Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Surely an Imam would know

Gardening shed - Blackheath at dawn. 
There is something decadent about traveling Business Class on Emirates and I almost think that I should not do it. I managed to overcome any minor feelings of guilt I had and threw myself into the experience. Cate of course is accustomed to this sort of hedonism so it was a Ho Hum experience for her - but I just wallowed in it. 

On Emirates just a common or garden variety Business Class passenger - as Emirates is not part of her usual airline consortium. Consequently when things go awry she cannot play the Austrian Airlines ‘Senator’ card to get special treatment. 
On Emirates I checked our seat allocation the night before we left and discovered that we were not sitting together on the first leg. I just don’t know why this always happens as we book these home leave trips six months in advance - but it always does - so we have to fight to get seats at the airport. 

This is not usually a problem on Austrian (Oh of course Ms Martin Senator - grovel) but Emirates basically  farted in our general direction  and said there was nothing they could do. 
We were initially sitting together on the second leg and had our desired window seat - but were booted out of these into the middle of the plane probably because some other frequent flying customer had priority.
Same story coming home. Seat allocations mean nothing. It was hardly a serious problem compared to the state of the world and we coped admirably. 
It is of course impossible for a normal person to eat all the meals they give you on these flights and as I am off wine for allergy reasons could not even avail myself of the fabulous selection of French Champagne and wines - but the Coke was excellent. 
The Emirates Business Class lounge in Dubai is the biggest and busiest lounge I have ever seen. Hmm...not quite true - the Qantas Business Class lounge in Canberra on a Friday afternoon when everyone in Canberra flies to Sydney has to be seen to be believed. It is like feeding time at the Zoo - although the animals in the Zoo are better behaved. 
The lounge in Dubai is always heaving with a mass of humanity scattering the the four winds on the six million flights that go through Dubai each day. There are many women in the lounge in Dubai wearing Burqas and I find these  bit scary. Probably because I am not accustomed to them. But I thought Cate looked scary in a Burqa when she went to one of those countries where the national sport is stoning women to death for daring to wear lipstick. There is something weird about not being able to see any apart of a person except their eyes. 
One of the many ratbag Imams we have in Australia said that women need to be completely covered otherwise they will arouse Muslim men to a foaming frenzy and them men will be forced to rape them. Sounds a bit strange to me - but surely an Imam would know about these things.
These type of clothing does not apply (of course) to men who dress generally like they have been sent into an Op Shop blindfolded and told to dress by feel. 
When they get to the Emirates lounge they feel compelled by some strange force to disrobe and stretch out on the lounges displaying their hairy stomachs and feet to the world. 
It is of course easy to spot the Australians in any airport in the world simply by the way they dress. I think the term ‘Slum Casual’ could be used to describe the dress of the average Australian traveler. Boy or Girl. 
I can remember walking through the Parisian catacombs few years ago with Melissa and we heard behind us, coming through the dank tunnels, the unmistakable sound of multiple flip flops.
We stopped to listen as these flipped and flopped towards us - slowing in the   tunnel next to ours. We heard an Australian male voice say ‘Jeez mate, look at all the fucking skulls’. 
Got to love that country. 
Thank you for your comments during my absence - I shall respond soon.


  1. what absolutely gorgeous morning light on that cottage. i have never flown in the front of an airplane, but it does sound from others to be quite a pampering experience. someday!

  2. It is only really enjoyable if someone else pays - and as this was home leave - someone else did!.