I am confident they have more up their sleeves

We are back in Indianapolis after a great time in San Francisco. I had forgotten how much I love that city - which I used to visit often but had not seen it for 15 years.

It appeared that all the Americans who were not in Disneyland were in San Francisco. We lined up for everything including the cable cars - which were always packed.

On the first occasion we lined up for 40 minutes and were going to get the next cable car – but the system stopped running because of a glitch.

We did all the touristy things including Fisherman’s Wharf – which I am pleased to see is just as schlocky and gruesome as it always was. There you can buy tons of excruciating junk at extraordinary prices or get ripped off in the amusement parlors. A travelers dream come true.

Not everything was schlocky and overpriced though  - I got a dozen mini donuts for $6 – excellent value.

The Sea Lions are there and smell just as bad as they always have. We had crab cakes in a restaurant which had a great view of Alcatraz - which we did not visit but which has so many visitors you have to book in advance.

Naturally we walked across the bridge. Well Kezza and  Hansel did. Gretel threw a wobbly half way across and I had to take her back to the starting point where we were able to buy smoothies so we would be kept alive until lunchtime.

We also went to the Academy of Sciences where there was a 30 minute line for the rainforest and the café. We chose the café and I had an excellent hamburger. I mainly loafed about while Kezza and the kids did all the things they wanted to.

The best thing about San Francisco is that you can buy espresso coffee almost anywhere –  and there was an espresso bar in our hotel. So when I became coffee deprived I could just have a hit down there.

We have a few days in Indianapolis where a feast of entertainment waits. There is the children’s museum – White river park – downtown – the best burgers in the mid-west (so I am told) and lots of shopping for Kezza.

Yesterday we took Hansel to Target where he desperately wanted to buy some plastic things which cunning marketers had come up with. Their ingenuity never ceases to amaze me. They come up with this weird concept – release cartoon and then market millions of different characters related to the show.

He bought a whole bunch of these and they quite made his trip. Gretel bought a Barbie doll. Apparently they still make them. She seems to be taller than she was and is perhaps a bit malnourished.

When I was young I used to play with a wooden peg – and perhaps the dog’s bones when he had finished with them.

We leave for New York on Tuesday. Have we got some things to see there!

Someone has hung a great big sign at Indianapolis.

‘Indianapolis welcomes All people’.

I guess this one one step towards mitigating the damage caused by our idjit Republican legislation and our idjit governor. They caused an immense furore – and quickly backed down from the stupidest piece of legislation I have seen for a while.

I am confident they have more up their sleeves. 

I saw the end of the world

I can imagine that many moons ago - perhaps in the 40s - Hollywood was a place you would like to visit. You could even imagine Lana Turner and Gary Cooper having a soda at the drug store. Perhaps Jimmy Cagney having a quiet drink in a fancy bar.

Today the only actors who visit Hollywood are those who dress as Johnny Depp or Batman to suck dollars out of the poor wretches who find themselves in this godforsaken part of the world.

Why in the name of Nemo you would want to get a photo taken with a very scruffy Batman replica wearing a frayed suit that looked like it was dry cleaned with a shovel load of coal dust I just do not know.

We saw people comatose in the street - Hollywood boulevard. I saw one man who was almost certainly dead. The famous Hollywood and Vine looks like it was decorated by ISIS.

The places which sell what is supposed to be food are obviously competing in the 'shittiest dive in LA' competition. We saw the winner. The quality of the decor was exceeded only by the aroma. I would rather eat my sneakers than go anywhere we saw.

We ate in McDonalds which was infested by ragged panhandlers who looked like a cross between a scarecrow and a chimney sweep. At least they were walking - after a fashion. Most panhandlers were prone on the footpaths with their hands outstretched - except for the dead ones of course.

It was difficult for us to beat a path thru the myriads of touts begging us to get into their rusted shit heaps so they could show us the homes of the 'stars'. I bet no decent actors live within 50 miles of Hollywood. We could have seen where Joan Crawford used to live. It is probably owned now by a grub who makes porn films and molests children.

The number of second hand clothes stores and costume shops is exceeded only by the number of sex shops. The part of Hollywood boulevard we saw makes Kings Cross look like the Champs Élysées.

We had a limo. It had taken us an hour to get there. We walked for ten minutes and ate for 20 minutes. Then we went to Santa Monica beach. This took an hour and a half. We spent 10 minutes there - more than enough time - and escaped. We could have our photo taken with a snake but I thought for $10 I could buy my own.There was a man shouting about how Jesus saved the world. He did not say why Jesus missed Hollywood and Santa Monica.

We had the car for 5 hours and spent 4.25 hours driving thru the worst traffic I have seen since Bangkok.

Never again.

 

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Day three

Kezza took the early shift while Badger slept and lazed about. In the afternoon grandad took the kids swimming in the big pool and even had a splash himself.

Then we set off for our final day and started off in the Adventure park. It is a bit of a blur because it was very hot and there were millions of people but we did walk on ropey things and went on the Ferris wheel - mum chickened out. We saw the parade - again and had hotdogs. The hotdogs were really too small to have been separated from their mothers but still cost $6.79. That is a very precise price for a hotdog but they probably have to extra for dwarf hotdogs and buns. The Nathan's hotdogs I have home are much better - and bigger.

My favourite was the milkshake I bought for $4.69. For an extra $5 I could have had commemorative plastic Disneyland cup (value 6 cents).

We lurched over to Disneyland and I went on the teacups again - third time - and 'it's a small world' - second time. We saw the fireworks and after this Gretel disappointed us all by saying she was not tired - so we all stayed another hour.

For some reason the line for Alice in Wonderland was always enormous so we did not get to see it. Of course we could have gone back for a fourth day. Or - more desirably - I could have drowned myself in the pool.

Today we are being picked up by a limo so that Kezza can see the sights of LA. Badger will have a nice rest then a swim and then a long sleep.

Tomorrow it is San Francisco.

 

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