Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

The pic is one of Ben in Bangkok. The hotel staff prop him up on Cate's vast bed with an orchid under his arm.

I am posting early on account of its my Birthday tomorrow and I need to celebrate by riding to Bregenz and back. This will take a while.

There was apparently some consternation that the drop in readership would cause me to stop writing the Blog. This is not the case and as long as at least one demented reader remains I will Blog.

Merisi may have to increase her visits to 10 a day to keep my spirits up.

I am collecting Melissa from the airport tonight and we will probably go nightclubbing – or maybe just go home and have a glass of Mineralwasser mit Gaz.

Up until last night I thought that OAP was an acronym for an Austrian political party as it appears often in the newspaper. On closer reading I found that it is an acronym for Old Age Person (or Pensioner).

Just as elsewhere, in Austria you are classified by what you are rather than what you have done. If you are old you cannot just be found on a bathroom floor or run over by a tram you are an ‘OAP found on bathroom floor’ or ‘OAP run over by tram’.

I bet you have never seen ‘short fat lady with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’. It would be ‘woman eaten by lion’ unless she was retired – when it would be ‘OAP with handlebar moustache eaten by lion’

Another weird example from the Austrian Times yesterday is:

“Sex shop vandal is a Muslim Fiaker driver

A serial sex shop vandal has been revealed as a Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver.Cops arrested Zoltan L. last week for more than 80 attacks on sex shops in which he blocked door locks with super glue, poured acid on shop windows and plastered them with newspapers, leaving damages of around 180,000 Euros.But they said today (Mon) that the 38-year-old was a converted Muslim "who looked like a Taliban" with a long beard. He admitted religious reasons had been behind the vandalism spree.Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital. Tourists line up in the city centre and at the Schönbrunn park for a ride.”

Zoltan L?

Muslim Fiaker horse-carriage driver?

Looked like a Taliban?

Fiaker horse-carriage wagons are a top tourist attraction in the capital?

Who writes this stuff. How would he have been described him if he was Muslim Sales Assistant at Billa? Would they have explained what Billa was and what a sales assistant does?

“Billa is a chain of stores which sells food and household items. These are placed strategically around the city so that people can buy food and stuff. They sell things like potatoes and milk. You should eat things like this if you don’t want to die.”

I leave you with

“Lower Austrian bison farmer Hannes Bohinc beat off stiff competition to win the Powerboat Grand Prix of the Sea off Malta yesterday”.

Bison farmer? Power Boat Grand Prix? Sea off Malta?

Who is looking after the Bison while he is flambling round in the Sea off Malta?


  1. Remember, you're talking about a country that calls you by your job, as well as by your degrees: Magister Machwasser, or Doktor Pferdgesicht. It's the Germanic work ethic in practice.

  2. Hi, first time poster here. I just wanted to comment regarding your blog readership - I found your blog while searching for info about Vienna as I was going on holiday there a couple of months ago, and I've read your blog from the beginning and have continued checking it out ever since! You have a very funny way of writing things, and I love that you love cats!

    Anyway, please keep writing; I find it highly entertaining!

    Laura (An American living in London)

  3. Steph - you know my Doctor!
    Hi Laura - thanks for the very kind comment. The Blog will never stop!

  4. One wonders what else is "off Malta"? I love that short piece and will draw it to Jim's attention. He'll wonder why I bothered!

    I can begin your Australian Birthday Celebrations by saying that the dog people moved to Balmain, Mullens Street I think, yesterday. We didn't celebrate this fact ourselves last night as we'd had a big day/night on Wednesday when (1) Jim's son came for late lunch at 2 pm and then his wife kindly drove J&I to(2)friends in Leichhardt who moved yesterday to Sawtell. We returned by cab somewhere around 9.30 pm...

    But glasses will certainly be raised at the appropriate time this evening.

    PS: Very glad to see Ben taking care of Cate so assiduously.

  5. seeing as it is friday here is Oz, and you were born here it is technically your birthday so may i be the first to wish you happy birthday! hope you have any enjoyable birthday bike ride and that melissa doesn't get you banned from any bars.

  6. May I call your attention to the "demented reader"? You meant "dedicated" reader, didn't you? Well, it's only a few letters ... ;-)

    Where in the world do you get that horrible paper?

  7. What do you mean 'horrible paper?' The Austrian Times is an English language journal of record and is available online. They would not print it as no one would buy it (and I may be the only reader).