New York

There is a terminal C at Newark airport. In a number of conversations with a limo company I was told there was not. The woman became quite tetchy and said 'ask someone where you are - there is no terminal C'. She did this three times and each time I assured her that I was standing under a sign that said 'Terminal C'.

I attempted to speak to the driver who was looking for us. He spoke almost no English and I speak no Russian. He could not understand where I was and I could not understand where he was. After 40 minutes and six phone calls I gave up and we went downstairs to get a taxi. Then the limo company rang and said the car was waiting where I had been.

You mean at the non-existent terminal C I said. I have sent the limo company a photo I took of the sign that says 'Terminal C'.

The traffic in New York is as excruciating as ever but the roads are just like they are in Indianapolis so I felt right at home. They do seem to patch their potholes here which is a novel approach and one that should be adopted by my town. Our legislation is too busy hating gays to fix potholes.
Hansel and Gretel are just as impressed with New York as they were with the other places we have been - except Disneyland which they really liked - but then they were on rides. I have found that when they are outdoors Hansel and Gretel like only two things - eating ice cream and going on merry-go-rounds.

I had forgotten what it is like to travel with small children who are always whimpering and are hot or cold or hungry or thirsty or tired or want an iceblock or need to go to the toilet or are dying from some unspecified ailment or are badly injured but show no signs of damage and really just want to go back to the hotel so they can play with their toys.

We are staying very near Times Square in the Edison hotel which is the busiest hotel I have ever seen. The lobby is always packed with hordes of young people doing what young people do which is mainly shriek and shout and leap about noisily.

Times Square is much busier than I remember and there are many more gigantic electronic billboards. Where else in the world could you see a 90' woman in a bikini. The last time I saw this many people in the same place it was at Disneyland. Of course many of the people are just selling tickets to the bus ride round New York. That would be some ride - a three hour ride moving at an average of two miles per hour

Times Square is probably what most of the planet will look like when we become extinct. This is not that far off and in America is being hastened by a group of very rich people who want to be even richer and do not care what happens to their great grandchildren who will die of asphyxiation buried under a mountain of McDonald and Chipotle wrappers.

This is pronounced Chee-pot-lay and not as chee-pottel as I thought when I first came to America.

I have seen the world's biggest Toys R Us. It is in Times Square and is quite extraordinary. It was an experience I would like to have only once.

There is a Barbie house and a Ferris Wheel. There are walls of Barbies and the Skylander things that Hasel collects by the kilo. He is the toy makers perfect client.

We went to Central Park and saw lots of things including a marionette show of Jack and the Beanstalk. The kids loved this and they were entranced for an hour before their life threatening needs returned and the needs for ice cream became overwhelming.

Today we went to the 911 memorial and museum. It was quite an experience. We then walked thru Battery park. This caused much protest and dragging of small feet so we caught a taxi to where the Circle line departs - but the bloody thing only goes twice a day - and the next one was hours away.

We walked back to the hotel - a feat that was achieved only by cajoling with promises of ice blocks. Kezza went to MOMA and then shopping while grandad looked after the children. They played in the room and grandad went to sleep watching a cartoon.

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