Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I don't know - I never answer it!

Ducks Stadtpark 

Well none of you answered the question as to why I get so many unusual followers. So people pick me from the BoN list and follow me – for no particular reason. So it is a mystery that remains unanswered.
None of them appear to be homicidal and I am effectively invisible. As far as I am aware I am not in any phone book or directory in the known world so I defy anyone to track me down.

We do have a landline (is that what you call a fixed telephone line in your apartment?) which came with our package when we moved in. We had a TV/Internet/Telephone Package. (Nothing is in my name.) Now here is a challenge for you esby! See if you can find me!

We got high speed Internet plus 100 odd channels of German TV. But it does include BBC World News and a couple of other useful things in English - and a telephone landline which we have never used.

I have no idea what the telephone number is. I have never given it to anyone. Cate did give it to her brother and he is the only person who has ever called and been answered – by accident.

Now it does ring – every day in fact. In the early days I used to answer it – but people used to speak to me in German so I would say – in English  ‘I don’t speak German – can you speak to me in English’ and they would hang up.

So I assumed that they were selling the usual crap that people sell the world over. ‘Hi my name is Gertrude and I have a very special offer for you today Herr… may I ask what your name is…?’

So after a couple of calls I stopped answering the telephone altogether.

I have not answered it now for more than three years.

So each day or night when I get home I see that there has been a call or calls and that a message has been left – because the light is blinking.

I imagine that it has been Gertrude or Traudi or one of her colleagues who has a special offer for me and would like me to call her back.

So I reset the phone until it does not blink – until the next time.

But – I hear you ask – does it not sometimes ring when you are there? Well – it probably does – but I have the ringer set so low that I cannot hear it. 

So Cate leaves tomorrow for her voyage of discovery. She will actually be back in Vienna on a couple of occasions – for 4 hours on Saturday so we can have a cup of tea together and she can brush the cats – before she flies to Istanbul and then for about the same amount of time next Wednesday before she flies to Delhi or (shudder) Mumbai.

There are valid reasons for her doing this and I know what they are and they are to do with clothes and flight schedules and tides and phases of the moon, stuff like that. 

I am on strict instructions to be on my best behavior. But I am going out on the town on Friday night with my friend Yum Cha.

Molly was supposed to come from Paris to look after me but this has turned into one of those Goat things. More of that tomorrow. 


  1. I have no idea why you get unusual followers. I follow you (not in a stalking way you understand) but I am not unusual - well I'm not all that usual either, but I'm not in thenextdarklord class.

    I can't remember whether I found your blog through BON or if I clicked on a link from another blog I visit - the latter I think. I do remember that it was just as you discovered the sudden death of your friend Maalie, and I was touched by your pain and sadness. I had recently lost someone very close to me and thought I could understand what you were feeling. I wanted to know more about Maalie and your friendship, and so discovered lovely ducks, visits to Cumbria and Australia, warm and interesting people. So here I am...

    I enjoy your convoluted, headlong writing style and your understated Antipodean humour. I read in wonderment of your international jet-set high-powered lifestyle. So: goats, ducks, cats, Vienna, fuck-ups, airplane booking disasters, telephones - great! bring it all on, Badger!

  2. I never answer the phone at home. ever. I agree with Alexia too -Maalie mate

  3. I sent you an email a few minutes ago with my guess, you asked me to find you.

    I had a fun day installing the POS (point of sale) system I mentioned earlier, as well as it's new computer. It was nice to actually get paid on the same day, especially with a lack of air conditioner work, ah, Novembrrrrr.

    Hopefully people are nice to you and surely won't do anything silly, stupid or dangerous. Its not like you are Brittany Spears or a Backstreet Boy, right? I guess maybe sometime in your life possibly a Spear Boy, but that might require scuba gear.

  4. Alexia: Thank you so much. One of the nicer reviews I have ever had.

    Simon: I think Dorothy Parker said when the telephone rang "What fresh hell is this"

    esbboston: And a fine effort it was too. Spear Boy? I do have Scuba Gear.

  5. ha! i never answer my phone either. None of them (except for my work phone which i am paid to answer). i'm brilliant on email though.

    we also had that same package - a bunch of random german channels, some questionnable programming from east of the danube, bbc, al jazeera english and "e entertainment television" where the narration is dubbed but individual speaking parts are not.

  6. Personally, I thought it might be nice getting a different perspective from someone half a world away. No stalkers here! Love your pics, look forward to seeing more of your BEAUTIFUL area.

  7. TNDW: I watch it occasionally to improve my German. Ha! fat chance.

    AWP: Am I really half a world way from you?
    Perhaps just 1/4. I will do a Vienna thing on Picasa soon.

  8. To reply to your question in a nutshell: I stumbled across your blog about 2 years ago and have remained stuck until now. No chance for me to be influenced by something like blog of note or anything of this kind...although you certainly deserve such a price. As I recall it, I happened to look for expats' blogs on Vienna - nothing a Viennois de souche like myself likes more than a little navel-gazing. And I thoroughly appreciate your humor, your style and your views, most of which I share(e.g. on things divine and feline. So, having a glance on your blog is a daily fixture for me. And believe me, you are a real talent and born novelist. Keep up the

  9. As you well know, I've been following your blog since you left our street and set out on your Viennese Adventure... And I'll continue to follow it wherever it leads me :-)

    Nothing more profound than that...

  10. Have you checked your referring stats to see if you have a number of visits coming from a particular site? I would guess you're listed somewhere and people are following with the hope of being followed back and building their rolls. It may be BoN, cause I don't get that kind of growth from peeps I don't know.

    Then again, maybe you are the Antichrist.

    P.S. Fellow non-answerer here.

  11. Annie: Yes quite so

    Wanderlust: Yes that could be it: (not the antichrist part)

  12. David: Thank you for your very kind comments. I will keep it up

  13. I picked you and a half dozen others from the BON list since you all live in different countries. Since it's not in the budget to travel, I view your blogs. I'm also new at this and viewing BON helps me. I'm safe. :)

    Also, you're Australian, and I was an exchange student to Gosford NSW in the eighties.


  14. looneysuse: Well there you are. I did not know I was still on the BoN list. Anyway I have a hankering to visit Michigan when we get to the USA - and I just love the Gosford area of NSW