Monday, November 7, 2011

Who are you all?

Now up until I was given an undeserved and untimely award of ‘Blog of Note’ last April I had about – I think – 70 followers.

This ‘award’ is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me because I now have a full spam box every day of my life.

But it is bad spam. Spam I cannot read. Spam in foreign languages. I can recognise some as being in Thai and some is in Chinese (I am not sure which dialect) but what it says is of course beyond me.

But it comes in avalanches. Some have pictures and I can see that they are trying to get me to come to hotels and restaurants in far flung lands. Someone in a town in Thailand wants me to use his car park – for fuck's sake. I should fly my car there?

There are others without pictures and I assume like most of the others in English that they are trying to make me rich – or bigger my dick. Actually some of them are now using English translators and they say you can grow your dick six inches in six weeks. (It actually said gwow but I know what they meant)

(Now I would like you to stop briefly – look into the distance and see if you can think of anyone you know who would send money to anywhere to buy pills to increase the size of his penis by six inches? Neither can I. But people do it so there must be a market - as evidenced by the amount of mail in my spam box.)

And after this award there was a brief increase in my numbers of followers. This was a real increase of people who found my blog interesting or amusing - or something and signed on and this brought the number up to - I think - about 130. Most of these have since moved on – as people do. Times change.  

Now I have attached the statistics showing the number of visitors and page views which is probably consistent with what one would expect. My average visitors each day are now about 80 – sometimes a few more – sometimes a few less. You can see all this by clicking on the thingy on my blog. 

What is scary is that my followers creep inexorably ever upwards – for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes I collect three in a week. Often I am the first blog they have ever followed. Often they created their blog within the last few days.

Scarier even still is that the followers – almost without exception – have no reason to follow me. I invite you to look at my most recent follower thenextdarklord. We do not seem to have a lot on common. But then……

My question to you is – What the fuck is going on? There is clearly something that I do not understand here. Is there a game being played where you collect points for following blogs. Are there more points for following Viennese?

Perhaps – as has been hinted by many – including my kindergarten teacher – I am indeed the Antichrist – and the Rapture is at hand.

There is something sincerely scary going on here and I wish to put an end to it. Please help.

As the thenextdarklord says:

Well, then. I am Marielle (I cannot emphasise this enough), and I am a worthless human being. People don't like me, and I have an outstanding ability to not give a damn. Eminem and Morgan Freeman are my spirit animals. THIS is my other blog. And yes, I am the next dark lord. I also think I could be Hannah Montana. Life isn't fair. We part ways now...

Holy shit.


  1. pros and cons of success on the one hand you get.... What do you get? On on the other hand you get the Dark Lord

  2. Holy shit is right.

    Well at least you don't have "Michelle", a man who has written to me a number of times on my gmail account. Now masquerading as "Michelle" he is fond of random capitalization, words of his own making, and the non sequitur.


  3. If you run across any great Dining Out deals in Shanghai, let me know.

  4. I'm a real person! And I read because I find what you write quite amusing.

  5. Thanks for the invite to see what thenextdarklord is on about but I pass Im frightened of the dark I follow you because I like to read what youre up to and if Im really lucky you comment on my blog Youll just have to lump it Im afraid (apologies for the lack of apostrophes, my lap top has lost it somewhere)

  6. hmmm... yeah, i think i'll just stick with your blog and bypass the dark lord. i'm all out of patience for scary. *laugh*

  7. Shit, I was reading you before Blogger invented the Follow app.

    You're a fellow wino. That's good enough for me.

  8. Ah, but if it wasn't fot BoN then I would probably not have found you. I have tried examining their Blog of Note winners, and it is eXtremely rare that I find people that I like to read or rather enjoy, in sync stylistically to use a big word, blah. And choosing the Next button in Blogger is a bona fide joke, I actually wrote junk subliminally just then, and then I finally figured out how to find writers by reading the comments of the writers I like. Duh!! I am not a genius if it took me four years to discover that. If you don't like being on the Blog of Note honor roll I would hope that maybe Blogger would let you remove yourself. But I imagine it will be just like the great state of Texas giving away my cell phone number attached to my sales tax info, so now I am swamped with robotic phone calls, and humans that may as well be robots. People want something for nearly nothing, no effort. Interesting concept for an atheist to consider himself to be the anti-christ, that is eXtremely funny when you examine it very closely from all the comedic angles. You are loved and appreciayed deeply by several people, for who you really are, your total being, always remember that. Thank you for sharing what appears to be the very real you in your blog.

  9. Looking at your graphs, it seems that you are pretty well back to the status quo ante BoN (except for the amazing quantities of spam.)
    And as for me, I read your blog because I enjoy the adventures and encounters of the Badger and the extraordinary Cate.

  10. Glen: As long as the Dark Lord just sits there.......

    Pearl: Yeh..followers are better - they don't send emails.

    fmcgmccllc: Well they are in Chinese so I cannot tell...but I can forward them all to you?

    Anna W: Yes and you are a truly wonderful person who follows for a reason - to read the blog. That I can sort of understand

    Sandy: I don't think she is really all that scary - just a bit weird. Much like about 100 million other bloggers. Your apostrophe is there somewhere - keep looking.

    carmar76: I think she was late for Halloween. Actually I think she might have stopped at the wrong blog.

    SK Waller: Thank you fellow wino. That gives me a warm glow.

    esbboston: And my life would be much the poorer without you. I think the next blog button was invented to make people who are feeling sad Laugh out Loud. It always does it for me. When I think I have written a bad blog I always go to the 'next blog' button and cheer myself up immensely. And I share as much as I dare. Too much and they would come with a net.

    Merricks: Cate is indeed the extraordinary one in this household. But thank you for your kind words. I have stared in fascination number of times at the photo on your blog that you manipulated with your software. There is something about it that is so surreal that is captures me.

  11. Remember all of us little people when the Dark Lord and Chinese parking attendants make you and your giant penis famous.

  12. smedette; There is no danger of my being in demand as a porno star - although I have been complimented on my style.

  13. I hasten to add that was some time ago when I was not in my autumn years - with the leaves turning brown.

  14. Merisi: Don't you have leaves?

  15. Am I supposed to be a deciduous shrub or something?Or a moulting cicada?

  16. Merisi: You are definitely an evergreen

    angiv: You are too kind.