Wednesday, May 25, 2011

So this is the thing

Cumbria with Jim - January 2011

I am not functioning at all well for a number of reasons. After Jim’s death I have been very sad and spend a lot of time just moping about. I understand that this is a normal part of grieving and I just have to struggle through it. That is what I am doing.

On Friday there is a memorial service in England and a close friend and I will be lighting candles for Jim in Vienna – in St. Stephen’s Cathedral.

He would have liked that. He was not religious but often visited churches to light candles. After that we will have lunch together and remember a true friend lost. He was due to visit me this weekend. 

I am on a long program of trying to get rid of my migraines. Two weeks ago – because my lower dose was having some effect - my Doctor put me on the maximum dose of my anti-migraine drug.

The short to medium effect of this is to put me into a comatose state in the mornings and I do not surface effectively until after lunch. Until then I am less coherent than Muffin and all I really want to do most of the time is sleep.

But I am making progress. I am now having fewer migraines  - and they are much less powerful than they were. I am confident that in a few months I will be getting almost no migraines at all. I think it is worth the struggle – but unless you have never had a migraine you will not know what I am talking about. If you have – you will give me you true blessings.

Cate is not here and is only briefly popping in on Saturday before popping out again. We love each other more than the sky and it is difficult for both of us to spend so much time apart – but these things have to happen if we are to live the life we do in Vienna.

The combination of these things means that it is difficult for me to get through the day - let alone blog – so I am going to have to take a break.

Normal service will resume when I get my shit together. In the interim I may post some photos – probably of Ducks


  1. What you need is jam.

    probably strawberry

    or maybe plum.

    I find that Jam helps.

  2. We have much in common, Badger. I too am mourning the recent death of a close friend and I too have migraines.

    Be gentle with yourself and take the time you need. I'll be sending my best to you.

  3. I miss my father who has been gone almost two years. He was an agriculturist in several things, but he really loved fishing (which I hate) and making jelly from the wild fruit he would pick, and so I am making my vineyard with him in mind, maybe make some jelly down the road. I hope to make a very small plot of wheat for him soon. I think I can find a spot for it in the greenhouse part of my house between the oregano and the orchid. I too have bad headaches and know your pain, but at the same time I am freed from a horrible job environment that gave me headaches far too often. Big fish small pond is better than being plankton in the ocean.

  4. Sometimes life just gets a bit sucky.
    Wishing you clearer skies ahead.

  5. I will be praying for you Badger, for your head to stop hurting and heart to heal from the loss of a dear friend. And for the time your sweetheart is away to pass quickly for you both. I know you don't believe as I do and I sincerely hope it does not offend you that I will's the one thing I can do for someone I know only thru the blogosphere but wish to help thru a rough patch. I'll look forward to your blogs when you feel like writing again....and who doesn't love pictures of ducks?

    Take care...

  6. Glen: As long as it is English.

    SK Waller. Thanks Steph. And me to you.

    esbboston: My life is so good and my problems so small that I have much to be thankful for. Thanks for your kind thoughts. And good luck with your jelly.

    freefalling: They are just over the next small hill.

    Cheers: Happy to receive prayers - and than you for yours.

  7. Well that is a bugger. I am sorry to hear that things are so bad (and somewhat amazed that through all the pain, misery and medication you have given us all so much pleasure with your blog) Get well soon (for Cate and for Muffin).

  8. Take care of yourself. Grieving can be exhausting. Migraines can be exhausting too. I hope you are able to find some relief. I'm going to EM you something that's helped me recently.

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

  9. mate, I have tried to make a comment for two days and I here goes.... if you get this...

    Grief is something that hits us at odd times. She is not a keeper of convenience. However, she is natural and part of the process. We are all grieving here, as we spent 4 weeks with Jim. He is a valued part of our family.

    YEsterday Midnight was buried under the weeping cherry tree ( his favorite place to enjoy the sun). 17 years is not long enough for such an unconditional friend, and frankly I am grieving for him too.

  10. Merricks: Not as bad as all that - just need a bit of a break.

    Wanderlust: Thanks my dear. You take care as well.

    Simon: I understand your pain and share your sorrow.

  11. Oh, Badger. I hope your heart and head feel better soon. xoxo