How to die cycling

So tomorrow we fly to Newark then to Heathrow then to Glasgow then a train to Sterling then a bus to Callander. After 18 hours of travel we should be in excellent shape to start cycling the next morning. 

Day 1 is 35 miles and it will probably be raining. I saw somewhere that this area gets about 283 days of rain each year and I think we are just about to experience 7 of them. 

But we are staying in what are supposed to be nice hotels and B and Bs. I have not personally selected these so they will probably not be rat infested hovels with no wifi or hot water. We shall see.

In the meantime I am planning next year to cycle the Great Allegheny Passage with my cobber David. This - plus the C and O trail - is about 335 miles on gravel roads and each day we will cycle about 40-50 miles.  

At night we will douse each other in cold water and beat ourselves with sticks before a dinner of cold gravel and a mudshake. 

Cate has expressed some doubt about my capacity to do this. She bases this on my vast age, my lack of fitness, my arthritis and my mental capacity. I have assured her that I will train hard, that my arthritis does not affect my cycling and the fact that I am a looney does not affect my ability to ride a bicycle. 

In any case David is much younger than I am and will be able to help me if I start to dodder.

Which reminds me of Bill Bryson who said in his latest book that he is now too old to get early onset Alzheimer's. He says when it arrives it will be right on time. 

So my next quest is to buy a mountain bike to make my training more relative to the task. This task may beyond me as I have had a look and there appear to be about a million from which to choose.