Getting cross

Australia has one of the highest standards of living in the world. We have a minimum wage of $17.29 per hour. People who work do not have to get food stamps just to survive.

We have universal health care. Everyone pays a percentage of their wage for health insurance. When they get sick they go to a doctor or a hospital. When they do they know that whatever else happens they will not get bankrupted by medical bills.

When people become unemployed they get unemployment benefits. These are not cut off after six months so that they have to live in cardboard boxes and forage in rubbish bins for food. Sure they have to look for work - but if it is not available they are not punished.

We believe that women (and not old white men) have the right to decide what they do with their bodies. We believe in the right of the individual to choose.

We indulge the religious - of all varieties. They are allowed to do what they want to as long as they don't bother us. We do not bother them.

We believe in the dignity of people and their right to a decent life in a civilised society. This is why we do not treat them like vermin because they cannot contribute as much as we can.

OMG is this (shudder) socialism.

No it is Australia!

 

Posted with Blogsy

Back to the monkeys

There should be a special place hell for people who design telephone trees for companies in America. 

This would be way down the bottom where it is really hot - but there is a way out. They have a telephone and their task is too get through to the Hell ‘remission section’. The way to do this will be based on the telephone trees they designed. 

Good luck with that!

Hello this is Lucifer - thank you being a valued customer. No one is more important to us than you. Well - actually - almost everyone is more important than you but you know how we carry on. 

I’m sorry - all our associates are busy at the moment. Please hold on interminably while we play some really excruciating music which sounds a bit like six monkeys in a drum playing harmonicas as it rolls down the Rio Grande.

I’m sorry - we value your call - please hold on while Gayle goes to the loo to have a really good cry because she has had such a bad day when assholes like you who ring and bother her. There really are more important things in her life - you know. 

So every few minutes we are going to trick you by having a phone ringing and then someone answering and you will think ‘Than Christ - finally’ but then it will disappear into music again.

Every sixty seconds we will give you some promotional spiel in which you have no interest whatsoever. After an hour you will know the script better than we do. 

After you have waited a really long time someone will come on the line and after 15 seconds of you wittering hysterically they will say - I am sorry -  you need to speak to our “Wittering Client Activation Department’ and the line will go dead for a while - followed by monkeys with harmonicas. 

Eventually you will hang up. Or you will hang on so long that they will hang up. 

Or - and I know this is rare - you will speak to the nicest person in the world who will sympathize with you as your pour out your sorrows and will make so many promises it will make your eyes water. 

And when the call is finished he or she will hit ‘delete’ and you are gone forever.

Back to the monkeys. 

Does he need the money?

This Harpy Eagle has just been told that Donald Trump may be President

My Internet is cactus again. 

My maximum download speed over the last three days has been 1.3 mbps. I am paying for 12 and rarely get better than 9. But the service has always been lousy - and I was told before I came here that the Internet was lousy - so I was not expecting much.

I thought I might change providers but the only other one possible in our area is Bright House - which on Google ratings seems to be struggling to get even 1 star. 

Most Bright House reviewers say it is the worst service in America - but I could argue with that. I have no idea why it has to be so bad here - but Australia is no better. 

But I had a nice online conversation with Conrad at AT & T who apologized a lot for the problems and said that he would send someone to fix it almost immediately. I think Conrad spends a lot of time apologizing. 

But there are many other important things to worry about. 

Robert De Niro has just appeared in a film called “Dirty Grandpa”. This has been rated by Rotten Tomatoes  as one of the worst films of all time - and got a one star rating. The critics consensus was:

“Like a Werther's Original dropped down a sewer drain, Dirty Grandpa represents the careless fumbling of a classic talent that once brought pleasure to millions”.

(I think they mean ‘who’ instead of ‘that’ but I am being picky).

Now I know that they (those Hollywood people!) have to make films like this but what is the name of the Shrieking Puffins is Robert De Niro doing in it? 

He was a serious and brilliant actor. Nay - a towering giant of an actor - and for the last 10 years he has been appearing in some rare decent movies - interspersed with gruesome schlock. 

Meet the parents? Spare me. Does he need the money? 

I would be prepared to contribute to ‘go fund me’ if it would stop him from doing this rubbish. 

I mean I used to be ’the man’ and now I spend my time cleaning cat litter and picking up dog poo - but even I would never appear in a film called ‘Dirty Grandpa’.