Friday, November 19, 2010

Merry Schlockmas

I got my first Christmas Bag today when I went to Bobby’s market to buy some Porridge. 

Bobby’s is the only place I can find Porridge in Vienna. The woman in Bobby’s gave me a Christmas Bag. It has Santa Claus and Kittens on it. I have no idea what Kittens have to do with Christmas. 

Were their kittens in the Manger?  They were not there last week when I visited.  

I heard my first Christmas advertising jingle on the radio. It was for Orange Austria. They have enlisted Santa Claus in this noble endeavor.

Last night I checked the English Cable TV music channels to confirm that they have started showing the usual array of dreadful ‘Christmas’ Music. This is about the only time that Cliff Richard, Rod Stewart and the Osmonds get a run these days.

So it has started. There will be an increasing avalanche of gruesome Schlock which will bury us up to our necks for the next 5 weeks as every retailer in the Christian world tries to wring every last dollar from all the suffering punters.

Surprisingly – it is much better here than in Australia where every shop is playing Christmas Carols from October onwards. In Wien it is relatively subdued in retail land and it is almost pleasant to go shopping. Almost.

The big decision we need to make this year is if we put Christmas Decorations on the tree. We did not do this last year because Sissi was in Terminator Mode and would have destroyed them all.

In June 2009  I complained because Spar signed up Cindy Crawford as their new face of something. I complained because she was so last century.

Well now it’s even worse. They have developed a new line of ‘luxury’ goods and this line is being fronted by Pierce Brosnan. Now that really is last century.

It is lucky that I am not in advertising because it would simply not have occurred to me to use Pierce for a new line of Paprika Chips – but I simply have no imagination.

George Clooney for Nespresso? Brilliant. Add John Malkovich? Inspired!

But Pierce for premium Apple Sauce? Hmmmmm. However, I am sure they know best and will trust their judgment.

I have tried Pierce’s Macadamia Ice cream and it is not bad at all.


  1. pierce brosnan the face of spar luxury goods? hilarious!

  2. How about David Hasselhoff for Krustease Self-Rising Dough? I hear he's huge in Germany. lol.

  3. Tiger Woods is the new face of Hogson's hemorrhoid cream - apparently

  4. At least the arms-race of Yueltide illumination spectaculars on private houses hasn't started yet in my village. Next week, I'm sure...

  5. bah humbug to you Scrooge!! ;o))))

  6. I think you should put some decorations on your tree. Carefully strip of some of the insulation of the wiring of the tree lights and the cats will only touch it once.

  7. What a wicked sense of humour, Maalie!

  8. Then, no sooner is it all over, we barely have time for a sigh of relief before we start tripping over giant Easter Bunnies and their chocolate droppings in the supermarket aisles. I feel faint already....

  9. Pierce Brosnan! I had a chuckle when I saw the flyer, thinking about your reaction to Spar's dalliance with Cindy Crawford. Btw, that Spar luxury line reminds me of Safeway (American grocery chain) and their "Select" luxury store brand, down to the packaging design:
    Spar Premium
    Safeway Select

    What do you think? ;-)