I am sort of re-emerging

I am sort of re-emerging back into the world. It will apparently take a bit longer to heal than I thought it would. In fact I just do not know how it works. How do bones knit when I keep moving them about? I am taking calcium tables. I am sure this will make no difference whatsoever. My X-rays are on the way from Finland. I will probably have more soon.

I have new found respect for broken ribs. They deserve more credit. But I am coming to grips with the intricacies. There are many things you should not do if you have broken ribs. One of them is sneeze. Keep a gun beside you. If you cannot avoid sneezing – at the last possible moment before sneezing – shoot yourself. You will not regret this. I sneezed while driving. I wished I had had a gun.

Getting in and out of bed is an art. You cannot lie down or sit up like a normal person. To get up you must draw your knees up your chest, wrap your arms around your legs and then rock backwards and forwards until you get just enough momentum to propel yourself out of bed into a standing position. This takes some practice. Too much momentum is very dangerous – for you and for your chests of drawers.

Getting into bed is the reverse of this and is complicated if you land on a cat. Always check behind you first.

There are not many positions you can lie in with broken ribs. There is in fact only one. This is on your back. It is theoretically possible to lie on your side (the one without broken ribs) but the noise the broken ribs make is so blood curdling – with the squeaking, snapping,  popping and scraping – that it is really not feasible.  

I have managed to stifle my involuntary shrieks so that they are more or less squeaks and can be passed off in public as nervous tics or coughs.

Today I went out to do some shopping and wore my woolen skivvy, leather jacket, bank-robber beanie and Ray Ban Aviators. I put my Ray Bans on coming home through Stadtpark and coming into Am Heumarkt this good looking blonde came out, gave me a glimpse, then gave me a long stare and a big smile. I must look HOT today I thought. I checked myself in the elevator mirror and discovered that one of my Ray Ban lenses had fallen out.

Badger is taking a break

For a while now I have been taking stuff to prevent migraines from occurring. 

The good news is that this is working and I have not had to take a migraine tablet for weeks.   

The bad news is that it makes me feel as though my head is full of molasses and my body is full of porridge.

Now the rib thing has compounded the problem. I am hurting like hell and am having to take a lot of pain killers. It hurts when I sit up (and when I lie down) so I do not feel like writing. After a brief burst of activity on my return from Finland I have well and truly run out of steam and am going to hibernate for a while.  I will post some photos from Helsinki on the Picasa album linked to my Blog.

The Badger Award for Bravery goes to.....

As part of the Finnish experience we undertook an authentic Sauna. There was one at the Wilderness Hotel where we stayed. I have had Saunas before but never the real thing - with a real wood fire. Timo lit this for us and got it to up the correct temperature - and we trudged down through the snow to the Sauna hut at the edge of the frozen lake. It was 4:00 PM so was of course pitch black but Timo - that old romantic - had lit the way with candles.

I was not very good at it. Not the least reason being because I was in excruciating pain from my ribs and had trouble moving. But I gave it a try and stayed as long as I could in the oven before creeping outside to stand on the porch in a basin of tepid water for a few minutes. The basin was necessary so that my feet did not freeze to the porch – necessitating amputation. The temperature on the porch was probably -17.

Gwenyth and Cate get the Badger Award for Bravery by rolling (I kid you not) in the snow. I was not allowed to take pictures.

I must confess that had I been physically fit I probably would not have been tempted to roll in the snow. I think the Reindeer Ride will leave a lasting impression on me. We also did not beat each other with Birch twigs.

But – as it was – every movement was difficult and I was not able even to get in or out of the car with help. Also I kept shouting – involuntarily - with pain which was embarrassing in public places and on a couple of occasions I felt it necessary to explain  myself – rather than have people think I was an imbecile. It is however an excellent way to clear space around you in an airport lounge or indeed make people jump six feet into the air if you think they are too complacent.