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Sunday, April 5, 2015

I saw the end of the world

I can imagine that many moons ago - perhaps in the 40s - Hollywood was a place you would like to visit. You could even imagine Lana Turner and Gary Cooper having a soda at the drug store. Perhaps Jimmy Cagney having a quiet drink in a fancy bar.

Today the only actors who visit Hollywood are those who dress as Johnny Depp or Batman to suck dollars out of the poor wretches who find themselves in this godforsaken part of the world.

Why in the name of Nemo you would want to get a photo taken with a very scruffy Batman replica wearing a frayed suit that looked like it was dry cleaned with a shovel load of coal dust I just do not know.

We saw people comatose in the street - Hollywood boulevard. I saw one man who was almost certainly dead. The famous Hollywood and Vine looks like it was decorated by ISIS.

The places which sell what is supposed to be food are obviously competing in the 'shittiest dive in LA' competition. We saw the winner. The quality of the decor was exceeded only by the aroma. I would rather eat my sneakers than go anywhere we saw.

We ate in McDonalds which was infested by ragged panhandlers who looked like a cross between a scarecrow and a chimney sweep. At least they were walking - after a fashion. Most panhandlers were prone on the footpaths with their hands outstretched - except for the dead ones of course.

It was difficult for us to beat a path thru the myriads of touts begging us to get into their rusted shit heaps so they could show us the homes of the 'stars'. I bet no decent actors live within 50 miles of Hollywood. We could have seen where Joan Crawford used to live. It is probably owned now by a grub who makes porn films and molests children.

The number of second hand clothes stores and costume shops is exceeded only by the number of sex shops. The part of Hollywood boulevard we saw makes Kings Cross look like the Champs √Člys√©es.

We had a limo. It had taken us an hour to get there. We walked for ten minutes and ate for 20 minutes. Then we went to Santa Monica beach. This took an hour and a half. We spent 10 minutes there - more than enough time - and escaped. We could have our photo taken with a snake but I thought for $10 I could buy my own.There was a man shouting about how Jesus saved the world. He did not say why Jesus missed Hollywood and Santa Monica.

We had the car for 5 hours and spent 4.25 hours driving thru the worst traffic I have seen since Bangkok.

Never again.

 

9 comments:

  1. Well at least now you're prepared for San fran...

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  2. Sounds too ghastly for words. And makes your Disneyland memories begin to glow...but only dimly.

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  3. I had a business trip last year to Hollywood. I stayed in a hotel right behind the Chinese theater and I never actually set foot on Hollywood Boulevard. I was such a bad tourist. I did take a cab to the beach, though, because that was worth seeing.

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  4. I have only spent about ten minutes in L.A., on the tarmac then onto somewhere else. I have spent some or all of ten different days in San Francisco which was enjoyable overall, on about 4 trips to San Jose area and my honeymoon.

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  5. Disney World next time perhaps???

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  6. San Diego is much nicer. Traffic can still be interesting, but nothing like L.A. You need a nice week in the Smoky Mountains. Now that spring break is over, traffic has lessened. Try to arrive on a Sunday and leave on a Thursday. You'll be glad you did. Spring wildflowers are stunning this year. Come soon!

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  7. Don't know but suspect you might have liked the Getty on its hilltop or the Huntington library and grounds. I'll hope SF behaves itself or misbehaves interestingly.

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  8. Lenny: Prepared for anything after Hollywood.

    fmcgmccllc: It has to be seen to be believed.

    Annie: Disneyland is like a breath of fresh air compared to Hollywood.

    Wanderlust: No need to bother next time you are there.

    esb: That is quite long enough.

    Sandy: Oh no no no no no

    Mary Anne: Looking forward to my next trip to the Smoky mountains.

    Feuillet: I am sure you are right but with small grandchildren my options were limited.

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