied the snow, with gusts of up to 150 kilometres an hour reported on the Schneeberg in Lower Austria and gusts of more than 100 kilometres an hour in many areas.

Such high winds, the agency said, were recorded on average only once every 25 years. It warned that Vienna, Lower Austria and Burgenland would have high winds of up to 80 kilometres an hour on Thursday.

The snow in the mountains is a taste of things to come for some provincial capitals, which are expected to see their earliest snowfalls in history this week”.

To celebrate this Sissi dragged my Austrian Rat Hat out for the basket and tried to eat it. It is a bit soggy but none the worse for wear.

Michael Jackson’s ‘new song’ is actually and old song and coincidentally co-written by Paul Anka who is coming to Wien on November 16. Paul said he is very pleased because he will get half the royalties.

I reckon that’s fair enough – what’s the big deal - I mean it’s a bit hard to write songs if you’re dead – of course someone else had to write it – and in the age of recycling why start afresh when you can save the planet and use old songs.

On this unhappy note I regret to advise that a new book in the The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series goes on sale today. You may be surprised at this – because Douglas Adams died in 2001.

But his estate – in the endless quest to leave no stone unturned to make more money out of anything at all – commissioned another author to write a sequel.

There is simply NOTHING that people will not do to make a buck. It really is enough to make you vomit.

My care-o-meter shows how much I (A Douglas Adams fan) am looking forward to a sequel.

The Wet Patch people (A supervisor and two assistants) have been and have found the Wet Patch problem. The seals around the bath and flooring were not effective. (It’s those damn seals again! – was there a number 7?).

They have re-sealed all the appropriate areas and I expect that all will be well. In another few months there will be an inspection and in about 2016 someone will arrive to paint the wall.

I have never mentioned how much I hate the Italian Football Team (and so does Lenny)

I hate them because they cheat – a lot. In the last World Cup Australia nearly made it to the Quarter Finals and in the game against Italy held them to a draw. In the last minute of play an Italian player took a dive to get a penalty and Italy won the game. The Italian Cheating Diving Team then won the World Cup.

Here is some secret video footage of the Italian team at practice.

Azzurri Training

My research since then has shown that the Italians are probably the worst cheats in world football - but that their fans expect them to cheat - because winning is the only thing that counts. The statistics from that World Cup show that they were awarded the most number of fouls (i.e. they dived more than anyone else).

Indeed – the former Premier of NSW – Morris Iemma – himself of Italian origins - said that after that particular game he bought a book about why Italians are born to cheat at football.

Anyway – its World Cup time again next year and both Italy and Australia are in the final 32.

As punishment for what the Italians did to Australia last time I have put a curse on the Azzurri. (I and I am really sorry I have had to do this because I know some lovely Italians).

You may think this is a case of overkill because it will have a dramatic effect on so many Italian footballs fans – but I was REALLY unhappy about what they did to Australia.

The curse involved candles, duck feathers a cork and rubber gloves and I won’t go into too many sordid details but it absolutely guarantees that Italy will not make it past the Quarter Finals. This is a safe bet – you can put money on it.

My curses always work – look at Malcolm Turnbull’s ratings and what happened to John Howard and Brendan Nelson!

(Sorry Brendan - but it was for the best - we simply cannot have a complete Goose as the Leader of the Opposition).


  1. It's snowing in Vienna (has been all morning, here in the Schönbrunn foothills) and a new "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" - the sky's falling, I cry!

  2. Hmmm........send some snow our way!