Monday, October 4, 2010

I am being stalked by a Hamburger

This is the culprit!

I read a story in the International Herald Tribune a few weeks ago about a woman who was being stalked by advertisements for weight loss. 

She had done a search some time ago for weight loss information and ever since then she was followed everywhere she went on the Internet by weight loss advertisements and diet information. 

These apparently made her so uncomfortable that she was no longer able to use the Internet without feeling flabby. This made her so unhappy she ate until she was flabby. Then she was reminded how flabby she was by the advertisements.  

I did not pay much attention to his because I assumed that is how it works if you are an active user of the Internet and social networking sites. Your IP address leaves an indelible trail on the Internet and once you show an interest in something you are marked and targeted forever. 

I knew Google targeted me because the little ads on my screen are aimed squarely at me. One I get all the time is ‘Is Jesus God?’ I  have never clicked to find out – but one day I will have a look to see if Jesus is God. I suspect not - but as you know I am always keen to expand my knowledge of things religious.

This type of tracking has always been the case with Amazon - but those cunning devils out there in Google land and elsewhere are developing more and more sophisticated software that can track you like a Bloodhound no matter where you are.   Google knows what you search for search for and will target you with advertisements which reflect your interest.

I realized to my great horror about a week ago that I was being stalked by a Hamburger. Everywhere I go it goes. Sydney Morning Herald, New York Times, CNN – doesn’t matter. The damn Hamburger is always with me. I just cannot imagine why I became a Hamburger target. I look for a lot of things on line but have never felt compelled to look for Hamburgers.

This is a very sinister development and does not augur well for future Internet use. As far as I know there is no way of stopping this sort of stuff – which is only going to get a lot worse. That Hamburger could be with me for the rest of my life.

The only effective way to overcome the problem is to do what I do when I have to use US and UK sites where I theoretically need to be a resident. I have a VPN that enables me to use servers in most countries - so I can just plug into a UK and USA server and the Hamburger can’t find me.

Imagine its horror when it knows I am online but it can’t find me. Frantically scuttling around all over Austria shouting 'where is he?'

When he gets back to the server his boss asks ‘How did you go with the Badger today?’

‘I lost him Boss. He knew he was being followed and gave me the slip’.

But I know that it is only a matter of time before all servers everywhere talk to each other and I will not able to escape for the Hamburger. One day I will open the front door there it will be. A Beefburger with lettuce hanging over the sides and probably a bloody pickle that I always have to pick out and throw away.

Spare me.


  1. thats funny. i see the hamburger rather a lot too!

  2. How funny! I love your mind.

    Understandably, my (non-human) stalker is ads about insomnia. My human stalker is a thundering loonie. I suspect one of them will kill me eventually.

  3. Nightmare - last week I had an email from a Mr. H. Burger asking if I knew where you were, I'm glad I ignored it now!

  4. This is terrible. I am so sorry you are the victim of stalking. I understand as I am currently being stalked by Moon Pies.

  5. Wished I were stalked by a cup of coffee.
    In fact, I shall make myself a cappuccino right now and then come back, reading your story! :-)

  6. That is such an interesting story, Badger!

    I just checked in with my usual morning hangouts, the New York Times and The Washington Post, just to see what they are tempting me with. Boring: NYTimes serves a Fall Sale on wine (went back again, all the say is "grilling wine" *shudder* - could well be wine from the South Pole), while the WashPost tries to lure me with the usual L.L.Bean "Keeping you warm in all the details" saga (I never bought anything there, even when I was theoretically still able to browse through their brick and mortar stores, never been to their virtual one).

    So, I am flummoxed, to say the least. Are the ignoring me (poor girl, went back to school, bet she has no finds by the time she graduates!) or is there hope that the best is yet to come?

    I do empathize with you being stalked by a hamburger. Must be aweful when you are feeling hungry (like me right now - I would grab it off the screen and devour it without hesitation!).

    Cheers! :-)

  7. N.B.:
    Theoretically, I am aware of the difference between "the" and "they" - somehow, that knowledge gets lost while traveling from my brain down to my fingertips. *redfaced*

  8. angiv: Well that will take some of the pressure off me.

    SK Waller: Well I hope neither does - at least until you finish the trilogy.

    Glen: Please don't give me up!

    Marla: I had to look up Moon Pie on Google. They look scary.

    Merisi: I will let them know you are ready to be stalked.

  9. You are right Badger, it is fatal to click any "Like" link on Facebook, and Amazon keep swamping me with things they think I am interested in. And once in a while they get it right.

  10. Curiously, I have been stalked by the purveyors of womens' cosmetics of late.

    All very odd...

  11. Qantas has been stalking me for over a year.

    Everywhere I went, there they were. I was amazed at the breadth of their advertising, but maybe I've been naive, mabye they really were stalking my IP address all along. Clearly, they want to sponsor me.