Monday, May 9, 2011

They are Barbarians!

Our trip home was remarkably uneventful – given the excitement of the preceding 10 days.

We had a 7 hour stopover in Dubai and were going to be arriving there at 4:00 AM – and  - as we were traveling road kill class and could not get into any lounge - had decided to spring for the hotel inside the airport.

Rozalin had booked this for us and it proved to be remarkable inexpensive – all things considered. By booking in advance it was €125 - which was less than we had paid for a meal and a bottle of bat’s piss at Camp Festering. The room was excellent and the bed was sensational. We fell asleep immediately and slept for four blissful hours.

I had no idea where we were when I woke up. I staggered to the window and opened the curtains and found that I was in the middle of a departure lounge.
We awoke with enough time to have a decent coffee and spend some money in the airport. Drinking coffee and spending money being two of our favorite pastimes in the whole world. 

Cate spent some money at Kiehl’s and the sales assistant looked at me and gave her some ‘damaged face repair cream’ for men. Nice one.

There remained only the 5 hour flight between us and glorious Vienna and our cats - and I had been saving two special films for this. One of these was The King’s Speech which I dearly wanted to see but I had refrained from doing this because I knew that by the time I reached the last leg I would be at my wits end – not that it is a particularly long trip for my wits from one end to the other.  

But sod’s law prevailed and as soon as I touched my ICE entertainment  screen it flickered and died. I panicked and thought that I had somehow trashed the system – but every other one in the airplane soon followed.

So I read and thought about life and wrote a blog and stared into space a lot. I was thinking about writing a book about how I overcame my Christianity to become an Atheist - or is it a Skeptic – I have read so much I am not entirely sure about the definition - and I have been doing lots of research.

But really – who cares? 

I am perfectly happy being what I am. Christians are perfectly happy being what they are. Atheists are happy being Atheists and don’t read books about it. If Christians read my book they would say it was nonsense and would attack it and me – and it would not change the mind a single one of them. I could not mention Islam or I would be attacked at best and killed at worst.

I have convinced myself in one paragraph. No book. I will shut the fuck up!  

The seat in front of Cate was damaged and could not be placed upright so she spent the trip chewing the head rest of the seat in front. Now she could have moved to the seat next to her – which was empty – but she was making a point. She asked for fish and they had none so she got chicken. I gave her my fish – that is the type of guy I am. I put her chicken in the life vest under my seat.

She hates Emirates. We are flying home Emirates Business Class In August. It is the cheapest. If Crapair was the cheapest we would fly with them.

The cats were delighted to see us and Muffin greeted us with a special dribble. Later she vomited on the cushion. She does this a lot these days and I guess at 90 I will do the same.

It is nice to be back - and life now goes on as normal. Cate has gone to Saudi Arabia which is one of her least favorite places in the world – for any number of reasons.

The biggies are of course the way they treat women, the way she has to dress (top to toe in black) and of course that she cannot get any alcohol the entire time she is there. Shriek!

Her boss, Huggy Bear, is very fond of a glass or two and he likes the opposite sex. I just don’t know why he does not close the country office down. Who wants to have an office in a country where they don’t drink and you can’t look at the women? They are Barbarians!


  1. was great catching up on your posts badger. you took some fantastic photos too!

  2. Badger, your blog is sublime and please give writing a book serious consideration.

  3. I do!
    I care!
    I'm one of those people who screws their eyes up really hard and tries to believe in God, but I just can't fake it.
    But I'd love to be religious.
    I'd like to forego all the thinking and just sink into the believing but it ain't gunna happen.
    So yes! I would love to hear what you have to say on the subject.

    And a nice vomit to welcome you home.
    There's no place like it, right?

  4. Damaged face repair cream for men is the equivalent of some guy grabbing me in a Shanghai mall and quickly putting under eye bag and wrinkle on one of my eyes and saying look bitch, this was needed.

    Don't worry every Delta flight I take the same movie, reading light, seat thing happens, it is what it is. The King's Speech is great tho, I got it for 5 cents US in China before it hit the big screen.

  5. I think it would be nice for you to write the right book in your style. It might help people who are experiencing life similar to you, help change the you-niverse and them-niverse to a slightly better place.

  6. ANGIV: Thank you my dear. You are much too kind.

    Jessica: I am going to continue to write my novel: I am finished with religion.

    freefalling: I would love to believe. It was so nice when I did. Life was much easier. That is why people do it. Religion is better than the truth.

    fmcgmcclic: Well I do look a bit scraggy but shit I had been diving for 7 days I am not going to look like
    Tinkerbell. Hey - you are the reason we have to sit through that pirate shit message at the start of every DVD. 5 cents LoL.

    esbboston: I regret to say that it will take a lot more that I have to change anything in this giant shit box for the better.

  7. A very nice Grey Heron (Graureiher) you have captired there, Badger.

  8. Love to love your writings! My new love. :)
    It makes me smile very much!

  9. I am continuing to enjoy your postings (as an anonymous follower, always gutless, me). Good that Muffin was and is still there.
    And I, too, like your grey heron, and those lovely pink blurry people reflections.)